Mistakes From My Past
by IBACULLEN
Summary: Bella and Edward were best of friends in High School but when Prom came their lives changed. Now nine years later they both struggle with the mistakes from their past that has separated them. Can they find one another and save their friendship? They need to forgive themselves before they can forgive each other. Rated M for adult themes including abuse. HEA E/B AH
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE**

"Tell me more about this Bella Swan."

Fuck.

"There's nothing to tell." I growled.

"I don't believe that's true. You wouldn't have mentioned her if there was nothing to tell, Edward." Dr. Harper wasn't going to let this go. Of course that's what I paid her for. She gave me the stare, like she had done many times throughout our…history together.

Caroline Harper, the most expensive and revered psychiatrist in all of Los Angeles, which is saying something seeing how this town was filled with crazy celebrities and their drug, image, and mental health problems. Dr. Harper hated when I called people crazy. She said that term was not recognized by the Mental Health Association and it would be wise of me to do the same. She was one of the few people who I allowed to stand up to me because I respected her.

I sighed still unable to answer her question.

"Edward, my time is valuable as I am fully aware yours is as well. If you don't want to answer the question, then go and come back when you can." Dr. Caroline Harper always so matter of fact.

"It's your job to help me." I reminded her.

"I can't help you if you aren't willing to work with me. Besides, you are no longer under court order to see me so if you refuse to talk with me then I will move on to someone who knows they need my help." She stated.

"Really? Which crazy coke addict former child star is waiting to jump on this couch next?" I rolled my eyes.

"You can leave now, Mr. Cullen. I think we're done here. Maybe I can refer you to another doctor. It seems that I am unable to help you."

Great, she referred to me as Mr. Cullen which translates to do as I say or I'm cutting you off. Not the first time she brought out the Mr. Cullen and she knew I knew what she meant by it.

"Fine, what do you want to know?" I barked. "Bella, was just a girl. She's from my past and she doesn't matter anymore so I don't see the reason to waste my breath talking about her."

I pinched the bridge of my nose hoping to relieve my incredible mounting headache. She knew I was lying. No one showed that much passion or emotion when talking about a person they didn't care about.

"Why don't you start with telling me how you met her?" Dr. Harper looked down at her pad and started to write a short scribble.

"Your doctor visits should really come with a vending machine of alcohol." I remarked.

"Noted." She dismissed.

I paused for a long moment thinking about the first time I met Isabella Swan.

"We met in high school. I was a transfer student and if you can believe it; I was wildly unpopular."

It was my first day at Forks High. My father had just transferred from a hospital in Seattle to the small by comparison hospital in Port Angeles. He wanted me to grow up out of the city and so he sacrificed his career for my mother and I. Not that he was hurt by the pay decrease he took since his parents left him a rather tidy sum. If my father wasn't such an honorable and good man I might have hated him for it that first day I stepped foot on the Forks High campus.

The school was tiny compared to the one I attended in Seattle. In Seattle I was free to get lost in the crowd but with Forks High total student body still unable to even come close to just the freshman class at my old school it was hard for me to blend in.

_"Who's this freak?" _

A couple of guys already had me on their radar by second period. I didn't answer them and I tried to ignore them but it was getting increasing harder every minute.

_"Hey freak, we're talking to you." _

One of them shoved me from behind and I managed to put my hands out in front of me to stop my face from colliding with the lockers.

_"What do you want?" I asked angered._

_"Man, don't get all violent. We're just the Forks High School welcoming committee and want to make your acquaintance. I'm Mike and that's Tyler." _

_"Edward. Can I go now?" I hissed._

Mike gave the gesture that I was free to be on my way but just as I passed him he pushed all the books out of my hands and it all went flying to the large puddle of water below me. The guys laughed as they left me to deal with the mess. I was angry and embarrassingly enough I was fighting back tears.

By lunch time it seemed like I had met the entire student body and even though this environment was vastly different from my last school the stereotypes had found their way to Forks. The hot and they know it vain girls whose giggling was nails to a chalkboard. The jocks that I already had the fortunate run in with. Some brainy kids, who were still too cool to even acknowledge me. With this crowd it was sure hard to find a place to sit and eat my lunch in peace.

I decided to sit outside the cafeteria. The windows looking in could give me the perfect view to observe this species in their natural habitat. It surprised me that the jocks didn't take to messing with the nerds. The nerds were left alone.

I finally came to the conclusion that this school was operating on a pack mentality. They wouldn't bother you unless you were alone and the way I came to this conclusion was seeing a young girl with brown wavy hair who sat all by herself in the lunch room with a book in one hand and apple in the other.

I hadn't even noticed her until I saw the hot and they know it girls get up and start surrounding her like prey circling around their next meal. One girl took the book right out of the brown hair girl's hands and tossed it aside. I could see the girls taunt her and laugh at her. I don't know why but I wanted to trade places with her. She didn't deserve this.

I was getting up from my bench outside and stupidly preparing myself to try to intervene but just as I got to the trash can to throw my food away, Mike and Tyler showed up with a couple more of their jock friends.

_"Did you have a nice lunch, Eddie?" Mike asked._

_"Here, let me take that tray for you."_ _Tyler took the tray out of my hand and tossed the contents into the trash._

_"Tyler, he obviously wasn't done eating that." Mike jokingly hit Tyler in the arm._

_"Oh bro. I'm sorry. Here let us help you get that out."_

The guys surrounded me and picked me up, turning me over they dumped me into the garbage can; my glasses breaking in half from the force of my face landing on the garbage. The guys laughed and I could hear the slaps of their hands as they high-fived one another for a job well done.

When I could no longer hear them I pushed myself up and the trashcan fell over causing me to land on the ground. I squeezed my fists as I was now pissed more than ever. My clothes were a mess. I had the day's lunch special nestled into my hair. I picked myself up and started to brush myself off. I located the pieces of my glasses and I could feel a gash on the bridge of my nose from where my glasses broke and cut into my skin.

_"Mr. Cullen. You better pick up this mess. I won't allow you to trash our school." The principal was shouting at me._

He refused to see my state of dress and passed judgment. Hating my life even more I started to pick up the trash with my bare hands and clean up my "mess."

_"You're bleeding all over the place. Best go and see the nurse. I don't want a repeat of this behavior." He said shaking a finger at me._

I took off for the nurse hoping I could lay low until school was finished. The school nurse was actually nice to me and fussed all over me like she gave a damn. I sat on a bed while she ran off to get more supplies. I closed my eyes hoping for a moment of silence.

The door opened a few moments later and I couldn't believe who it was. It was that girl with the long wavy brown hair. She almost looked worse than I did.

_"So what are you in for?" She asked._

_"Uh…I was just thinking the same thing." I replied._

_"Oh Bella, back again? I swear you must use up ninety percent of my supplies. What will it be?" The nurse asked her._

_"The usual. Knee bandage and maybe I could use your sling for the afternoon. I think I tweaked my arm wrong this time. It's sore." _

She hopped on up to the bed beside me. What the hell is wrong with this girl? The usual? Was she some kind of hypochondriac? The nurse went off in search of the sling leaving me with this Bella girl.

_"So, what happened to you?" she asked._

_"I…fell down. Broke my glasses." I lied. I was too embarrassed to give her the truth. "What happened to you?"_

_"Same." She replied and I knew immediately she was lying as well. "So…was your falling down due to the Forks High welcoming committee?"_

_I furrowed my brow. _

_"I know all about it. I've been here for over a year and I am still being welcomed." She sighed._

_"Bunch of assholes." I growled._

_"Yeah…well that's life." She replied._

The nurse came back in and helped Bella into the sling before helping out with my gash. After she asked me to stay put as she would write me a note to discharge me from P.E. that day. I was all too happy to wait. Physical education was certainly not something I excelled at.

She bandaged Bella all up and then went to her office to write out our notes.

_"You have P.E. next too?" I asked shyly._

_"Unfortunately." She huffed._

_"So where did you transfer from?" I asked trying to keep the conversation light._

_"Uh…well Oregon by way of Arizona. You?"_

_"Seattle."_

_"Not much of a change." She guessed._

_I laughed. "Uh…major change. This town is so…small."_

_"Here you two are. Now be mindful of where you walk in the future. I know it can get slippery out there. Try not to run." The nurse all cheery handed us our slips._

_We went out the door and it looked like it was just starting to rain._

_"Well, good luck…" Bella started searching for my name._

_"Edward. Edward Masen." I replied._

_"Edward Masen. Good luck with your welcoming committee." She waved._

_"Hey, Bella." I called after her. "I know this is going to sound weird but I have been thinking that maybe you could help me out on a social experiment."_

_"Are you asking me out?" she cringed._

_"What? No. I noticed something today in the cafeteria and I want to put my theory to the test." I sped up my talking._

_"O…kay…" she looked to me like I was crazy._

_"Sit with me at lunch tomorrow?" I asked._

_"Why? I mean why would you want to sit with me?"_

_"Because my theory is that if we ban together our welcoming committees will leave us be."_

_"Masen. You are one weird cookie." She shook her head and rolled her eyes._

_"Just try it." I said._

_"All right but if we both end up in a trash can together; I'm blaming you."_

She turned and walked onward and for the first time that day I was looking forward to school tomorrow. I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't interested in Bella. The moment I met her there was something about her that pulled me to her. She was the reason I was going to survive this last year and a half of my high school education.

The next day we sat together and my plan seemed to be working as we sat awkwardly at the last table on the left. No one said anything to either of us all lunch period and after a while of waiting we managed a conversation.

She told me briefly about her father who was a sheriff. It sounded like her mom wasn't in the picture at all. Her eyes would light up when she started talking about her favorite books. Bella and I were opposites. I loved math and science and she loved English and languages. However we both detested sports.

Eventually we became friends and would start to hang out with one another all the time. We were practically inseparable. In fact the stronger our friendship, the easier it was to block out all the negativity.

_"Ooooo Bella's gotta boyfriend." Lauren taunted._

_"Ooooo Lauren's an immature asshole." Bella sang back._

I couldn't believe her but I was proud at how she stood up for herself.

I started laughing at Lauren's face.

_"What are you laughing at, four eyes?" Lauren snapped at me._

_"Wow, four eyes. So original. I'm sure whatever community college you manage to get in will be lucky to have you, Lauren." I retorted._

The moment Lauren retreated with her pack of sheep; Bella and I gave each other a high-five.

_"So…are you still planning on coming over for the campout?" Bella asked unsure of herself._

It had been something that we had planned for weeks. Bella's dad Charlie liked me and actually was cool with us spending the night in Bella's massive tree house out back. We planned on cooking our hotdogs on an open fire using wire hangers and then roast marshmallows. We had hoped that tonight's forecast would hold up so we could try to pick out the constellations overhead.

_"Wouldn't miss it for the world, Swan." I smiled._

I tossed up a grape and it landed perfectly in my mouth. Bella narrowed her eyes at me. She hated that I could do that. Every time she tried, it would always miss and hit her in the eye.

I spent a lot of time over at the Swan house. Bella asked a couple of times if she could come to my house but I hadn't told her about my families money so I made up a lie about not wanting to take her there since my parents always fought and I gave off the impression that I was embarrassed by that, which was the exact opposite. My parents never fought in fact they usually could be caught acting all lovey dovey with one another. I was afraid that once Bella knew I came from money she would see me differently.

Bella came from a broken home. Her mother walked out on her when she was just seven years old. Her dad worked hard to provide for them and money was always tight around their house. This was one of the things that the girls of Forks High picked on her for. Bella never had new clothes or the latest trends. She always brought lunch which was minimal and I had started supplying her with more food the closer we became.

By the end of our junior year we were closer than close. We relied on one another like we relied on the earth to provide us with oxygen. I might be over dramatizing that a bit but that's how I felt. We had the perfect summer together. We would go hiking; well we tried to hike but soon realized that Bella's coördination was rather poor and she would inevitably hurt herself. We had movie marathons. Lake days. We did everything.

"Dr. Harper, she was the only person who ever got away with sassing me. Well, other than you…and my PA." I grumbled looking back to the good doc.

"Tad jealous to hear that." Dr. Harper smiled out of the corner of her mouth. "She sounds like an incredible young lady."

"She was. She was my soul mate." I gazed back out the window that overlooked the downtown Los Angeles.

"Are you sure about that?" she asked.

"I will never love another person the way I love Isabella Swan." I lashed out. I hated when people doubted my word. I was a powerful person. With the installation of our new division and our fourth quarter numbers coming in it was safe to say that I had more money than some small countries. No one should doubt me.

"So what happened? If she is your soul mate then where is she?" Dr. Harper asked.

Just thinking about the answer made me ill. What I wouldn't do to go back and change things.

"Edward. Why are you not with Bella if she is your soul mate?"

"I wasn't good enough for her." I answered honestly.

It was well into our senior year and everything was more perfect than we could ever ask for. Don't get me wrong; we still were teased and taunted and yes even physically had an altercation or two but it didn't seem to matter as much because we had our friendship.

_"So what does that make this; like the fifteenth school you've been accepted to?" Bella waved around my admission letter to Dartmouth. _

_"Something like that." I teased. "You did apply, right?" _

_"Uh…yeah. I'm sure my rejection letter will come any day now." She replied._

_"Stop it, Swan. You're going to get in and then we will be rid of this damn town." I huffed. It always angered me when she would put herself down._

_"Edward, I'm not going to Dartmouth." She looked at me seriously._

_"Yes. You are. It's the plan. It's what we've talked about the past couple months. I asked you what school you wanted to go to this summer. I never even thought of applying to Dartmouth but you had your heart set on it so I applied and this was the plan."_

_"You're being stupid. You're not basing this life altering decision on me. Go to the school you want to go to. I'm going to community college and I will still be here when you come home for summers and breaks. God, Edward." She yelled and then threw her pencil across the bedroom hitting the wall with a light thud._

_"Now who's being stupid? I'm not going to go off while you waste your potential in some lame ass community college. You're better than that. You're going to get in, dammit." I shouted back._

_"It doesn't fucking matter how smart I am, Edward. I know I can get into Dartmouth because I already got my acceptance letter and I can't afford to go." She hollered while opening her desk drawer and throwing her acceptance letter at me. "So I apologize if I sit here and waste my potential in some lame ass community college but that's life. So go to fucking Dartmouth or Harvard or wherever your little pocketbook desires and leave us penniless peons alone."_

It was the first time we ever fought. She jumped up from her bed and stormed out of the bedroom all the way down the stairs and out the door before I could even react. Part of me was instantly upset at her. Did she know about my family's money? Did she just throw that in my face? No she couldn't have. I was extremely careful.

Then I felt guilty that I was sitting here worrying about something so trivial while Bella was out probably in the woods behind her house crying about her lost chances for higher education. I felt like such a douche. Here I was parading my letters of acceptance around to all these glorious Ivy League schools and she had finally achieved her dream school acceptance letter and she would never be able to afford it.

_"Bella." _I called out for her when my foot hit the pavement as I exited her house.

I jogged off to the woods trying to search for her, finding her sitting on a massive tree log with tears running down her face.

_"Leave me alone." She whispered._

_"No." I said determined. "What happened? I thought you were going to apply for scholarships." _

_"It wouldn't do a damn bit of good." She tried to blink her tears away. "It's fine. Whatever. I don't need a Dartmouth degree to teach English."_

_"It's your dream." I replied._

_"Dreams are just that, dreams. I live in reality and the reality of the situation is that people like me aren't meant for anything greater than this." She held up her hands displaying the area surrounding us._

_"That's horse shit." I spit. "Bella, you are smarter than that. It doesn't always take money to become something great. You're just using that as an excuse."_

_"Yeah well this is my decision. As my friend I expect you to honor it." _She paused while I quietly fumed crossing my arms over my chest as my mind worked a mile a minute to figure out how I could get her to Dartmouth._ "So…what school will be blessed with Edward Masen's presence?" She asked hopping off her log and slightly wavering._

_"I don't know. I had believed so much in the plan that now I just don't know_." I responded while helping to steady her. That had always been my unspoken job; making sure to help Bella keep her balance.

_"Hey, you're my best friend and I will kick your ass if you don't go Ivy League. I believe that you were meant for greatness and I hate being wrong so you better hop to it." She gave me a watery smile trying to hold it in._

I loved her.

I stared out the window still not wanting Dr. Harper to see my misty eyes.

"God, how I loved her." I stopped fearful if I broke down now I might never stop crying.

I was Edward Cullen. I don't do tears. I never even found them acceptable from any past girlfriends. The moment one of them started with the waterworks I would instantly get rid of her. I didn't want weak people around me.

"And then what happened?" Dr. Harper asked quietly.

I didn't answer.

"Have you ever thought of trying to find her?" Dr. Harper changed direction. "With your resources; I'm sure it wouldn't be difficult.

"She's getting married. She's engaged to some guy she met at community college. They've been engaged for a long time. Some guy named Jacob." I spit. Just thinking about it made me want to destroy something.

"Can we stop? I need to stop." I insisted.

"Sure. When you're ready please make an appointment with Heather." She stood up from her chair and started to walk me out just before she arrived at her door she turned to me. "Edward, I'm really proud of you. You are making great progress and I believe that if you allow yourself to work through this then maybe you can find peace."

I nodded thinking on her words. As I exited I continued to think the elevator ride down the twenty stories building and then even more so as I entered my car.

"Where to sir?" Seth asked.

"Home. We're done here." I answered short.

I was done with Dr. Caroline Harper. I could no longer see that woman. My time with her had runs its course. I didn't want to think about Bella. I didn't want to sit in a room and pour my guts out on the girl I love. She was in my past and if she was truly the key to me finding peace; I guess I will never find peace.

* * *

**AN: **Updates on Tuesday's. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. Please note that there will be future lemons as well as discussions of physical abuse.


	2. Chapter 2

**BPOV**

**CHAPTER TWO**

_Jacob, _

_This isn't working and believe it or not, it's not because of you. I have lived and been with you the past nine years. I can't do this anymore. I sat at a coffee shop last week when you were at work. I saved up money to be able to afford a book and a cup of coffee. While I got lost in that book it reminded me of how I used to feel when I read. I felt like I could do anything in this world and now I look at my life and realize that I am the one holding me back from living out my dreams. _

_I don't blame you for the way you are. In some ways I craved it because I felt like I deserved every bit of it. I need to find happiness and it's something I will never find with you. I left you the bank cards and car. I am leaving with a backpack of clothing, four apples and my one book. Feel free to sell anything I have left behind although I doubt you can get much for the Covergirl foundation as I probably went through enough jars of that to last a person three lifetimes. That's not an intentional slam just acknowledgement._

_Good bye Jake. Don't come looking for me because like the name you used to call me; you can't go looking for Nothing._

_-B_

My hands trembled as I wrote the last word. Nothing. A cute little pet name Jake loved to call me. Don't ask me why I spent so much of my life with a man who obviously didn't love me. I could give you a simple answer because then that would just lead to more questions.

I picked up the small backpack that I still had from my days at community college. I lied in that letter when I said that I was only leaving with a small bag of clothes, apples and a book. Throughout the years I managed to stash two hundred and twenty-nine dollars away for a rainy day. Well, every day here was a rainy day but for some reason I knew that one day I would need this cash.

I shut the door behind me and pulled out my umbrella. I had exactly three hours to get out of Port Angeles before Jacob would be home. It would be a close call but I was pretty sure I could make a bus before he was ever the wiser.

I started my walk and it looked like luck would not be on my side that day because a fierce wind came with the cold rain. Only an idiot would choose to leave her fiancé in the middle of winter. By the time I arrived at the bus depot I was drenched and shivering something fierce.

"I…need…a bus." I stuttered from my shivers.

"Where to?" The gentleman asked looking me over slightly.

"Uh… when does your next bus to Phoenix leave?" I asked. My mother was originally from Arizona and I wasn't planning on looking for her but right now I missed my Arizona sun.

"Let me look." The man started tapping away on his computer. "Well, we have one that leaves at six p.m. and get's in…"

"No. That won't work." I cut him off. "When does your next bus leave? Where's it going?"

"That would be that bus over there. It's going to Los Angeles. You have to hurry. It leaves in two minutes." He advised.

"How much?" I asked desperately.

"That would be one hundred and eighty dollars."

"I'll take it." I slammed down my wadded up bills and the poor man started to pull out the correct cash. "You will get in around ten p.m. tomorrow evening. Here is your ticket."

"Thank you." I whispered and then proceeded to jog back out in the rain to reach the bus before it took off.

I tried to keep my head down as I entered the bus. I still had my hood on and I didn't want to draw any unwanted attention to myself. When I found a seat toward the back I pulled off my soaked pull over and laid it out on the seat next to me to dry out. My jeans were still soaked and it was hard for me to keep warm so I curled myself up into a ball and used my backpack as a pillow.

The bus started pulling out of the station and I could almost feel a release of tension. Of course I wasn't exactly going to get my hopes up. I probably would feel more and more tension leave the farther I got from Port Angeles. The farther I got away from this life.

I couldn't help but have a moment of reminiscence thinking back to how I came to live in that town. My life after Edward. I sighed. I hated thinking about Edward but it was something I couldn't escape from thinking about every single day. How I wronged him and would surly burn in hell for what I had done.

I tried to warm myself, using my hands to rub my legs up and down but no luck.

Los Angeles. I can't believe of all the places in the world, I was heading to Los Angeles. Either this was fate or some cruel joke the universe planned on playing on me.

_"Why won't you tell me your top choice? Come on, Swan; I'll tell you mine." Edward taunted._

Walking through the forest on one of the rare sunny days in Forks; Edward got me up at six a.m. breaking my summer rule of sleeping in every day. I grumbled the whole time as he tried to help me over logs and keep me from tripping over branches. I was the most uncoördinated person on the planet and even his efforts weren't enough sometimes.

_"It's private." I stated._

_"Private? Private school?" he guessed._

_"That's not what I meant. I'm not playing a guessing game." I insisted._

_"Just tell me. Come on tell me." He lightly demanded. "If you don't tell me then I won't show you something really cool. Trust me, you want to see this."_

_"Ew Masen, I don't think I do." I laughed._

_"Stop being gross. I'm not walking another step until you tell me." He threatened._

_"That's not funny. I have no idea where I am. How am I going to find my way back?" I started looking around but everything looked the same all around me._

_"Then you better tell me."_

_"It's embarrassing. I'm probably not even going to get in." I huffed._

_"Don't say that. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You are like the smartest person I know." He looked at me dead in the eye._

_I sighed, "It's all I dreamed about since I was little. Dartmouth. Okay." _

I don't know why I was so afraid of telling him. Maybe because a silly little part of me believed that if I talked about it then it would never come true.

_"Dartmouth." Edward cringed. "New Hampshire?"_

_"Well, last time I checked they hadn't moved the school." I rolled my eyes._

_"I guess I could apply there. Didn't really think about it." He mumbled._

_"Why would you apply there? Besides you never told me your top pick."_

_"Well, I want to go somewhere warm. I hate this cold weather all the time. I need sunlight for god sakes." He replied._

_"You could go to the University of Hawaii." I suggested._

_"Great Swan, out of the pool and into the ocean. It rains in Hawaii almost as much as it rains here." He picked up a stick and aimed to throw it at a tree._

_"So…" I continued._

_"So…I was thinking California. They say that it's always sunny and when it rains the Californians get all pissed off and it scares away the rain god. That's why their always in a drought season."_

_"Edward, you're so stupid. Rain god." I shook my head at his absurdity._

_"You should come to Cali. They have Stanford and U.C.L.A., Berkeley a wide array of great schools." _

_"I'll think about it after I've been rejected from Dartmouth." I considered._

_"Ugh. Well if you have your heart set on Dartmouth then I guess New Hampshire here we come." _

He tried to throw the stick as far as he could but unfortunately Edward and I weren't the most physical people and the stick only managed to make it a short distance.

_"You don't have to go to Dartmouth. With your Pre SAT scores I'm sure you could go wherever your little heart desires."_

_"I'll make you a deal Swan. We will go to Dartmouth and then you have to promise me that you will move to California after that. That's the plan. I give up four years of my life and then you owe me the rest of your life in sunny Beach Boy California." He held out his hand for me to shake on it. He was being completely ridiculous but how could I say no to that. Doubtful that it would ever pan out I shook on it._

"Excuse me Miss, the bus is taking a short break for a food stop if you'd like to get off." The driver had woken me up. I looked around me and could see we were in the middle of nowhere practically with a just a handful of fast food places and gas stations surrounding us.

"I'm okay. Can I stay on the bus?" I asked.

"Sure. If you change your mind the bus will be here for twenty more minutes." The kind man gave me a small reassuring smile and then turned around to leave. I was all alone so I took that opportunity to change quickly out of my damp clothes. I practically groaned in relief when I put the warm dry clothes on.

I was afraid of getting off that bus. I thought with my luck it would leave and I would be stuck there in the middle of nowhere with no choice but to hitchhike. I pulled out an apple from my bag and made do with that for my lunch and dinner. I was down to forty-nine dollars and I needed every last cent to go to food for when I arrived in Los Angeles.

I wasn't sure where I was going to sleep so I tried my best to sleep as much as possible on that long bus ride. I didn't want to go to some motel even if I could afford one night. I needed to make this money last until I could find some type of job. I was a little worried about that seeing how I never even finished community college. Jacob didn't think it was necessary for me to waste my time with a second year so I dropped out and became a dedicated housewife…well house fiancé. Thank god Jacob and I never got around to sealing that deal.

The bus dropped everyone off at this large bus depot in the center of Los Angeles. This was a lot different from upstate Washington. My surroundings reeked of urine. The walls were covered in graffiti and there was trash all over the ground. I held my backpack close to me as I tried to find someplace to go.

Suddenly my little freedom idea didn't seem like such a well laid plan as I walked the poorly lite streets of Los Angeles. This is where celebrities live? I couldn't fathom wanting to live here.

I saw a McDonald's on the corner and decided to reel my culture shock in with some protein. Maybe I would have a better perspective once I had actual food in my stomach. The two apples I ate certainly weren't doing the trick.

I made my order under three dollars asking for a courtesy cup for water and buying two small cheeseburgers off the dollar menu. A man walked in as I was eating and I couldn't help but overhear his conversation. He worked at a homeless shelter and was telling the girl behind the counter how full up they were tonight since there was a storm coming in.

I knew it was me who brought the storm. Bad weather seemed to follow me everywhere I went like some pathetic cartoon character with a constant rain cloud over their head. I guess I should look into a shelter. I was homeless technically now but I still felt bad about taking up a place for someone who might really need it. I'm sure I could last a couple of nights on the street.

Right then the sky lite up from a lightning bolt that shot across the sky. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to check out a few shelters just to be sure.

I asked the worker at McDonald's if I could look at their telephone book and she watched me as I stood in the corner thumbing through pages. I found a couple of places over on Fifth Street.

"Excuse me miss. Uh…could you tell me where San Pedro and Fifth Street is located?" I asked handing her back the phone book.

She looked at me for a moment and then started to pull off some receipt paper. "This is Seventh Street. You're going to take Seventh west and you will hit San Pedro then two blocks north, you will hit Fifth Street. It's almost a mile away." She looked outside seeing the weather continue on with its down pour and sighed.

"Thank you." I softly replied picking up the receipt paper where she had written out her directions.

She turned around and picked up a cup and filled it with coffee. "Here, this will keep your hands warm at least."

I nodded and thanked her again.

I will never forget the first person who showed me kindness when I arrived to Los Angeles. I vowed that somehow I would pay it forward. I walked to mile to San Pedro and fifth and found the shelter.

"We're all full up." A woman called out to me as she saw me approach. I was drenched and tried to find shelter underneath the overhang of her property until I could come up with another plan.

"God, look at you. You're a mess. You should try the shelter over on Fourth Street. Ask for Rosalie Hale she runs My Sister's Helper. She might be able to help you." The woman said to me.

"Oh and one more thing. Try and get to a shelter earlier next time. We start our line at one p.m. every day."

I nodded and thanked her. I looked up into the sky and back out I went into the cold to find Fourth Street. My Sister's Helper was a large house that stood on the street in between a liquor store and some other smaller homes. Every place looked in disarray but I wasn't about to be picky for an even the chance at a warm place to sit.

I knocked on the door and waited on the porch, shivering. My poor bag was probably soaked through at this point which meant that the clothes inside were wet as well.

"I'm sorry we're all full." A beautiful woman answered the door. She looked like she belonged on a billboard for some swanky clothing line, not answering the door at some homeless shelter. Hearing the words come out of her mouth broke me.

I turned around and started to walk back down the steps. My tears causing more problems with my vision. What was I doing? This was the stupidest idea you ever had Bella Swan. Stuck in this stupid city with no way of staying dry until the storm passed. I should go to a local McDonald's and see if they will allow me to stay for a while.

"Wait." The woman called out to me.

I turned around.

"Come back." She looked like she was fighting with herself. "Come back." She waved me over.

Rigidly I walked back toward her and up the stairs.

"I don't have any more beds and the county states I can only house as many woman as the number of beds I have. But it's a miserable night and you look like you are in desperate need of a hot shower. I'll figure something out. Hi. I'm Rosalie Hale." She held out a hand to me and I gladly shook it. Rosalie; I felt like she had just saved my life.

"Bella. Bella Swan."

She pulled me into the house and took me upstairs to a bathroom.

"Do you have any dry clothes?" She asked.

"Yes but I think the rain soaked through my bag and…" I looked down at my bag.

"Well if you give them to me I will run them through the dryer. You can wear these for now." She handed me a bundle that included blue sweatpants and sweatshirt, a towel and an unopened shampoo, toothbrush and tooth paste.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

"No. Just tired."

"Wash up and when you come out I will show you a place to sleep."

She turned to leave and I called after her. "Rosalie. Thank you. It's….well…just thank you."

She nodded once and gave me a small smile.

The shower was wonderful and I never wanted to leave it but then Edward's words popped up into my head reminding me that California was always in a drought so I tried to cut my amazing shower short.

I walked back down the stairs now decked out in my uber warm sweats.

"Feel better?" Rosalie asked me with a smile.

"Tons. I think that was the best shower of my life." I replied.

"Good. Well I hope you don't mind but I made up the couch for you. Like I said we are all out of beds tonight." Rosalie cringed looking down at her couch.

"Oh, this is more than I could ask for. I wouldn't mind sleeping on the floor just so long as I don't have to be out there. Thank you."

"It's no problem, Bella. We've all been there. Sleep tight." Rosalie walked back upstairs and I was left with my warm couch. I looked around the room once I settled into bed. The house looked like it was in need of some serious upgrades. Wall paper was peeling and the wooden floors looked worn. The furniture was sparse and even this couch looked like it had seen better days but I loved all of it because it was new and exciting and far from Jacob.

I wonder what he was doing right now. Would he have managed to find dinner for himself? Who would wash his uniform now? Who would clean up after him? All those years I spent in purgatory, I couldn't help but smile a little at the thought.

I met Jacob when I was in my second month at Community College in Port Angeles. He was the first boy to take interest in me and after all I had been through I craved the companionship. He became fast friends with my father since it was his aspirations to go into law enforcement. But then he slowly changed.

That's probably not fair to say. I think my changing had to do a lot with that. I was already in sad state of depression when I met Jacob and he just found a way to take advantage of that. I didn't care that he would hit me or slap me or make horrible comments to me. I should have cared but like I said I deserved every bit of bad karma to come my way for what I did.

I don't think I could ever be forgiven for killing Edward's baby. I was a murderer.

I tried to keep my sniffles down. I didn't want to be so rude to wake up anyone who was staying in this house. I turned over and tried to think of something positive. I was in Los Angeles. It took me a little longer than four years to get here but I made it.

I wonder where Edward was now. Was he happy? I hope he was. If he wasn't then all my efforts were for nothing.

* * *

**AN:** Every other chapter will be from Edward's POV. I will try not to cross over too much as I know how annoying it can be to read the same conversation twice but from the other POV. I have about seven chapters done so far on this story and will try to update twice a week since I am giving you two different POV's a week. Thank you soo much for reading this. I am overwhelmed by the response. A special shot out to the readers who came over from A Working Title. I am working right now on chapter thirty-four of that story and hope to be done by tomorrow. THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING!


	3. Chapter 3

**EPOV**

**CHAPTER THREE**

**"**Alice!" I barked into the two-way intercom.

"Yes, Edward." She sighed sounding irritated.

"Send over an arrangement to Dr. Caroline Harper." I ordered.

"What kind of arrangement?" she asked. "Do you want to send her flowers that say I'm in love with you? Or flowers that say congratulations you haven't killed me yet? Or I could send a condolence arrangement for having to put up with you."

"Do I need to send you on an unpaid mandatory vacation, again?" I threatened.

"You're not going to fire me, Edward. I'm the only person who can put up with you. Remember the last time you tried to fire me?" She taunted.

I huffed knowing that she loved to throw that in my face every chance she got. Okay so yes I once fired my personal assistant Alice and maybe I went through half a dozen other assistants before I came to terms with the mistake I made and I asked Alice back. Of course she like to tell a different version of the story but I learned to work with her since I didn't want a repeat of the parade of girls coming in here who were idiots or just trying to seduce me.

"Just send her a regular arrangement and put, Thank you for your time. Wish you the best in future endeavors."

"You're quitting Caroline Harper?" I could hear her jump up from her desk and three seconds later burst into my office. Alice the short, pixie pain in my ass who practically floated into a room.

"Why?" she demanded.

"It's run its course. I am not obligated to see her any longer and I have better things to do with my time. That is all." I dismissed.

"Edward, but you were doing so well." She flopped down in the chair across from my desk looking exasperated.

"Alice, this is none of your business. Now can you perform the task I asked of you? Or should I have your assistant do it?"

She narrowed her eyes at me and started fuming. Alice was a tad upset when I hired Jessica to be Alice's assistant. You'd think she would be happy that I gave her help but for the past month she would shoot daggers at me with her eyes every time she heard me mention of Jessica.

Jessica was the daughter of a respected client of Cullen International. Her father James asked me to help her find a position since she seemed to have trouble maintaining a job. I could see why. The girl was a complete idiot but at the time I wanted to land that contract so I put Alice in charge of finding odd jobs for her here; faxing, copying or making coffee.

Politics.

"Don't give me that look, Alice." I instructed.

"I will never forgive you for that. You know that she actually asked me what the difference was between Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, yesterday. Do I look like the kind of girl who would give two shits what differences there were between the Full House twins? Ugh. When are you going to fire her and give me a real assistant? I'm practically drowning in paperwork out there." Alice jumped up and started her pacing while continuing on with her little fit. "I have butt loads of filing to do but I can't trust Jessica to do that anymore ever since she mixed up her alphabet and put M before L. Who has ever sung their alphabet song putting M before L!"

She wasn't going to stop. She was content on spending the rest of my day standing there in my office going over all of Jessica's shortcomings. In fact she still was talking even though I had started to tune her out.

"….and then I caught her in the copy room trying to take a picture of her breasts."

"Okay. All right. Enough, geez Alice. Would you get off my back if I allow you to hire another assistant?"

Alice immediately perked up. "Really?" she paused waiting for confirmation.

"Will I get to pick the person?" she asked skeptically.

"I guess, but you better pick well or I will have no problem making you fire him or her."

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh happy day." She jumped up and down doing her little dance.

"Now would you do as I asked and send the arrangement out and then leave me the hell alone." I went back to sitting at my desk and firing up my email.

"What wrong side of the four-posted bed did you wake up on?" she grumbled.

"GO. Or no assistant."

Alice flew out of the room her little fairy wings carrying her as fast as they could fly. I hated how right she was. I had a horrible night's sleep. First I tossed and turned reliving the moments I talked about in my session from earlier that day and then when I finally did manage to get to sleep I had dreams about Bella that quickly turned into nightmares.

I was resolved to not see Caroline Harper but over the next few days it was all the same. I couldn't focus on my work. The nightmares came every night. I struggled over and over with the demons from my past.

I had enough so I put a call out.

"Jenks." The man always picked up on the first ring.

"Jenks, I need you to check in on the Swan girl again." I relayed. "I want more details."

"I could go by today but by the time I come back from Port Angeles it will be late." He replied.

"Do it. I don't care. Call me the moment you have any information."

He hung up and now I waited. I felt dirty for spying on her but I needed to know. Just like a couple of years back when I asked Jenks the first time to check in on Bella. Over the years I started making it a habit to call Jenks up once a year so he could give me a progress report.

It was always the same findings. Bella was engaged to a local cop named Jacob. They still hadn't tied the knot and she was a stay at home wife or whatever. I couldn't believe that she would have been happy not having a career. After all the talks we had of her wanting to be a high school English teacher or maybe a writer or a journalist. How could she have found happiness just sitting at home; cleaning and cooking?

I had a million things to do but I couldn't focus on one of them. I had managed to make Cullen International one of the top Architectural firms in the world in just a few short years. Of course I had help from my father giving me start-up money but I had paid him back years ago.

It was rare these days for me to even be involved with designing buildings since I had an intelligent staff full of brilliant architects. It was a shame really since I did love the design process. Now my job consisted of red tape and politics.

"Seth." I decided that I should just go home since I was of no use here. "Pick me up downstairs."

"Sure thing, sir."

I gathered up my files just in case I managed to get some work done at home.

"Alice, I'm leaving for the day. Call me if there's an emergency." I said as I passed her desk heading to the elevator. Alice looked perplexed by my early leave. It was rare for me to leave the office early. I was usually the last person to go home at night unless I had a meeting.

I looked up at my building as I climbed into the car. I loved that building. It was one of the last projects that I actually had my hands in. The building was sixty-five stories high and it was prominent in the Los Angeles skyline which doesn't say much since Los Angeles's skyline is rather dismal but I loved it here. For a while people tried to convince me to move to New York and it probably would have been a smart move since there is far more international business that comes through New York but I couldn't stand the idea of going back to the cold. I suffered for four years on the east coast for college because I stuck to the plan. Even if Bella had bailed on me; I stuck to the stupid plan.

"What did you find?" I was already on my second glass of scotch when Jenks call came through. So far since I had been home I had showered, practiced some tai chi then went for a three-mile quick run on my treadmill, showered again and finally turned to alcohol to calm my nerves.

"Well sir, I don't know what to tell you." He sighed.

My chest instantly tightened. This sounded bad. Oh god, please don't let this be bad.

"It appears that Isabella Swan is missing."

"WHAT?" I roared.

"Well, not missing really. My source at the station said that Jacob Black, Isabella's fiancé came home a couple of nights ago to a letter saying that she was leaving him."

I breathed out in relief.

"Where did she go?" I asked.

"Not sure. No one knows. She left the car, all her bank cards and nearly everything behind; there wasn't even cash missing from any bank accounts. My contact says that she didn't have any friends so it was unlikely that she ran off with anyone. They say that Jacob was a mess. He went crazy so much so that the department gave him a few days off to cool down. Some guys wonder if maybe she was planning on killing herself. They say that she was battling depression; in and out of the hospital all the time."

No. Bella wouldn't do that. She wasn't stupid. She would never kill herself. I kept running this through my mind trying to make myself feel better.

"I'm not really sure what more you want me to do, Mr. Cullen." Jenks said.

"Stay there. I want you to find out where she went. Check security cameras, ask around. Find her." I demanded.

"Sir with all due respect. She didn't have any money; she probably hitchhiked."

"I don't give a damn. Call up whoever you need to. Find her. This world is filled with cameras. There has to be something. A traffic camera, ATM camera, something. Do not call me back until you find out more." I hung up my phone. My hands were trembling from my anger.

Dammit Bella. Where are you?

Once again I tossed and turned in my bed that night. My nightmares of Bella lost, Bella being assaulted while she climbed into some asshole's truck trying to find a way out of Washington. I couldn't take this anymore. I couldn't take any more restless nights.

Early the next morning, I found myself on a door step banging loudly on the door. I know I was about to have my ass chewed off but I didn't care.

"Mr. Cullen. This is highly inappropriate." Dr. Caroline Harper opened the door to her private residence and I was fully aware of how inappropriate it was to contact her at her home but like I said I didn't care.

"I know but I needed to see you. I can't sleep and when I do its all nightmares. I'm going insane and you took an oath to help out the crazies so here I am."

"For the last time; we do not refer to people as crazy. I was under the impression that you wished me well with future endeavors." She crossed her arms over her chest to give me the good old stare down.

"My assistant sent that note prematurely. I apologize for any inconvenience she may have caused." I grumbled.

"No. Mr. Cullen, not until you apologize to me properly will I help you. You are not going to blame others for your issues."

"Fine." I huffed. "I apologize. Happy?"

"I think you could do better but I guess we can work on that." She opened her door wider and I walked into the house. It was a nice house but I could design something better.

"This way." She said as she showed me to her office.

"Wow, nice office. Good to know that you save the best for yourself. This couch looks far more comfortable than the one at your office." I remarked.

"Of course it is. Why would I want to waste the good couch on the likes of you?"

Did she just make a joke? I looked back to her and she was already seated in her chair pulling out her pen as she started scribbling on her yellow note pad.

"So. Where were we?" she said aloud. "I believe you were going to tell me what happened to your relationship with Bella."

I sat there staring out the window to her garden.

"Edward." She prompted again.

I sighed, "She…" I started shaking my head as the story played out in my head once more. "I wanted to try to find a way to tell Bella of my feelings for her. But I was a coward so I did something incredibly stupid."

Bella and I were one month away from our senior prom and I wanted her to be my date but I was afraid she either wouldn't take me seriously or worse she would laugh at the preposterous idea of us going to senior prom. I decided that maybe I could work up the courage and find a way to tell her if I sent her secret admirer notes.

I wrote the first note out trying to disguise my handwriting. It simply stated:

_Bella, _

_I have been thinking about you for a long time. I think you and I would have a great time at the prom. Please think about it and give me a chance. _

_Your Secret Admirer._

I slipped the note into her locker and then made sure that I was there when she received the note.

_"So I was thinking that maybe we could forgo the whole cheeseburger and chili fries combo today and get something a tad healthier. My stomach was so upset last Thursday when we had that."_ She cringed while putting in the combination to her lock at her locker.

_"Whatever you want. I had a big breakfast." I replied distracted._

My heart was racing as she opened the locker and the note tumbled to the ground.

_"What's that?" she asked._

I reached down and picked it up handing it to her.

_"I don't know. Your locker."_

Keep it cool Edward. She opened the note and I was thankful that it wasn't a rainy day or else that note would have been wreaked.

She furrowed her brow and rolled her eyes crumpling up the note.

_"What was it?" I asked._

_"Some stupid joke." She mumbled._

_"What did it say?"_

_"Just forget it." She replied slamming her locker shut._

_"Come on, Bella. What was it?" I asked a little more forcefully._

_"Forget it, Masen. Just some dumbass who wants to ask me to the prom. It's obviously a joke." She was angry and I could see her trying to fight back tears. Now I felt like shit. I had to fix this._

_"Maybe it wasn't a joke. Who sent it?" I asked._

_"Didn't say. Just signed secret admirer." She breathed out loudly and turned to walk toward the cafeteria. "Real original, asshole." She mumbled under her breath._

_"I think you should just take it serious for right now until we find out who sent it." I suggested._

_"Edward, what's going to happen? I will take the note seriously, get all dressed up for the big day with hope in my heart and sparkles in my eyes and then somehow I will be pulled on stage and big vat of pigs blood dropped on me."_

_"I would never allow that to happen. I refuse to let you go all Carrie on Forks High."_

She shook her head and we continued on standing in our line at the cafeteria. Since she wanted something a little healthier I started pulling on different healthy foods onto our tray why she stood there fuming.

_"What if I were to go, just to be sure that nothing went wrong. I will be your wing man and if for some reason it turns out to be a joke well then I will plot with you a great way to take out our revenge."_

_"Edward, you hate dances. We already said that we weren't going to subject ourselves to extra-curricular school functions."_

_"It's senior prom. It's a rite of passage. I would go…for you."_

She just shook her head and continued to dismiss me.

A week later I sent her another note stating that I really hoped that she would agree to meet me by the punch bowl at eight pm. I could tell that Bella was a little more receptive to this note and that gave me hope.

_"Maybe we could go. I should at least see who it is that's trying to ruin my life this week." She offered._

_"Like I said. We will have the upper hand. I won't allow anything bad to happen." I promised._

I sent her another note the following day telling her that I couldn't wait to see her in that beautiful dress and I hoped that we would dance all night long.

_"I can't go." Bella stated before slamming herself against the locker and sliding down to the ground._

_"Why not? I was planning on buying our tickets tomorrow." I said almost panicked. _

_"It's just a stupid dance." She whispered. _

I sat down next to her.

_"It's just one stupid dance. You should experience one stupid dance in your life." I pushed._

_"I can't afford it. How am I going to ask my dad for money to buy a dress that I'm only going to wear once? He's already stressing out over my college tuition even though I told him that I was only planning on going to community college but I can tell the money is real tight."_

Oh man. I didn't know what to say. I would offer her money but I knew she would never take it. What was I going to do?

I barely slept that night as I tried to come up with ways of figuring out a dress for Bella. I went ahead and bought our tickets. One way or another I was determined to get Bella to that prom. With all the notes I had been sending her I could tell that she was starting to perk up. She seemed happier just thinking that somebody might take interest in her.

The next day was Saturday. I drove my car to Port Angeles and found a dress shop there. I asked to purchase a gift card and put four hundred dollars on it just to make sure she would have well enough to cover the dress and shoes and whatever else girls needed.

Monday morning I slid the envelope into her locker. I knew I needed to figure out a way of giving her this so she wouldn't think I told her Secret admirer of her money issues.

_Bella,_

_Please accept this gift card. I want my girl to be dressed in the best when I finally have my first dance with her. I hope you won't disappoint me as I am really looking forward to seeing you._

_Your Secret Admirer_

Ever since Bella pointed out how corny it was for someone to use the old secret admirer ploy I hated that I had to sign my letters that way but I already started it and I couldn't stop now.

_"Maybe he's a serial rapist." She guessed after reading my next letter._

_"What? Why would you think that?" I said a tad too offended._

_"Well, why would someone give me money for a dress if they weren't planning on putting out so that I would put out later?"_

Maddening woman!

_"Maybe he just wanted to be a nice guy and give you a night you wouldn't forget." I defended._

_"Or maybe he's planning on slipping something into my punch, wait for me to pass out before he takes naked pictures of me and ruins the rest of my life." She concocted. _

_"Like I said before and this is the last damn time I will say it. I won't let that happen. Go and pick out your damn dress." I snapped._

I turned around and stormed off. Sometimes she could piss me off. I was jumping through hoops and this woman wouldn't give me an inch.

I drove Bella to Port Angeles after she found me to apologize for her behavior. She blamed it on hormones or something but I stopped her when she decided to get graphic.

I didn't want to see what dress she chose. Silly me for not wanting the surprise to be ruined but she insisted that I help her citing the B.F.F. code.

When she came out of the dressing room, my jaw dropped and I was in awe. Thank god that she wouldn't even look up to me because of her shyness but I had managed to compose myself by the time she finally did look to me for advice.

_"I love it." I said in awe._

I paused for a moment as I took in that navy blue dress as it hugged her whole slender body. I hardly even noticed before that Bella had breasts, I mean with this dress it was hard to not notice them. I looked away trying to focus on something else for a quick moment.

_"I think you nailed it." I praised._

_"Really?" She turned and appraised herself in the mirror. "You don't think it's…to tight or revealing?"_

_"Swan, it's perfect. Just buy the damn dress already."_

She smiled at me and I swear it lit up the room. I felt like I could see our whole future laid out before us. We would go to prom. I would finally man up and tell her how I felt about her and then we would go to Dartmouth because then I would move heaven and earth to find her every scholarship I could and maybe even some she would never know about. After Dartmouth we would move to Los Angeles and she would change young lives as a high school English teacher who would write for fun on the side and I would go off and master whatever business I decided to go into. We would marry, have children together and live out our lives, happy.

"What stopped you from fulfilling that dream, Edward? Did she not feel for you the way you felt for her?" Caroline asked.

"I was just some stupid naïve kid. Still believing in dreams; that's what happened."

"Did you ever get the chance to tell her how you felt?"

"No. I was a coward and I practically ruined our lives because of it."

The plan for the evening was to pick up Bella and drive us both out to the hotel where they were putting on our prom in one of the big conference rooms. My dad even popped for a double suite and surprisingly Charlie went along with it. I was starting to get this vibe from Charlie that he thought I was gay. Oh well, whatever worked.

When Bella came down the stairs; she looked like an angel. She curled her hair and applied minimal makeup which I was happy about. I hated when girls in our class wore a pound of makeup and looked like some kind of Jackson Pollack painting.

_"You look great, Edward." She smiled at me._

_"I was just thinking the same thing." I replied._

_Charlie looked between us. "So…Bells you still have everything I gave you, right?"_

_"Yes." She replied embarrassed._

_"Be safe." He hugged her one last time. "Edward. You too."_

Charlie gave me a look that suddenly felt like he wasn't questioning himself any longer on my sexual orientation.

_"Yes sir." I politely responded._

I helped Bella into the car making sure we didn't shut her dress in the car door. The whole ride there we were taking silly bets on what was going to happen tonight. Who was going to hook up with whom? How long the girl who was named prom queen would cry. Stupid stuff.

_"You see it's not so bad." I _remarked when we entered the ballroom all done up in our high school colors. Justin Timberlake's latest blaring through the speakers.

_"I guess." _She looked nervous and I couldn't blame her because I was crazy nervous too.

_"Just in case we get separated you have the room key." I reminded her._

She nodded and I could see her dry her sweaty palms on her dress.

_"It's almost eight." I whispered. "No matter what. I'm still here." _

She nodded again.

_"Well, I guess I should go and get this over with." She breathed out a sigh and then squeezed my hands one last time before making the walk to the punch bowl._

It turned eight and I could see her stand there with all the hope in the world and it occurred to me that my feelings for her were stronger and far different from what she felt for me. She didn't love me the way I loved her. I couldn't do it. I couldn't go over to her and feel that rejection; it would kill me.

So I stood there and watched her as the minutes passed and I could see the hope drain from her eyes and slowly replaced with tears.

* * *

**AN:** Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am happy to see the positive response to this story.


	4. Chapter 4

**BPOV**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

I practically jumped three feet into the air when I was awoken by screams of children running down the stairs early the next morning. I had forgotten where I was and for a second I thought I was back at home and it made me wonder why there were children in our apartment. Jacob hated kids; he would never allow them in our apartment but then after I opened my eyes and everything came flooding back to my memory as I looked around the living room area, I felt relief.

"Shhhh what did I tell you about screaming at this time in the morning. There are people trying to sleep." I could hear the mother reprimanding her children. She must have been getting them ready for school. I thought it was best to just stay on my couch and act asleep.

"Go to the kitchen." She ordered. I could hear all their feet patter all the way across the old wooden floor and the swinging of the door to the kitchen as they left.

I must have only had five hours of sleep that first night but now that I was awake it was hard for me to get back to sleep. I looked up to the ceiling and started to make patterns out of the cracks and stains upon it. I needed to come up with some sort of game plan. It was obviously that I needed money. The only way to get money was to either do something illegal or find a job. Seeing how I wasn't a law-breaker; job it was.

What kind of job. I mean I had little to no college education and sure I may have graduated in the top of my high school class but Edward was always higher than me in terms of grades. Which I hated. It used to frustrate me to no end and he knew it drove me nuts so he took small satisfaction with rubbing it in every chance he got. In fact if he had never come to Forks High, I might have been Valedictorian.

_"You only got an A in Bio Chem? What happened? You were my partner; I practically fed you the answers."_

We were driving to Port Angeles to go and see a movie. His idea, not mine. He said it was to celebrate our junior year coming to an end. We had finally received our final grades and Bio Chem was the only subject where I hadn't received an A plus. Which meant that Edward had the highest GPA out of the pair of us.

_"You didn't give me the answers. I worked my ass of this semester I think the teacher played favorites." I scowled._

_"How did he play favorites? The answers are not subjective. Nice try, Swan." _He shook his head with that stupid little grin on his face. Normally I loved that grin but I was a competitive person and right now I just wanted to reach over and slap it off his face.

I reached out to change the radio station wanting to find something I could turn up and drown him out.

_"Whoa, whoa whoa. Turn that back. What are the rules Swan? You never turn off Nirvana." Edward protested loudly._

_"That's Nirvana?" I asked. _

I knew it was but I wanted to see his face turn all red and eyes bug out.

_"What do you mean, that's Nirvana? You don't know who Nirvana is?" he gasped with his face turning red and his eyes bugging out. SCORE!_

_"Geez, just kidding." I rolled my eyes._

_"You better be kidding. Or we are spending our summer reprogramming you."_

_"Edward, I may be a social outcast but I at least have a general understanding of various artists and their forms of musical expression." I replied._

_The hook began to play and I started to sing out. "Me now me now me now ode do oh."_

_"What the fuck are you singing?" Edward glanced briefly at me._

_"I never understood what he was saying so I make it up." I grinned widely knowing that I must have been killing him with my rendition._

_"The hell? Bella, the lyric goes; hello, hello, hello, how low. What didn't you understand?" he shook his head._

_"I like my version better. I think it speaks to society on the self-involvement analysis that has brought down our country." I was completely talking out of my ass but I always loved a good debate with Edward._

_"You know what? I think I finally understood why you only got an A in Bio Chem. What I can't fathom is how you managed to earn an A plus in Critical Thinking. That is definitely thanks to me." He praised himself._

_I slugged him in the arm._

_"Oww, Bella." Edward growled._

_Oh Edward and your weak little arms. I giggled._

_"I don't think I like you very much anymore." Edward pouted._

_"Come on; I barely touched you." _

_He didn't say anything. Just sat forward focusing on the road._

_"Hey Edward, are you still my B.F.F.?"_

_He looked over to me and gave me those eyes, smirked and replied, "Always."_

"Bella."

"Bella."

I must have dosed off; Rosalie was shaking me.

"Wha? Oh sorry." I apologized sitting up and wiping the sleep from my eyes.

"No worries, but I made breakfast. Would you like some?" she asked.

"Sure." I pulled the covers back and started to fold up my blanket. It was the least I could do. "Thank you."

"Leave all that. Come on. I want to introduce you to somebody." Rosalie said.

I followed Rosalie to the kitchen. There were a few other women already eating breakfast at the tables.

"Would you like oatmeal or cereal? Sorry that it's a little sparse, we usually have bigger lunches or dinners." She explained.

"This is great, truly. I'm just thankful. I'll have whatever you can spare." I replied.

She gestured to the table and I started to scoop out some oatmeal.

"Really, it's no problem." Rosalie offered.

"Good morning, my little daisies." This short girl skipped her way into the kitchen from the back door. She had black short hair that was just as short as she was and a smile on her face that made her look like something sunshine and rainbows created. Even in her smart black business suit, this girl looked full of happiness and vitality.

"Hey Alice. Did my brother tell you to stop by or did you just read my mind?" Rosalie asked.

"Well, as much as I would like to take credit for being able to read your dirty mind, Jasper told me you had some paperwork for us." She teased.

Rosalie handed her some papers from off the top of the refrigerator. "Alice, I'd like you to meet Bella. She came last night during that wicked storm. Bella, this is my sister-in-law. She married my step brother."

"Hi Bella." Alice smiled and then sat down right next to me. I swallowed the oatmeal that was still swimming around in my mouth and gave a shy hello.

"So where did you come from?" she asked.

"Uh…well, I was from Arizona originally but have lived in Oregon and Washington as well." I answered.

"I could just tell that you weren't from California. When did you get here?" she pressed on.

I don't know why but it was one of Alice's gifts. She always managed to get someone to talk.

"Last night." I replied.

"Wow. Last night? How did you know to come here?" I had peaked Rosalie's interest.

"Well, I took a bus from Washington and it left me off at the depot. I went to a McDonald's where I had heard there were some shelters around and I tried one a couple of streets away and they were all full but the nice woman there said that I should try here so now here I am."

"You get into Los Angeles just last night and you have already had far more of productive day then I have. Why did you come to L.A.? Do you have family or friends here?" Alice continued on with her questions.

"Well, no. I…it was just the first bus out of my town. I…needed to find a new life." I looked down. "I have only a few dollars left after that bus ticket and now I just need to figure out what to do. Honestly, if it wasn't for you Rosalie; I don't know what I would have done last night. I almost thought that maybe it was a mistake leaving…"

"No! It wasn't." Rose interrupted. She looked at me fiercely. "You can stay here as long as you need."

I didn't know what to say.

"Bella, trust me when I tell you that I have been where you are and leaving was the best decision I ever made. I may not have a whole lot but I don't need material things to make me happy anymore. Just knowing I have freedom is worth it all. I started this home because I wanted to give other woman who have been in my situation something that I was blessed with; a second chance at life." Rosalie said.

I sat there completely enraptured by her words and hoping that what she said was true. I wanted a second chance. I wanted to find happiness and meaning for my life.

"Have you thought about what you want to do now that you are in Cali?" Alice asked.

"I don't know. I want to find a job. I need money and unfortunately I only have a high school degree." I started.

"No. I mean it's all well and good that you want a job but what do you want to do? Career wise. Have you ever thought about it?"

"I…once upon a time I wanted to be a high school English teacher. I had my whole life planned out and somewhere it got sidetracked. I want to go college. I was accepted at some great schools back in the day but stupidly I didn't fight hard for my future and I gave up." I replied dismally.

"Well then, I think the first think I need to do is take you shopping." Alice jumped up from her chair suddenly.

"Oh…I don't have a lot of money. I need to save it to pay for food or rent…if Rosalie really will let me stay here." I looked to Rosalie.

"Bella, you are out of your mind. No one pays rent here." Rosalie stated.

"Come on. Up and up. You can't look for a job with those clothes." Alice remarked looking over my sweats combo.

"I don't know…" I bit my lip. "Thank you for being nice to me but I can't take advantage of your kindness."

"Bella, I'm not asking. I'm telling." Alice sat back down in the chair across from me and looked me straight in the eye. "What if I told you that I had the perfect job for you. Something you could do during the day that would leave you free to take night courses at a college. But, I need to dress you up a bit first. I can't walk you into Cullen International with sweat pants on. My boss will think I've gone crazy."

Rosalie started laughing. "Your boss already thinks you're crazy but so is he. Ugh."

"What kind of a job; I don't think I am qualified." I replied.

"Can you say your ABC's?" she asked seriously.

"Uh…yes." What kind of job was this?

"Then you're hired." Alice squealed.

"What job do you have for her?" Rosalie looked as perplexed as I did.

"Well, if you must know, Mr. Cullen finally agreed to allow me to hire my own personal assistant." Alice boasted.

"Shut up. He fired Jessica?" Rosalie gasped.

"No." Alice folded her tiny arms across her chest and scowled. She looked like a child being put on time out.

"Then…" Rosalie waited for her to continue.

"I think I just bugged the crap out of him with all of Jessica's faults that he just caved." Alice looked mighty proud of herself. "He's been kinda weird the past couple of days."

"Kind of? He's always weird. Weird and arrogant and…" Rosalie was struggling to find another word. She looked like her head was about to explode.

"Now, now Rosalie. You'd think you worked for him." Alice rolled her eyes.

"Well, I just didn't think that Old man Cullen had it in him. He's always such an…asshole." Rosalie huffed.

"Yeah but I think there's something to his whole asholiness. Sometimes I swear I see some humanity jump up into his eyes. But can't complain he does let me get away with murder since he knows how valuable I am to him now."

Alice looked over to me and I think I still looked rather confused.

"You just have to hear about the time I got fired." Alice started.

"Oh no, not this again." Rosalie sighed.

"Oh hush. So…Mr. Cullen became…frustrated with me one afternoon so he fired me. I had been with him for four months. No one had ever lasted more than four months. In that four months I managed to make some close friends in Human Resources so I called up the girl responsible for screening the applicants for my position and she set it up so that every girl who took on my job was worse than last. My god, you should have seen the stupid, annoying and slutty girl parade come through there. Within a couple of weeks; Mr. Cullen called me up personally and begged me to take the job back. Not only did I manage to get my job back but I also talked him into giving me one more week of paid time off as well as pay for the weeks I was "fired." It was glorious."

They way Rosalie and Alice were talking about this guy had me worried. The man did not sound like the sunshine and rainbows that Alice was obviously made from.

"Wow, that's something." I had no idea what to say to that.

"So…what do you say? Want a job assisting me?" Alice asked me again.

"You don't even know me. Why would you offer me something so amazing?" I asked.

"Well, if you were to come in and interview, I probably wouldn't have spent that much time with you and had to base my decision off that. I have sat here and talked with you for twenty minutes and I can already tell that you are someone who will work hard because you appreciate the job. You aren't irritating; asking me stupid questions about the Olsen twins and like I said all I really require is for you to know your alphabet so you can file." Alice listed.

"I really don't know what to say. I would hate to let you down." I answered honestly.

"Take the job, Bella." Rosalie cheered. "This is an amazing opportunity and like I said, you deserve a second chance. Take it."

I looked back and forth between the two. Both had warm smiles on their faces. "Okay. Yes. Thank you."

Alice jumped out of her chair and squealed again. "I just hired my first employee."

I might have to get used to all that energy.

After breakfast Rosalie handed back my now dried clothes and I got ready for Alice to take me to a clothing store. She said that we could stop by the store on our way to where she worked…well where Alice and I worked.

I was so nervous. I didn't want to let Rosalie or Alice down.

"Well, this can do for today. I will just be showing you around the office and I doubt Edward will come in." Alice said holding up a gray pant suit for me to wear.

I practically could feel the blood drain from my face when I heard her mention the name Edward.

"What? Are you okay?" Alice came over to me instantly.

I tried to shake my head clear. "Sorry…I just…that name…Edward. I knew an Edward once and…" I sighed sadly.

"Oh…I'm sorry." She looked unsure of what to say.

"No. It's stupid. I'm sorry. There are like a thousand Edwards out there. Not exactly an uncommon name." I dismissed.

"Well, if it makes you feel better; I highly doubt my boss Edward is anything like your…Edward." She didn't know Edward's relationship to me so you could tell she was fishing.

"He was just a friend. A long, long time away." I took the hanger from her that held up the gray pant suit and went into the dressing room. The suit fit well but it was a little uncomfortable. I never had the occasion to wear anything more than dresses or t-shirt and jeans. My closet back at home was minimal since Jacob rarely took me out.

"How's it going in there?" Alice called out.

"Um…good I think." I opened the door and Alice was waiting with black flats in her hands.

"You look like quite the picture." Alice smiled as she appraised me.

"Thank you." I replied.

I tried to pay for the suit at least offering up my last forty-nine dollars but Alice wouldn't hear of it. She also purchased a cute black dress for the next day as well. She said that since it was Wednesday; we could do more shopping come the weekend.

We headed off in Alice's bright red Ford Focus to the heart of downtown Los Angeles where the high rises resided. I took in the scene since everything was so dark and depressing the night before. There were still clouds in the sky that looked rather threatening but for now there wasn't a drop in the air.

"Look there." Alice pointed. "That's where I work. Cullen International. Well I guess that's where you work now too."

The building looked ominous as it stood towering over other buildings beside it. The tallest building I had ever been in was the hospital in Port Angeles. This building with its black granite and steel frame was quite a bit larger. Suddenly I was worried about the height. Was I afraid of heights? I never had a reason to be. I had never flown in a plane but I tried to keep an open mind as we dipped down beneath the giant building to park.

I followed Alice and we walked through the parking garage and to the main lobby. So many people running every which way.

"Uh…Alice. What exactly does Cullen International do?" I asked.

"Silly me. I should probably give you a little background. We are one of the top architectural firms in the whole world. Recently Edward…or maybe you should call him Mr. Cullen for right now. Just until he gets to know you. Anyway recently the company has started a new division that operates in sending over tools and resources to third world countries and giving them the opportunity to help better the lives of the people with sustainability resources."

"Wow. That's sounds really charitable." I remarked.

"This way." Alice pulled me into an elevator and pushed the button that would take us to the twentieth floor. "We are going to do a short stop at HR to set you all up with a key pass that will allow you to access the top floor. Also you will need to fill out some paperwork so that payroll can issue you a check."

"What should I put down as an address? I…I don't want people treating me a certain way because I'm homeless. You won't tell anyone, will you?" I said softly. I know that I shouldn't have been embarrassed but I was.

"No. Of course not. Why don't you put down my home address for right now. You can change it in the future when you get your own place." Alice had a saving answer for everything.

I breathed out a sigh of relief and got started on my paperwork with the help of Alice at human resources. I have to admit I felt a little giddiness bubble up in my chest when I had my picture taken for my company card. I couldn't believe that I already had a job and I honestly felt like maybe I was on the right path.

After we finished with HR, we got back onto the elevator and this time Alice hit the highest numbered button you could press. She waved her key card in front of the censor and the elevator took off. When the doors opened I couldn't help but feel way out of place. The floor was white marble and the walls were dark wooden paneled. The fixtures looked to be made from gold by the way they shined from the light bouncing off.

Alice's large desk with a rich wood that matched the walls. Across from her desk was a smaller desk where a young girl sat chewing gum while flipping through the latest People magazine.

"Jessica, I see we are quite the busy bee today." Alice greeted her.

"What's the point; he's not here." She replied gesturing toward the big double doors that remained closed.

"Well, I would like you to start your day off by un-stapling all these reports." Alice walked from behind her desk and placed a large stack on Jessica's desk.

"Who's she?" Jessica finally looked up from her magazine to see me.

"She is my new personal assistant, Bella." Alice walked back around to her desk.

"But, I'm your personal assistant." Jessica argued.

"Yes, you are but she can do the things that you can't. She can file and alphabetize."

You could see Alice's patience wearing thin.

"How much do you make?" Jessica asked me.

"Jessica, you know that HR doesn't want their employees discussing salary information to other employees." Alice scolded her.

Not like I could tell her. I wasn't sure myself what my salary was. I was just happy to have a job. I didn't care how much I made.

"Let me show you around." Alice had me follow her as she showed me where the kitchen was. There I was free to eat from the fresh muffin and bagel basket they had brought in every morning. They had some fancy coffee, tea and hot chocolate machine as well.

She showed me the copy and fax room, the bathrooms; I really got the full tour.

"Here are where the dreaded files are." Alice walked back over to where her desk was and gestured toward the wall behind her. I furrowed my brow because it was just a wall.

"You should see your face." Alice laughed. She walked over to the wall and pressed on one of the wooden panels and a part of the wall detached and came forward. The filing cabinets were inside the walls?

"Cool huh. See it's pretty and functional. Mr. Cullen thinks of everything." Alice smiled.

"Really cool." I replied.

Alice handed me a stack of files that she had already alphabetized and showed me exactly how their filing system worked. It wasn't hard just time-consuming. I worked on that the rest of my afternoon only stopping for an hour to grab lunch with Alice. I insisted that I pay; it was the least I could do. Now my funds were down to thirty dollars and some change. I had hopes that I could make that last until my first paycheck.

After lunch I got right on back to filing. At one point I was practically on my hands and knees to get to the lower files on the bottom of the cabinet and I was so embarrassed because I heard a person rushing past me with the shoes clicking on the marble. I probably wasn't in the most professional position so I tried to jump up just in case but the man was already passed me and walking into his office grunting out a gruff, "Good afternoon," as he passed.

Was that Mr. Cullen? He looked tall and broad. His hair kind of freaked me out because it was a mix between brown and copper. The last time I saw a head of hair like that, I was breaking my best friend's heart. But it was for the best.

My heart clutched remembering how Edward's eyes drained of hope the very last time I saw him.

_"It's okay, dad. Please just give me a moment."_

I looked over to my dad who looked like he was about to ground Edward into dust. Even though this whole mess was my fault my dad still wanted to blame Edward. My dad sighed loudly and walked back toward the car where I'm sure he would sit and watch us closely.

_"What's going on Bella? I have been freaking the fuck out. You haven't been going to school. You won't answer your door. What the fuck. I thought we were friends." Edward started._

_"I'm sorry. My dad pulled me from school. There were only a couple more weeks left. I've been home studying." I looked away uncomfortable._

_"Is this about what happened at Prom? Did you tell him? Jesus Bella. I can talk to him. He doesn't need to lock you away. I'm sorry for what I did. I know that you can never forgive me but…"_

_"No Edward, I'm sorry. I took advantage of you."_

_He cut me off. "That's bullshit. I took advantage of you and I feel like shit for doing so. God. I am so sorry. Please don't shut me out of your life." He begged._

_"I think this is all for the best. You need a clear head and so do I. Go to college Edward. Be successful and never look back." I said solemnly._

_"No. I'm not going to allow you to do this." He said determined shaking his head back and forth. Gritting his teeth he continued. "You are my best friend. I'm not going to give up on you. We had a deal, Swan. You shook on it."_

He was breaking. I could tell because he tried to use every futile promise we made. Childish promises. I stood there staring at him not relenting. He became more angry at my un-involvement with this conversation and growled out loud kicking a rock nearby as hard as he could.

_"What is it going to take, Bella?" He yelled._

_"Do you want me to be happy?" I asked._

_"Of course I do. That's all I have ever wanted." He snapped._

_"Then leave me be. I will be happy as long as I know that you stuck to the plan. Go Ivy League and make something great of yourself. Get to California where it never rains. Then I will be happy." _

_I turned to leave. "Good bye, Edward."_

I tried to hold the tears back. Tears would be the worst possible thing for this situation.

_"No. Please don't do this."_

Edward was having a much harder time holding back his tears.

"_Bella, please. I'm so sorry. Please just forgive me. I'll make this up to you. Please don't leave me."_

_"There's nothing for me to forgive." I whispered._

I looked back at him one last time and I could see what I had done. I broke him. He looked like a tortured human being.

I got into the car as soon as I was able to and Charlie started it up and drove on leaving Edward in the grocery store parking lot.

That was that day I had my appointment for the abortion.

I stood in that office at Cullen International reliving the worst day of my life still staring at the closed double door where Mr. Cullen had just walked through.

"Everything okay? Don't mind him. His bark is worse than his bite." Alice reassured.

"Yeah. Just startled was all." I lied.

"Well, I'm going to go and see if he is up for company…if not then I may wait until tomorrow to introduce you." Alice started to walk off.

"What? No. Don't bother him." I clutched her arm.

"Bella. He needs to meet you sometime or else one morning he is just going to come in here and wonder who the hell you are." She shook her head and then marched off toward Mr. Cullen's office.

It was only a couple of seconds later that she practically came flying out. Closing the door behind her like she wanted to trap the beast within.

"Uh…maybe tomorrow would be best." She looked at me sheepishly and went to sit back down at her desk.

I didn't see Mr. Cullen the rest of my day and after Alice's reaction I was rather happy about that. If this man had the ability to ground me into bits, I would try to wait as long as possible for that to happen.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you for taking the time to read and review. I really appreciate it! I will post this story to FictionPad and TWCS later on today.


	5. Chapter 5

**EPOV**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

"Edward, if you need to stop for today; that's alright you know."

I hadn't spoken a word for five straight minutes. Just thinking back to that day caused me to feel things that I had shut deep away. I couldn't take my eyes off Dr. Harper's garden. It had me mesmerized and made me think of happier times.

"No. I want to keep going. I can't take any more sleepless nights." I replied softly.

"All right. What happened next?" Dr. Harper asked.

"I stood there watching her as she looked around trying to find the people responsible for playing this cruel joke. She didn't know that there was no one to look for because I was the person who sent her the letters. Finally she left the punch bowl after standing beside it for nearly an hour. I still don't know why she stood there for so long. If it had been me; I would have left after twenty minutes…"

Bella gave up practically ran from the grand ballroom. I had been frozen in place watching this nightmare play out. The moment I saw her back I finally managed to unfreeze and chase on after her.

She beat me to our room and surprisingly enough she was raiding the minibar by the time I arrived.

_"What…what are you doing?" _I gasped watching her down the whole mini bottle of vodka.

_"Don't worry Masen; I'll find a way to pay you back. Come on let's toast." She rose up a brand new mini bottle of tequila and said, "To Isabella Swan the stupidest, most gullible, disgusting and pathetic girl to ever walk the halls at Forks High. Cheers."_

She downed the next bottle and I practically launched myself at her to stop this.

_"Stop it, Bella. You're not any of those things. Just stop this." I demanded._

_"Why? Edward give me one good reason why this isn't the right reaction. I actually thought that some guy cared about me." She laughed. "That's stupid. I believed that this guy was going to change my life and I would never have to be alone again. That's gullible. I have never been wanted and now I have proven that I am so hideous that guys have to mark me as their targets to show me just how pathetic I really am."_

_"Bella, you're not any of those things. Look, there's something I have…."_

_"Either drink up or get the hell out." Bella interrupted me and pushed a mini bottle into my hands. _

She looked a mess. Her eye liner was running down her cheeks with her tears. Her eyes were blood-shot from crying and all I could think was; I did this. I hurt the one person I loved. I opened the bottle and downed the double shot. The liquid burning my chest as it traveled down to my stomach. I swear I could feel it the whole way. I had never even had a sip of alcohol before.

Part of me felt like I owed her this. That this was the very least I could do. I still was having trouble finding the right time to tell her but I hoped that, with what they called liquid courage would soon set in so I could man up.

The more Bella drank the happier she seemed to be getting…

I tried to not drink more than I could handle. I sipped my alcohol believing that one of us needed to keep a sober frame of mind.

Suddenly, Bella jumped up and the sudden movement made her fall back down. She laughed and laughed at herself. She managed to get back up again and then she did something that I wish she hadn't. She began to strip.

I gulped watching her as she rid herself of the dress I bought her. She was in nothing more than a white strapless bra and matching panties. I couldn't believe what I was looking at. I couldn't help but notice just how beautiful she was and I could feel myself become aroused by it.

She walked over to me and straddled me.

_"Bella…I don't think that this is a good idea." I stammered as she lowered herself onto me. I was still in my black suit pants and white dress shirt._

_"Really, I think I can feel just how much of a good idea this is." She whispered into my ear as she softly rubbed her core over my hard on and it took all my focus to not cum right there in my pants. _

I couldn't believe that this was Bella. She was always so shy. This wasn't Bella. This was the alcohol.

_"Uh…god…I…"_

I didn't know what to say. I mean this was my dream; every fantasy I ever had was with Bella and now those fantasies were coming to life. But, I also knew I couldn't take advantage of her.

_"You care about me, right?" _She asked pulling back from my ear to look at me in the eye.

_"Of course I do." I stated. _

The moment the words left my mouth; her lips crashed into mine and she started to kiss me aggressively. It almost felt like she was afraid of letting go for fear I would dismiss her.

Kissing Bella was all I had thought about the past couple of months but now that I was doing it and feeling her misplaced desperation I didn't like it. I wanted Bella to kiss me because she wanted to kiss me not because she was trying to help out her self-esteem.

I slowly stopped and she pulled back. She started to undo my pants and my hands reached out to stop her.

_"Come on. You don't want to do this, Bella. You don't want your first time to be drunk and upset." I tried to plead with her._

_"Please. Yes I do. I just….please….I need to know…" she started crying again and it killed me._

_"No." I replied strong. _

I shook my head and I could see whatever hope there was left, leave her eyes. She pushed off of me and ran to the bedroom slamming the door shut. I sighed and sat there not sure what I should do.

I needed to talk to her.

I picked myself up and marveled how the alcohol was affecting my head. I hadn't even noticed how tipsy I was. I made my way to her bedroom where she laid under the covers crying.

_"Bella." I called out to her. "Please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry. I just don't want you doing something you'll regret in the morning."_

I slowly climbed on the bed and pulled the covers down so I could see her face.

_"Go away." She whispered._

_"No. I'm your best friend and I'm not going anywhere." I vowed._

_She laughed a little. "Even my best friend thinks I'm too hideous to throw me a pity fuck."_

_"Stop it. I don't think that. I think you're beautiful. God Bella. I wish you could see how beautiful you are." _

I pulled back the sheets and lay down next to her. The last time we slept this close to one another was at one of our camp outs. It had gotten too cold and Bella refused to cancel our plans so eventually I climbed into the sleeping bag with her so at least our body temperature could keep us warm.

I pulled Bella to me and held her to my chest as she continued to cry.

_"Why doesn't anyone want me?" she asked through sobs._

_"I want you." I whispered._

_"No you don't." she dismissed. _

I took her hand and placed it on my still harden cock.

_"Feel that? Don't tell me I don't want you." I snapped._

I let go of her hand expecting her to let go of me instantly but instead she kept it there. After a couple of seconds she started to rub me and I couldn't help the groan of appreciation come out of me.

She let go long enough to wiggle her hand down my pants and she continued to grab my shaft. Her hot little hand felt like pure ecstasy. Slowly she started to pump me; up and down, up and down.

_"Bella…" I gasped. "Baby…" I couldn't stop her but the more male side of my brain told me to just shut the hell up. _

I hadn't even noticed that she had managed to undue my zipper until it was done. She pulled back my boxers springing my manhood free. I knew she didn't know what she was doing but I didn't care. Bella was touching me and that alone could get me off.

She pushed herself back up and managed to straddle me again. Rubbing her white little panties over my cock; her breasts were in direct line of sight, almost my undoing. She reached back and undid her bra and her breasts popped out and it was all over for me thinking I could refrain.

I reached up and grabbed her nipple with my teeth and I could hear Bella practically scream with delight. Her white little panties felt damp as it rubbed back and forth on the tip of my cock.

She placed a hand down between us and I pushing her panties aside, she guided my cock right into her sweet center. Just the tip made it in before I tried to protest one last time.

_"Bella…no…baby…"_

But it was too late, she slammed herself down on me and I could feel everything as I shredded her womanhood. My dick was surrounded by her tight warm pussy walls and even though this was not how I wanted things to go I couldn't help but feel happiness, love, and joy. All at once.

She hadn't moved. I looked up at her and her eyes were shut tight and her face all contorted.

"_Bella, are you okay?" I asked suddenly very worried._

_She held up a finger. "Give me a second." She gasped._

I tried to pull out. I didn't want her in pain but she pushed me back down to the bed and started to lift herself up and bring herself back down again. Oh god the movement was even better. All of this was by far better than I could have ever imagined.

_"Edward, suck on my nipples again." She demanded so I obliged._

She pushed her breasts in my face and I latched on. I could see how pleasurable this was for her but I wasn't going to last long.

_"Oh yes. Oh yes." Bella chanted. "Oh god yes."_

I felt the same way. Like the crazed hormonal teenager I was I couldn't help myself anymore and I grabbed her hips and started to thrust into her deeper and harder. I could feel my balls tightening preparing and finally….nirvana.

I can't imagine how embarrassing I must have sounded when I finally came. I envision pigeons out on our widow seal flying off for fear of the noise I made.

A few moments after I filled Bella. She lifted herself off and laid down by my side. I hadn't even known if she got off. My mind had gone bye-bye for the moment and I couldn't even think of anything.

_"Bella."_ I finally managed to shake her a little when I came down from my high. I wanted to check on her but all I got from her were light snores.

"God, I was a selfish prick back then. The woman I loved and I hadn't even checked on her."

"Edward, teenagers are often unable to control their emotions which can cause them to be somewhat self-centered." Dr. Harper tried to console.

"Still; I shouldn't have treated her like that. She deserved better." I growled.

My phone was suddenly vibrating in my upper jacket pocket. I pulled it out and looked at who was calling. I would have denied the caller but it was Jenks.

"I need to take this." I looked back to Dr. Harper. I knew she hated when people would take calls during their sessions but this was an emergency.

"Go." I barked into my phone.

Jenks breathed out a sigh which was starting to piss me off. Just out with it already!

"Mr. Cullen. I haven't had much luck on locating the Swan girl." He started.

"Then why are you calling me." I hissed.

"Well, I was trying to do some digging to try to see if I could find some clue as to where she might have gone to and I went to the hospital today and bribed a guy in records. Isabella Swan has been in and out of the hospital fourteen times in past nine years. Everything from skull fractures to dislocated body parts…I don't like the way her files read."

Bella had always been clumsy. That was the only explanation. I mean what other explanation could there be.

I turned to Dr. Harper. "Doctor I'm going to have to reschedule. Something's come up."

I was worried. I needed to get to the bottom of this. This had to be from Bella's clumsiness. I swear to god if someone did something to her; I would crush them.

I sped off toward my office. It was already late in the day. As I walked across the white marble floors toward my office; I had one mission as soon as I passed through my double doors. I might have said a brief hello to my assistants before entering my office; I don't know and I couldn't care less.

I hadn't even manage to get around to my desk and pick up my phone before Alice started up.

"So, as per our agreement I have hired a wonderful new girl to help assist me. Her name is Be…"

"Alice, get the hell out." I barked. I didn't have time for any of her nonsense.

I didn't even look up but I heard the door close and I knew she was gone.

"Well this is a nice surprise. How are you, son." My father was always so patient; me not so much.

"Dad, I don't have time. Look I need your help with something. There was a patient at your hospital recently who came in over a half a dozen times. I need to know if anyone suspected abuse; what the protocol is."

"Well Edward…uh it depends if the injuries are minor enough the doctors and nurses would just ask a few questions and if the patients answers seemed valid the they would drop the issue." He replied.

"But what if the... gir….patient lied? I mean they would have to become curious if the person was in a few times over the years. Right?"

"If there are children involved then the staff…"

"There's no children." I cut him off.

"Edward, what is this about?" My dad finally asked. "I can sense that you're stressed."

"There was this girl I used to know and I found out recently that she had been to the hospital a few times over the past couple of years. I just want to check up on her and make sure this has nothing to do with anything more than her usual clumsiness."

I could hear my dad sigh. "Is this about Isabella Swan?"

I hadn't told my parents a lot about Bella even when we were friends. Back then I was very selfish with the time I spent with her and they only knew the name in passing. However after she broke my heart they knew that it must have been more serious than I had led on since I was practically catatonic the days after the last time I ever saw her.

My dad finally threatened to send me off to be observed by the mental health staff at his hospital if I didn't snap out of it. I did snap out of it. The only thing that kept my mind going was sticking to the plan. I would go to Dartmouth and somehow I would find my way and become successful. I had adolescent visions of me riding back into Forks with my millions. Bella would see what I had become and finally give me that chance but as college passed I realized how stupid my plan was.

Then I finally found out that she had met someone and they were engaged.

"Dad, I need to know."

"Edward, that information is confidential. I can't help you unless I have some form of authorization from her to look at her files. I'm not sure how you were able to find out what you did but I think you need to stop all this and if she means that much to you then go and see her in person."

"That's just it. She's missing. She ran away. She could be ten feet away or a million. There is no way for me to even begin to try and find her. I worried that she's in some kind of trouble and even using all my resources hasn't helped."

"I'm sorry, son. I truly believe that if it is meant to be then it will be."

"A lot of damn good that does me." I growled.

"Edward." The word alone wouldn't have stopped me but it was the way my dad could say my name that had me instantly feel like I was ten years old again and it was a warning.

"I gotta go dad. Sorry. I have a lot of work."

"Call your mother sometime. She misses you; you know." He replied.

"Fine." I dismissed.

And now I was back to square one. I needed to come up with a better game plan because the one I was operating on now wasn't working.

I sat in my office the rest of the day trying to go over different options I had available to me. Jenks had managed to take pictures of Bella's files and planned on uploading them later this evening and sending them over to me. Maybe then I could come to some conclusion on my own.

I was an inch away from jumping on a plane and going to the source myself to find out what happened to Bella. If nothing panned out by tomorrow evening then I would be firing up the jet to take me to meet this Jacob, personally.

My computer dinged to let me know that I had a new email and it was the one I had been waiting for. I opened the file Jenks sent me and started looking over the pictures.

Dislocated arm. Patient states to have dislocated it from falling out of a tree.

That was very possible. Our old tree house up in the tree at Bella's old house had given me worry many times. I always watched Bella as she went up and came down and there was several instances where I helped break her fall.

Linear skull fracture. Patient states to have slipped on the pavement.

This was Bella. She always slipped. Sometime I didn't know how she managed to slip.

Second degree burns on hands. Patient states to have picked up a hot pan.

I couldn't continue reading. I could make up excuses for what I read but the more I read it made me start to wonder; what if these hospital visits weren't the result of Bella's clumsiness. I would be overlooking the underlying reason just to make myself feel better.

I didn't want to go home. I had built that house with Bella in mind and even though she had never stepped foot in it; everywhere I looked I had the constant reminder smack dab in the center of my house. I don't know what I was thinking when I designed it. A stupid little part of me hoping that one day we would reconnect and I could show it to her.

_"Edward."_ She whined my name. Bella knew I hated when she would use that whiny voice.

_"How much longer." She complained._

_"Not far. Geez, woman." I huffed._

I knew this was a bad idea. Taking Bella deep into the woods just had disaster written all over it. But when my dad and I went hiking the last week and found this place; I knew that I needed to show her.

_"Mmm bop, ba duba dopBa du bop, ba duba dop." Bella started to sing loudly._

_"Bella, what did I say about Hanson?" I warned._

She immediately stopped walking and closed her mouth with a cute a little mischievous grin.

_"What did I say?" I pressed._

_"That if I ever sing Hanson in your presence again… you would feed me to a bear." She bit her lip._

_"Now is not the time to test me while we walk around the woods that I know fairly well and you don't." _

We continued onward and just as we were about to reach our destination I heard Bella behind me scream out as took a real nasty tumble.

I kneeled down beside her as she clutched her knee. It was pretty bloody and I could see that her eyes were swimming with tears.

_"Let me see." I ordered softly trying to get a good look at her leg._

_"It hurts." She gasped._

It was rather dark where we were in the woods. The trees blocked out the sun fairly well and it made for a real struggle to assess her properly. Finally I picked her up and carried her over to the flowered meadow I had discovered with my father. With the break in the trees the sun shined down like a spotlight highlighting this one small perfect area.

I set her down in a patch of flowers and started to look at her leg again. It was pretty bad. She looked to have sliced it on some rocks. We didn't have much with us; just a sack lunch.

_"Dammit." I growled out frustrated. "I knew I should have taken a first aid kit."_

_"I'm sorry." Bella whispered._

I looked back to her and all my anger faded away as I saw how upset she looked.

_"It's not your fault." I stood up and pulled off my pull over._

_"Yes, it is. It's always my fault." She replied sadly._

I had a white t-shirt underneath and pulled that off. I could at least wrap it with this. I was a tad embarrassed for Bella to see me half naked and when I caught her looking at me I scrambled to get my over shirt back on.

I started to shred the shirt into strips. The advantages to having a doctor for a father.

I heard Bella gasp as I started to wrap her leg.

_"I barely touched you." I complained looking back to her._

Bella didn't gasp because of me. She had finally taken notice of her surroundings and had a look of awe on her face.

_"This….is…amazing." she marveled._

_"I know. That's why I wanted to show you it." I replied with a small grin._

I was relieved that she felt that way. It would have hurt if she didn't see the beauty in this place the way I saw it. The woods all around us looked dark but in this small patch of light; it seemed hundreds of flowers had blossomed.

She continued to look around as I worked on patching up her leg. It had taken us two hours to hike there and now it was looking that we might take longer heading back but it was all worth it. Bella and I would return to that place a couple of times a month. It was our little place where no one could touch us.

I woke from the best dream I had in days. I was lying on my couch in my office with my suit coat resting over me and a bottle of scotch beside me. Slowly I got up and walked to my private bathroom. Not exactly the most comfortable sleep but it was the best I had in days.

After washing my face and changing my clothes I walked back over to sit back down at my desk. Bella's medical files still on display. I closed them just as Alice buzzed through.

"Good morning. Can I please see you now?" she asked in that annoyed little voice.

"What is it?" I replied short.

"Mr. Cullen. I would like to take a small moment of your time to introduce you to your new employee."

"Fine. Send her in." I huffed.

Maybe if I agree she would get off my back and leave me in peace.

* * *

**AN: **A few people have asked why she doesn't recognize Edward's last name. When they were growing up he went by Edward Masen which is why she always calls him Masen and now as an adult he goes by Cullen. Edward will explain it soon.

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I have to go to a scary doctors appointment and I wanted to post this now so maybe the reviews could make me feel better while I wait.


	6. Chapter 6

**BPOV**

**CHAPTER SIX**

"You have got to tell me all about your first day. How was it?" Rosalie was all over me the moment we had returned from Cullen International.

"It was nice. I mean…I liked the work, wasn't hard." I replied.

"She was excellent. You wouldn't believe how much she got through in just a couple of hours work." Alice praised.

"Well, I asked Jasper to come over. I was hoping you could stay for dinner and help celebrate Bella's new job." Rosalie told Alice.

"We would love to. Is Emmett planning on joining us?" Alice said suggestively and you could see Rosalie's face turn red.

"Maybe." She said out of the side of her mouth.

"Ooooo this is getting serious." Alice sang.

I had no idea what they were talking about so I just continued on with helping to set the tables. There were four round tables in the kitchen and dining areas that could seat five people per table. I had seen woman off during my stay; each one would come into the kitchen and place their name on a chalkboard. Rosalie said that people would sign up for meals. If you decided to go else ware for a meal then you need not sign your name. It helped her out so she could know how many people to make food for.

It was also expected of you to help with clean up or set up if you ate that day.

"Emmett agreed to come over and cook hamburgers on the grill. Maybe Jasper could help him out." Rosalie wondered.

"Of course he can. Do you want me to make my mac and cheese?" Alice asked.

"Sure. If you wouldn't mind." Rosalie came over to me and gave me a stack of plates.

"Emmett's my boyfriend and I try not to bring him around here because sometimes the women here can't handle having a male in the house. Some ladies have been hurt so bad that just being around a man can cause them stress. But tonight is Wednesday and most of the ladies here that might have those issues will be gone to their group therapy session. Will having Emmett and Jasper here bother you?"

I furrowed my brow and looked back at her. "No."

"Good. Just let me know if anything or any situation becomes uncomfortable. I never want to make you feel uncomfortable."

I didn't understand why she would think that I would be uncomfortable around these guys.

"So, did you meet Cullen?" Rosalie cringed.

"No. He seemed…busy." I tried to find a polite way of saying it.

"He was in some kind of mood today." Alice explained.

"He's in some kind of mood, every day." Rosalie laughed.

"Tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow." Alice winked at me.

"Hi ho, ladies." A loud booming voice came through the back door and that loud booming voice belonged to a rather large man. Rosalie dropped the napkins down on the table where she was at and ran to jump into his large arms. This must be Emmett.

He was dressed in a police uniform and for a second I forgot myself and I dropped a plate to the ground. It smashed into pieces; causing everyone to jump a little from the sound.

"I…I…I'm so sorry." I backed out of the room and ran upstairs toward the bathroom.

What was wrong with me? I had seen police officers before and it never made me feel this way. In fact I was surrounded by them all the time back at home. I could feel myself become clammy and I couldn't help but notice that my hands were shaking. I stared into the mirror trying to calm myself.

Jacob in his uniform flashed through my mind as he taunted me in front of his fellow cop buddies.

_"That's right. You just gotta keep your bitch in line." Jacob smacked me on the ass as I passed by him; serving up beers to his friends. "Isn't that right, Nothing." He said to me._

_"Yes, Jacob." I replied dutifully._

_"Yes, WHAT?" he yelled._

Shit.

_"Yes, sir." I corrected._

_"That's right. You respect authority." _He pointed a finger in my face with a promise in his eyes for later.

I finished handing out the beers and left to go and start on some appetizers. I could hear them all laugh out in our tiny living room. Jacob came up just as I had their nacho's all ready.

_"Do not disrespect me. Especially in front on my friends." Jacob gritted his teeth._

He pulled me over to the stove and took my hand and placed it on the boiling pot. I tried not to scream but I couldn't help it. When he let go; I dropped to the ground cradling my hand.

_"Dumbass." Jacob huffed under his breath._

I sat in the corner and I guess his friends must have come in to see what the screaming was for.

_"God dammit, Jacob. You know you'll have to take her to the hospital now. You can't fuck her up that badly; fucktard." Jarred his best friend said._

_"She'll be fine. Won't you?" He looked down at me and I quickly nodded my head. _

_"I'm telling you man; you don't get that taken care of and it will just be worse." Jarred pressed._

_"Fuck. Great. Just what I wanted to do on my fucking night off." Jacob yelled. "Get up."_

I scrambled to my feet which was difficult since my one hand couldn't touch anything. I focused on my breathing as my hand throbbed and burned.

We went to the hospital that night and I was asked the usual questions. How did this happen? Explain to me the whole scenario. Only a couple of times throughout the years did I get; are you sure there isn't some other reason for your injury? We have counselors here who can help.

I didn't want help because I deserved it.

"Bella." A soft knock broke me out of my memory. "Is everything okay?"

It was Rosalie. I felt bad for causing her stress. Especially after all she had done.

"Uh…yes. I just need a minute." My voice trembled.

"Well, if you need anything; please ask." She sounded desperate.

"Okay." I whispered.

I knew that I deserved what treatment I received from Jacob. It was the cosmos way of punishing me for killing something so pure. The thing that worried me however was knowing that the guys who were friends with Jacob quite possibly treated their wives and girlfriends the same way. They didn't deserve this.

My dad was always a good and honest man. He wore his uniform with pride and respect but these cops were dirty and it made me fear men with badges now.

I didn't know Emmett. I didn't know what kind of cop he was but I think I was worried most that somehow he would get back to Jacob where I was. Jacob had told me plenty of times throughout the years that there was never any place I could run to that didn't have police officers and being a police officer there was a special brotherhood. A code. No matter where I went; he could track me using his band of brothers.

What was I going to do knowing that Emmett was downstairs right this minute and if he started asking questions I could be leaving my new life by tomorrow? Were those just idle threats in the past? Would Jacob really care about me that much to want to try to find me? I certainly hope not.

I tip toed all the way down the stairs and grabbed my bag that sat beside the couch. I pulled the remaining thirty dollars I had left and placed it on my blankets. Some form of offering for the resources used on me during my stay.

I felt horrible for leaving this way but it was the only way. I practically held my breath as I tried to exit the house. I closed the door behind me softly and breathed out a sign of relief as I turned to walk down the steps.

I nearly jumped a mile in the air as I saw a man standing there watching me.

"Hi. I'm Jasper." He walked forward and held out a hand to me. This must be Rosalie's step brother.

"Bella." I whispered softly shaking his hand. "I was just leaving."

I walked past him and managed to make it down the stairs before he called out to me.

"Bella, aren't you my wife's new assistant. She told me all about you."

I nodded my head slowly.

"Where are you going? I thought we were having dinner to celebrate your new job." He asked.

"Uh…I can't stay. Please tell your wife thank you for me. I'm sorry." I turned to walk away but he stopped me again.

"Is there something wrong? Whatever it is I'm sure we can help you. My sister is really good at helping woman out who are in situations." Jasper assured.

"I know. She's wonderful but I can't stay here." I looked down.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Um…" I looked toward the house. "I really gotta get going." I said slightly more panicked.

"Bella, whatever it is. We can help. Running away won't solve any problems. It will just create problems." Jasper slowly walked toward me.

"You don't understand." I started to break. "I don't want to go back to my old life."

"Then you don't have to. You have a new job and people who care about you." Jasper replied.

"But…I…" My resolve was waning so I closed my eyes and Jacob flashed through my mind. "I have to go before they hear me. Please tell them I'm sorry and thank them for me." I walk away a little more quickly.

"Bella. What happened?" Jasper easily caught up with me. He wouldn't give up. "Something must have happened. Alice called me about how happy you had been at work. What changed? Was it Edward Cullen? I know he can be a bit of a prick."

"What? No. I didn't even meet Edward Cullen." I dismissed trying to up my pace.

"Then what?" he pushed.

"I can't tell you." I lashed out at him. "I'm sorry."

"Did Alice upset you? She can be a little overwhelming sometimes." Jasper continued on.

"Alice is a dear. Of course she didn't upset me. No one upset me. I just can't stay here." I fumbled my words getting louder and louder.

"Why?" He practically yelled.

"I just can't." I yelled back.

"Tell me why and I'll leave you alone."

"Because there's a cop at the house." I finally lost it and couldn't help the words tumble out of my mouth.

Jasper furrowed his brow. "Emmett?" he asked.

"Now will you please go?" I asked with tears swimming in my eyes.

"Emmett, won't hurt you. Trust me. After what my sister went through with her first husband she would never pick a man who would hurt her again."

"Well, good for her. I'm happy to hear that." I continued back to walking. I had no idea where I was even going for all I knew I was just walking in circles.

"Let me call the house and ask him to leave. He won't mind. He's used to women being skittish around him." Jasper said pulling out his phone.

"No. Please don't. He can't know I was there." Forgetting myself I pulled the phone out of his hands.

"Are you in some kind of…legal trouble?" he inquired.

"No…I…no…"

He looked at me like he was trying to read me.

"My ex was a cop and he told me that all cops have this code…I can't go back to him…please just leave me be." I begged.

I started trembling again; Jasper cautiously pulled me to him.

"No one will hurt you. Rosalie has had to deal with crazy ex's before and I promise you; we've never lost. Let me just take you back to the house and she can tell you that you have nothing to fear. I will call Alice and ask for Emmett to leave until you feel comfortable with him. Emmett isn't a bad guy; he won't give you up to your ex."

I tried to stifle my sniffles. Jasper's phone started ringing and I could see from the screen that it was Alice.

"Hey." He answered calmly.

I could hear Alice's high-pitched voice on the other side of the phone.

"It's okay. I'm with Bella. Please calm down, honey. We just went for a walk. We are coming back right now. Can you do me a favor and ask Rosalie if she wouldn't mind asking Emmett to come back some other time."

I cringed just hearing the words come out of his mouth. Rosalie and Alice had been so nice to me and now I was inconveniencing them.

Jasper hung up with Alice and he continued to walk back to the house with me; keeping a secured arm around me.

When we arrived back at the house; Rosalie and Alice were sitting on the couch and stood up as we walked through the door.

"God Bella, why did you leave? I told you I would have asked Emmett to leave if he bothered you." Rosalie asked.

"I'm sorry." I couldn't look at either of them. I was too ashamed.

"Ladies, Bella's ex was a police officer. She was worried about that." Jasper explained calmly. "I explained to Bella that Emmett is a good guy and he will not bring harm to Bella but just for the time being maybe until Bella feels more comfortable with all of us then we can reevaluate bringing Emmett back into the picture."

"Of course. Like I said; whatever will make you at ease. I started this home to help give women in our situation a place to come and use as a safe haven. I never want any woman here to feel unsafe in any manner. Please don't leave next time before coming and at least talking with me first. You are in a fragile state and sometimes our minds don't work well when we are in that state of mind. I have been where you have been. I can help you." Rosalie assured.

"I'm sorry." Again that was all I could offer.

"There's nothing to apologize for." Rosalie paused. "Maybe you can attend our meeting tomorrow evening. The ladies of the house come and share their stories; it can be very therapeutic hearing other women talk about their struggles and triumphs. It gives us hope."

"Okay." I replied. I wasn't sure how this would help me but I felt like I owed her to at least attend one meeting.

"All right. Well dinner is ready." Rosalie stood up stiffly and walked over and handed me back my wad of cash before walking back toward the kitchen. Alice followed her and Jasper waited to follow me probably unsure if I would try to run away again.

I walked into the kitchen and I could see a woman with two young kids sitting in the corner. I recognized the kids from the ones who woke me up this morning.

"Angela, Whitney, Brandon. I want to introduce you to our new guest; this is Bella." Rosalie led me over to their table.

The children were young probably only four and five. Angela looked to be in pretty good shape but I imagine if I had to chase around two rambunctious kids I might be in good shape too.

"Hello Bella. Pleased to meet you." Angela smiled.

"Hello. Nice to meet you too." I replied softly.

"Bella, has agreed to attend our session tomorrow evening." Rosalie continued.

"Great. Oh and if you like; I teach a self-dense class here on Saturday's and Tuesday's." Angela offered.

"Uh…thanks." Maybe that's why she was so buff. I didn't think that any physical classes would be good for me. I probably would end up hurting someone.

My celebration dinner had turned rather depressing quickly. We all sat around the table no one really saying much. That's what I was always good for; sucking the happiness from any room I went to.

"Bella, Linda moved out today so if you wouldn't mind moving to the upstairs room on the far right, at least you won't have to sleep on a couch." Rosalie stated after a few minutes into our quiet meal.

"Whatever is convenient for you." I replied.

"I will be by to pick you up at eight-thirty tomorrow morning, okay?" Alice offered.

"I could take a bus; I don't want to put you out any more than I already have." I said.

"You're not putting me out. Tomorrow morning; eight-thirty." Alice reiterated.

"So…Bella; what was your favorite part of the office at your new job?" Jasper tried to get a different conversation going.

I put down my hamburger after thinking about it for a minute.

"The wood." I replied.

"The wood?" Jasper asked.

"The walls are covered in this rich deep wood. It reminds me of my school days when I was living in upstate Washington."

"Oh well; that's nice. A lot of fond memories from that time in your life?" Jasper asked.

"Some." I responded. "Some of the best days of my life and some of the worst."

"What did your parents do up in Washington?" Alice asked.

"Well, my mom left my dad and I when I was seven. My dad was heartbroken and so he decided we should leave Arizona and we went to Oregon but he had a difficult time finding a job there so when he finally he got offered a sheriff position up in Washington, we moved up there."

"Your dad was an officer?" Rosalie furrowed her brow.

"Yeah…which is why he and my ex got along really well. My ex wanted to be a sheriff so my dad helped him get a position in the department. I was in my first year at community college; when my dad was shot in the back. My ex took me in after that."

It felt weird to talk about myself. I had little to no contact with people since I moved in with Jacob. Being a social outcast before high school; there weren't any friends banging down my door to hang out with me. The only friend I had; I broke.

We finished up with dinner and I helped with cleaning up. Rose showed me to me new room. It was tiny; not bigger then a broom closet but I didn't care. All I needed was a place to lay my head.

I placed the dress that Alice had bought me on the back of the door so it wouldn't wrinkle. I climbed into bed after setting the clock on the bedside table to ensure that I woke up in plenty of time for Alice's arrival in the morning.

I laid in bed thinking about the day's events and thankfully passed out before I could think on them too much. My alarm the next morning practically scared me straight from a dream but I quickly turned it off because I didn't want to wake anyone else with that racket.

I felt a little more confident today then I was yesterday. Somehow having this job gave me purpose, self-respect and hope. I practically bounded down the steps when Alice arrived early that morning. After what had happened last night I decided to place my faith in my new friends and hope for the best.

"You're mighty perky this morning." Alice noted.

"Yeah; I feel good. I think that I really just needed a good night's sleep." I replied.

"Come on. We can grab breakfast at work." Alice said.

We were off in her little red car and I allowed myself to indulge in every good feeling. We arrived at the office and Jessica hadn't made it in yet.

"Oh good; she's not here. I think this would be an excellent time to relocate Jessica; you can take this desk now." Alice walked over to her desk and started to look around at Jessica's desk. She picked up a couple of things and placed them on the smaller table against the wall in the corner.

"Uh…Alice. Don't you think that Jessica will be mad?" I asked uneasy.

"I don't care." She said flat out.

Just as Alice had the last little amount; Jessica walked in.

"What are you doing with my things?" She shrieked running over.

"Oh well I set you all up over here. Now you have an entire corner to yourself." Alice said it like Jessica should be impressed.

"I don't want an entire corner to myself. I need a desk. This table doesn't even have a computer. Why should she get my desk?" Jessica gave me look that made me want to check my pulse; just in case.

"Well, Bella is the first assistant and she will be needing a larger area as well as a computer to be able to fulfill her first assistant duties. You are the second assistant and since your job mostly requires you to spend time in the copy room then you don't need all this." Alice gestured to the desk that was being battled about.

"I am going to report you. I am going to tell Mr. Cullen about this." Jessica fumed and went over to her corner and flopped down crossing her arms in anger. Alice walked back over to me.

"Alice, it's really not a big deal. I don't need a desk. I can sit in the corner." People like Jessica scared me. She reminded me of the girls that used to bully me in high school.

"Nonsense. You are far more valuable to the company then she is. You will have more tasks and are in need of the proper tools. Don't argue with me."

She walked around to her desk and sat down. Awkwardly I did the same to my new desk.

"Brian sent me an email this morning. He's the head of security. He gives me a heads up on when Edward arrives and leaves for the day. He said that Edward never went home last night. That's odd. Well; I guess I should call him up and see if we can get this day started."

Alice hit the two-way intercom button and buzzed through to Mr. Cullen's office.

"Good morning. Can I please see you now?" Alice said in her sweetest voice.

"What is it?" he growled and I practically wanted to duck and cover. Man he did not sound pleasant.

"Mr. Cullen. I would like to take a small moment of your time to introduce you to your new employee."

Oh god. I didn't want to meet him when he was all…pissy. I could feel my hands instantly start to sweat.

"Fine. Send her in." He barked.

Alice hit a button on her phone to end the conversation. She waved me over. I had a stack of files in my arms and I self-consciously pulled them closer to my chest.

"Alice, I don't think this is a good time. Maybe we should wait for him to be in a better mood." I suggested.

"He is hardly ever in a better mood. Come on, like I told you his bark is worse than his bite. You'll be fine." She dismissed.

Alice walked over to the grand double doors and pulled one open. I followed on after her entering this vast office. The tall windows overlooked the city below. The marble continued on as well as the deep wooden paneling on the walls. Mr. Cullen's desk was prominent in the center of the room. The desk looked to be big enough to fit three working individuals and not just the one behind it currently. I couldn't see much of Mr. Cullen as his computer screen took up a large portion of his face.

We walked a little forward and stood in the center of the room waiting to be acknowledged. I could see the side of Mr. Cullen's face. It looked familiar. But, it couldn't be.

Unknowingly, I took a small step forward. My eyes craning to get a good look. The last time I saw Edward Masen; he was a scrawny, lanky teenager with his wired framed glasses. The man before me looked different but strangely the same. He had large broad shoulders. His face was filled out as well as his chest from what I could see. No glasses but that hair…

"Bella." Alice hissed.

Mr. Cullen's eyes flashed up to mine and…

No words.

Oh my god.

This can't be happening.

He looked at me like he was seeing a ghost.

"Bella?" he whispered.

That snapped me out of it and I dropped the files that were in my hands and ran. I couldn't stay here. I needed to get as far away from Edward…whatever the fuck his name was, as possible.

* * *

**AN: **I almost forgot it was update day. Hope you like and thank you for reviewing. I know this story is different from Working Title and I thank you guys for giving it a shot.


	7. Chapter 7

**EPOV**

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

I started tapping away at my computer to send an email back to Jenks. I could hear Alice enter and walk forward. They would have to wait a minute.

"Bella." Alice hissed.

My eyes snapped up and it was like a ghost floating toward me. Maybe I had too much scotch last night. She was here. In my office. Bella was here in my office. Our eyes locked with one another and I'm sure both of our faces showed equal amounts of shock.

"Bella?" I whispered.

Bella dropped whatever she was holding and suddenly turned and fled from the room. That snapped me out of it and I began to run after her like some kind of maniac shouting her name.

I tore out of my office doors surprised that I hadn't ripped them from the hinges and kept on after her. She didn't try for the elevator; she went straight for the stairwell. She had a bit of a head start on me but I was no longer my former un-athletic self.

"Bella. STOP!" I yelled at her but she continued to keep running down the stair well. Round and around we went. I was only one flight of stairs away when she looked back for just a second, missed the step and went flying into the concrete wall.

For a second I will admit I was a tad relieved. Fourteen hospital visits in nine years. This was my Bella. I kept moving to get to her as she slid down the concrete wall like a bug that just flew into a windshield.

"Bella. God, why didn't you stop?" I asked harshly.

She held onto her wrist which she used to stop her face from hitting the wall. I pulled her hand to me to examine it for myself while she sat there crying.

"Owww." She complained when I turned her wrist slightly.

"This never would have happened if you would have just stopped." I looked up to her face and it was in that moment I could see how drastically she had changed over the years. She looked like…death. Her eyes looked hollow. She looked frail almost as if that concrete wall should have killed her on impact. If possible she looked thinner then when I last saw her.

"What happened to you?" I didn't even think of the words as they left my mouth.

She looked immediately offended. "What the hell happened to you? Mr. Cullen." She said my named sarcastically, "Who the fuck is Edward Cullen?" She snapped.

"Cullen is my father's name. When I was in school I wanted to go by my mother's maiden name because my father was somewhat prominent in the area and I didn't want that attention."

Bella tried to pick herself up and like old times I went right into my role and helped her.

She breathed out and said, "Well…it's uh…been nice but I probably should be going."

"Are you out of your fucking mind? I haven't seen you in almost ten years; you're not going anywhere until we talk."

I just got her back; I'll be damned if I let her go.

"What would you and I have to talk about?" she asked.

"Bella…a lot." Was all I could think to say. "Besides you need to clean up. You scrapped those knees pretty bad and I could bandage up your wrist at least." I took ahold of her good hand and pulled her along out the stairwell door and decided to take the elevator back up. She had made it down three flights before I could reach her.

She didn't say anything as we rode up in the elevator. It felt surreal standing here next to my best friend, in the building I made. The elevator door pinged and opened for us.

Alice was at her desk on her cell phone and stood up the moment she saw us. She looked between us in shock.

"Mr. Cullen, I have a problem I need to discuss with you." Jessica with her irritating voice stepped in our path.

"No not, Jessica." I snapped and she recoiled. "Alice, hold my calls. We are not to be bothered."

I pulled Bella through my office doors and led her to the couch. "Sit there." I ordered.

She complied and took a seat. I went to my bathroom keeping an ear out; I doubt she would try to run but if she did I would stop her once more. I came back from the bathroom and saw her staring at the wall where my diplomas hung.

"You did it." She whispered. "You made it to Dartmouth."

"Yeah. I stuck to the plan." I retorted.

"Ugh, god would you shut up about that stupid plan. I didn't care where you went to college as long as you went. You could have gone to Harvard or if you truly wanted Stanford." She yelled.

"It wasn't a stupid plan; you just didn't have faith. All I ever wanted was to help make your dream come true but you left; so yeah I continued on and I became successful and rich and powerful and a lot of fucking good that did me since I lost the only thing I ever wanted."

I opened the alcohol and poured some on the cotton swab. I put my focus into cleaning her cuts as we both sat there and fumed.

"Why did you leave? I want the truth. I think that is the least you could give me." I said.

She sat there staring at my degrees. "Because I wanted this for you." She tried to control her tears. I could see them brimming. "I knew you could be successful and rich and powerful. I wanted that for you. Being friends with me…or whatever; it would have kept you from greatness and you deserved the opportunity to be great."

"Bella, I could have been great. What I am right now isn't that. You think that having all this makes me a great person. You're wrong." I paused. "I could have done everything I did with you by my side. I could have become something far better if you wouldn't have given up on me."

I continued to swab the skinned part of her knees. The cute little black dress pulled back just enough caused me flashbacks of those legs, once upon a time.

"So….architecture, huh? Just like the Oreos." she said after a moment breaking me from my silly childhood fantasies.

I had forgot about the Oreos.

"What did you think I was going to be?" I wondered.

"I'm not sure. A lawyer, maybe. You always did like to debate the shit out of things."

I smiled thinking back to those days.

"A lawyer? I thought you would at least want me to retain my soul." I teased.

"Maybe…some kind of politician. You always did excel at government."

"That's two things without a soul. Good to know that's what you wanted for me."

"I just didn't want to ruin your life." She snapped.

"Bella, you did." I looked back to her. "You think that I'm happy? You think that leaving me in the parking lot was really the best thing for me?"

She looked away and down at the couch.

"I did what I had to." She whispered.

"No. You did what you think you had to." I argued. "If you would have just given me a chance; I could have helped you. I would have done anything to help make it right. I'm an asshole because I took advantage of my friend when she was drunk. That's something that I have had to live with every single day of my life. I go back to that night all the time and I just keep thinking that if I hadn't given in then maybe we would have stayed friends. I fucked this up and it pisses me off." I yelled and violently threw the bottle of alcohol at the wall. It smashed into pieces.

Bella immediately covered her head like it was going to hit her. She started shaking and breathing harshly.

"Bella." I said softly reaching out to touch her lightly. She pulled back and looked up to me with fear in her eyes. "I'm sorry."

She kept looking around like she was trying to find an escape route.

"Bella, I'm sorry." I said once more and I slowly tried to sit down next to her. I managed to pull her to me. What was she scared of? I have never nor would I ever hurt her.

Fourteen hospital visits popped back up into my head. Oh god.

"Bella, I need to ask you something." Her shaking had slowed a little and her breathing was returning to normal.

"What happened? Why did you visit the hospital so often over the past nine years?"

She pulled back to look at me, "How did you know about that?"

"I…" I didn't know what to tell her.

"Edward, how did you know that about me?" She asked more forcefully.

"I…" Nope. Still nothing.

"Tell me." She demanded.

"I had someone look in on you." I snapped.

"Why would you do that?" she snapped back at me.

"Because I wanted to make sure you were okay. When you went missing a couple of days ago; I had one of my sources look into your past."

"How did you know I went missing? I didn't go missing. I just decided to leave."

"Bella, every couple of years I had someone check up on you. I had heard you were engaged which is why I left you alone. If you were happy; I didn't want to ruin that. But then when it came back that you left your fiancé a couple of days ago, I started to try to find you. I was worried about you. The hospital thing…it has me worried. I need to know. Did…did Jacob cause that?"

She looked at me searching for an answer.

"No. I'm…just…you know me." She tried to play it off but I had my answer and I would kill Jacob.

She knew that I saw through her lie. She had been just about as bad at lying as I was sometimes and she could read me well.

"Edward, its…nothing. Please…." She begged. "I…just want to forget about that life."

"Nothing?" I spit.

Man I wanted to fuck something up. Or someone.

"Please. I finally have a life…well somewhat. The past couple of days have been wonderful. I don't want to go back there. I just want to stay here. I have…friends…and a job…well I'm not sure about the job part anymore but please don't do anything. He can't know I'm here. God, please." She was getting hysterical.

"Bella, calm down. Stop it." I wasn't going to promise her that I wouldn't do something but I didn't want her having a panic attack. Just seeing what he had made her into, this frightened, trembling mess; it made me want to jump on my jet and make things right but I couldn't do that right now. She was far too fragile.

I held her to me until I could calm her down once more.

"Where have you been staying?" I asked.

"Um…a motel." She lied. Once again.

"Stop it. Just stop with the lying. I think I've had my share of it from you to last a lifetime."

"I have been staying with friends." She said softly. Still a lie but I would let it pass.

"Well, you can come stay with me now."

"Edward, I don't know if that's the best idea. I mean we haven't even seen each other for almost a decade. Besides I need to start looking for another job."

"Don't fancy working for me?" I lightly joked.

"I don't think it's appropriate. I imagine this could be the straw that broke Jessica's back out there."

"Screw her." I said. "Bella, if you aren't going to take me up on the offer to stay with me, would you at least consider keeping the job. Please. I…it's just been so long. Would you at least consider being my friend again?"

"I…never…wanted to stop being your friend but it…" she started.

"I know. It's what you thought was best for me but we can get into a much longer debate on that later. There are still things you and I need to talk about. But, I promise to release you from that discussion for now if you promise to come back tomorrow. I really want to show you what I have accomplished. I want to show you everything."

She smiled a little. "Okay. I will come back tomorrow but if I feel this isn't working out then…"

"Got it." I agreed. "Let me take you to lunch." I jumped up from the couch. Suddenly I felt like a teenager again and Los Angeles was my playground. I wanted to show Bella everything that this great city had to offer.

"Uh…I ripped my dress and I don't have anything else I could go out in." She looked down at her dress and I hadn't even noticed that she did in fact rip the side of her dress. Not enough were you could see anything but enough where you couldn't go into a restaurant like that.

"We can stop by a store. Or if you want I will send Alice out to buy you another."

"No. That's not right." She said.

Then I got a brilliant idea in my head.

"I've got it. Come." I held out my hand to her and she handed me the good hand. Crap. I had forgotten.

"Sit back down. Let me wrap that wrist first." I pulled up a chair and sat in front of her. I started to wrap up her wrist.

"So…why did you pick Los Angeles? Were…you sticking to the plan?" I couldn't help but tease her a little.

"Actually I was trying to go to Arizona but when I got to the bus depot in Port Angeles; they told me that there wouldn't be a bus leaving for another couple of hours. I needed to leave quickly so I literally took the first bus out and it just happened to be coming here."

"Well, I would just like to point out that fate stuck to the plan." I said slightly arrogant.

"Shut up, Masen." She said it just like she used to always say it.

"I mean…Cullen." She cringed a little, "I don't know if it has the same ring to it."

"Well, you can still call me Masen, if it makes you feel better." I said finishing up her bandage.

"I think I'm supposed to call you Mr. Cullen; that is until you get to know me better. According to Alice." She smiled slyly.

Hearing her call me Mr. Cullen made my body react in embarrassing ways.

"I think we can bypass the Mr. Cullen thing." I stood up and walked back over to my bathroom for the purpose of putting the first aid tools away but more to calm myself and readjust some things.

After all these years I still turned into a horny teenage boy when I was around her.

"Okay. I'm ready. Come on." I gestured for her to leave with me.

"Edward, I really can't go to some restaurant like this." She said nervously.

"Would you just trust me, Swan?" I took her hand and pulled her out my door.

"Alice, I'm taking Bella to lunch. We'll be back later."

"But…uh…" I couldn't believe that I had made Alice speechless. I don't think that has ever happened. Mentally, I gave myself a pat on the back.

We stepped into the elevator and proceeded to go down to the lobby. Seth had the car waiting on the curb all ready.

"Bella, this is Seth." I introduced. I didn't want to tell Bella what Seth's total job included. I would be happy to keep her in the dark for now.

"Hello." She gave a shy hello.

"How do you do." He replied opening the car door for us. I helped Bella in and then went around the other side to slide in.

"Where to, Sir."

"Take us to In & Out." I requested.

"What's In & Out?" Bella asked.

"Just wait." In & Out was a California staple. In fact I think it was illegal to live in California and not like In & Out. I pointed out different sights on our way to the hamburger joint. I knew that she hadn't seen much since she had only arrived a couple of days ago.

"So did you ever make it to Mann's Chinese Theatre?" she asked.

"Of course. I have seen many a movie there. I'll take you." I promised.

Bella had always wanted to go and see the most infamous theatre in all of the USA. She said it was the epitome of Hollywood and stars and movies and everything we used to love to debate when we would hold our movie marathons.

We pulled up to the In & Out drive thru and I ordered it to eat in the car. I didn't even ask what Bella wanted. I ordered for her. I probably should have ordered a four by four seeing how much weight she needed to gain. A four by four was four hamburger patties and four pieces of cheese; only once did I conquer it. But I didn't want her throwing up on me again.

"What are you smiling for, Mas…Cullen?" She gave me a sly look.

"You don't want to know." I shook my head with a small laugh.

"Cut it out." She demanded. "Tell me."

I always loved seeing her all riled up.

"Well, it just popped into my head…I was remembering the time we went to the movies and saw…"

She cut me off. "Don't even." She shook a finger at me and I couldn't hold it. I busted up laughing, seeing her scowl made me laugh even harder.

Seth handed us our food and we pulled into a parking spot nearby. Seth left to give us privacy, eating his food out on the benches.

"Stop laughing." She demanded. I sat there still unable to control myself as she lifted the burger to her mouth.

"I'm sorry but that guy….god that was the best shit ever."

"Ugh, just say it already and get it out of your system." She huffed.

At the beginning of our senior year, we went to see a movie and before we went into the theatre we had both just purchased two chocolate shakes. The man at the theatre said we couldn't take the shakes into the movie and we needed to finish them before we entered. There was only three minutes before the movie started and so stupidly I got the idea of having a contest to see who could drink their shake the fastest. Bella barely finished but I definitely beat her.

We were five minutes into the film when Bella leaned over and whispered how she wasn't feeling too well. I raised the arm between us and pulled her to me; resting her head on my shoulder. I tried to pet her as we continued to watch the movie but suddenly she couldn't help herself and she threw up in my lap.

The guy behind us leaned forward and said, "I paid to see The Grudge, not the exorcist."

I still couldn't help my laughing as I imitated that man again.

"God, I swear you're gonna put that on my tombstone." Bella scowled.

"It was funny and you know it." I teased.

"You keep making fun of me and I will barf on you in your fancy car." She threatened.

"My fancy car did nothing to you, Swan."

I swear it was like old times. In the course of just a few short hours my life finally had meaning again.

We finished up our lunch and Bella seemed to like the hamburger which she should.

"Why don't I take you to Mann's Theatre now? We could see a movie." I suggested.

"Uh…I can't. I promised my friend Rosalie that I would come to her meeting thing tonight."

I don't know why but hearing her call another person a friend made me upset. I was her friend.

"Why don't I drive you home?" I said solemnly.

"Well, I thought Seth drove you?" she smiled at me a little.

"Whatever." I shook my head. "Where are you staying?"

"You can just take me back to the office. Alice will take me home. I don't want to inconvenience you." She suggested.

"I already sent Alice and Jessica home for the day. See?" I held up my phone showing her my text to Alice. There was no point for them to stay. I wanted my time with Bella. I wouldn't waste the day working.

"Well, I could just catch a bus from here?" She said. I was losing patience with her; like the old days when she would try to fight me on everything.

"Bella, just tell me where you live. Why do you always have to be so damn frustrating?" I might have growled at her.

She looked at me and I already knew that look. She was pissed. She opened the car door and stepped out; leaving me. I scrambled out my side and ran around to chase her.

"Come on. I'm sorry. Would you stop?" I rushed to catch up with her.

"Just go home, Masen…or Edward or AHHHH" She screamed in frustration.

I jumped in front of her path, cutting her off.

"Like I said before. Call me whatever you want."

She walked around me and continued on.

"Stop. Please. I'll do anything." I begged.

She halted. "Anything?" she gave me that look and I suddenly regretted my words.

I sighed. "Anything."

"You know what to do." She folded her arms over her chest and waited. I couldn't believe what I was about to do. I was in the In & Out parking lot in a nine hundred-dollar suit.

"Mmm bop, ba duba dopBa du bop, ba duba dop. Mmm bop, ba duba dopBa du bop, ba duba dop. Yeah Yeah." I sang.

She started to smile and crack up.

"You still know the words." She taunted.

"Of course I do; you would sing that damn song and it would get in my head the rest of the damn day. Now would you please come back to the car? It's not safe for you to be walking around these parts when it gets late and with a dress already torn."

"Fine. But, don't yell at me." She pointed a strong finger at me.

I lead her back to the car and we got in.

"I live over on San Pedro and Fourth." She said.

"What? You have to be kidding me. That area is dangerous." I stated.

"Well, it's all I could afford so you can just bite your tongue like the old days."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Seth started up the car and proceeded to drive us toward the bad part of town. It made me positively anxious knowing I was leaving her in this neighborhood.

"Really Edward? You don't think I didn't notice all your lunches you would try to feed me from. Always paying for movies back in the day. Every time I told you I couldn't afford something you would magically pop up with a lie and give me what I needed. I never said anything because it made me almost as uncomfortable as it made you to talk about how rich you were."

"You knew I was rich?" I asked dumbfounded.

She nodded her head giving me a duh look.

"How?"

"Well, your clothes for one. You always wore nice clothes. Your car. Even if it was just a Volvo it was still nicer than anyone else at our school drove. Your inability to understand how people like me couldn't afford hundred thousand dollar college educations." She shook her head and I sat there not being able to fathom her words.

She knew all along. God, I was an idiot.

We drove up to the front of her residence after Bella gave Seth instructions and I was seconds away from telling Seth to floor it to my house. There was a wooden sign out in front that had graffiti spray painted across the engraving of My Sister's Helper. The two stories old Victorian home stood out among the other buildings but it look dilapidated.

Bella, couldn't stay here. God, knows if this place was even safe. It probably needed to be fumigated. Scratch that, it should be condemned.

"Stop." She whispered.

"What?" I growled.

"I can see your face. Please just stop, Edward." She sighed. "I'll see you."

She turned to get out of the car.

"Wait." I said. "Please just…come home with me. You don't have to stay here."

She turned to me and placed a hand on my face; she gently caressed it. "It was really good to see you again, Edward."

She stepped out of the car and I got chills. I had a bad feeling. Something wasn't right. Was she going to run again?

I jumped out and walked with her.

"Just…why don't you show me around?" I asked trying to prolong my time with her.

She sighed, "I don't know if I'm allowed to."

"Well, if anyone has something to say then they can say it to my face." I replied.

"Please, I don't want to make waves. These people have been so kind to me and they took me in when I was condemned to spend my night out on the street during that horrible storm. I owe them."

"Fine, I'll be nice."

She opened the front door and there were a couple of people sitting in the living room area. The only one I recognized was Alice.

"Oh Bella, I've been worried." Alice said jumping up from the couch.

"What were you worried about? She was with me." I stated.

"Please don't speak to my wife like that. I don't care who you are, Mr. Cullen." A man defended Alice. This must be her husband.

"Honey, I got this." Alice placed a hand on her husband's shoulder.

"Edward, of course I was worried. I had no idea what the hell was going on between you two. All I know was one minute she was running to get away from you and then you brought her back telling me that you two weren't to be bothered. You two know each other?"

Bella nodded her head. "We…were best friends in high school."

"Bella, our meeting is starting soon. Are you still planning on attending?" A blonde woman who didn't have the good manners to introduce herself pushed into our conversation.

"Yes, Rosalie." The way Bella answered really irritated me. She sounded like some kind of servant.

"Edward, I will see you tomorrow." Bella turned to me and led me back toward the front door.

"Okay." I pulled out my wallet and a pen. I pulled a business card from it and scribbled my personal number on the back of it. "Please, call me if you need anything. I mean it Bella. Whatever you need."

She nodded and took the card. I looked at her one last time worried that I might never see her again. I couldn't allow that to happen. Down the steps I went and back to my car.

"Home, Sir?" Seth asked.

"Seth, I want you to stay here and keep an eye out. If you see Bella leave, follow her. Call me with updates and keep her safe."

I took the keys from him and Seth went to the trunk and pulled out some plain clothes.

I drove off leaving her and somehow I knew I would regret it.

* * *

**AN: **Hope that this helped! I know some of you were a tad anxious for the reuniting. Thank you for reading and reviewing. I updated Working Title last night just in case you missed it.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

Rosalie had the living room set up in a full circle of chairs by the time I made it back downstairs. After Edward left I made the excuse of needing a moment to clean up and change before I could come to the meeting; starving off Alice for information that she looked desperate for.

There were women already sitting down for the meeting that was starting at six pm. I understood that dinner would be served after as it was tradition to sit around and talk and then spend the rest of the night in solidarity as we ate with one another.

I had worn my old t-shirt and jeans that Rosalie was nice enough to wash and dry the first night I was there.

"Bella, you can sit by me." Angela waved me over as I awkwardly entered the room.

I didn't know how I felt being here. I felt like I was intruding.

I smiled to Angela and went to sit down next to her.

"Where's Alice?" I asked Rosalie.

"Oh…she doesn't come to these meetings." She replied.

Well, at least I was safe from an inquisition for now.

"All right ladies, can we take a seat." Rosalie started. There were seven women in total all coming around to find a seat in the circle.

"Everyone, I just want to start off introducing for those who haven't had the chance to meet her, our new housemate, Bella Swan."

They all offered up hellos as I shyly waved.

"Who would like to start this evening?" Rosalie asked.

A young girl who couldn't have been more than eighteen rose her hand.

"Bree. The floor is yours." Rosalie granted.

I was wrong, Bree was nineteen years old and she looked like a baby. Apparently she was in an abusive relationship that started her freshman year of high school. Her boyfriend was the jealous type and would beat her up because he thought she was always cheating on him. She would try to break away from him but he would spread lies about her so that even her own parents wouldn't trust her.

"I was pretty much abandoned by my own family. They really thought I was some kind of whore. When they kicked me out; what choice did I have but to go back and live with Riley. I had nowhere else to go. I managed to talk to my mom on Monday. It was the first time I talked to her since I was kicked out. I broke down on the phone and yelled at her for being a shitty mother and abandoning me. She was supposed to love and protect me but she pretty much threw me to the wolves. In some ways I blame her more than I blame Riley."

I wanted to cry for this girl. I wanted to cry for this stranger that sat in front of me and poured her heart out. I couldn't believe how cruel people could be in this world. My mother left me but she wasn't the reason for my shitty life.

Angela went next. She spoke of how she was finally getting to a point in her life where she wasn't just that abused wife. She had her kids and a great mission she set out on.

"Helping others learn self-defense has been like my awakening. I finally found something that makes me feel like I have a place in this world. If I could help one person learn how to protect themselves then maybe all those years I suffered will have been for something. Before Ray; I was vivacious. I loved to dance and I was social but then he came along and I became stuck. He didn't even start hitting me until after I had our first child. He would blame me for them crying at night and how it would cause him to mess up at work. At first I thought he was just having trouble because he was sleep deprived. Hell, I was sleep deprived. But it never stopped. The only thing that gave me strength to get out was when I saw him kick my son. I couldn't stay there. Even if it meant being on the street. My children didn't deserve to suffer for my poor choices. I am so thankful to you Rosalie because without you I don't know if we would have survived." She smiled.

"Well, I am happy that all of you are here and safe." Rosalie turned to me. "Bella, I know it's your first time. You don't have to share if you don't want to."

I didn't know what to say. I had been sitting here over the past hour, listening as every single one of the women shared. Their lives were so much different from mine. I mean, these were good women. I couldn't understand why god would put such good people in these horrible situations.

"Uh…I'm not really sure what to say." I muttered.

"Well you can talk about something you are thankful for or something that has been bothering you."

"Um…I…I'm sorry. I feel awful for the things that have happened to you all. I just can't fathom how these horrible things could happen to such good people. My situation was different. I was a horrible person. I deserved what happened. When…"

"Bella, nobody deserves to be abused." Rosalie interrupted.

"No. I did. I did an unforgivable thing and I was just being punished. Jacob, isn't to blame. He helped me. The only reason I left was because I wanted to try to find happiness again and I knew that I never really wanted to be with Jacob. It wasn't right to stay with him…because I never really loved him. It wasn't fair to him but he was the only person who cared about me, so I stayed."

"Bella, listen to me. You were in an abusive relationship. You did not deserve what you had to live through. If Jacob ever hit you or called you a name. That's abuse. There is nothing you could ever do on this earth to earn such foul treatment." Rosalie said determined.

"You don't know that." I argued. She was pissing me off. She didn't know anything about me.

"Yes. I do. You need to understand what happened to you." Rosalie said raising her voice and standing up directly in front of me.

"You don't know the first thing about me." I replied angered.

"You were abused. Say it Bella. Say I was abused."

"Fuck off. Just leave me alone." I pushed past her and tore out of that house. Edward was right. I couldn't stay there.

I flew down the steps and just kept running. I think I was so focused on my anger and confusion that it caused me to run faster than I had ever run. I didn't fall. I just kept running.

My running soon turned into a jog followed by a brisk walk. I was able to think more the slower I got. Rosalie; she had shown me kindness when I had nowhere to turn and I regretted the words I spoke to her. Over and over I was shown how disgusting of a human being I was.

It was late and cold. The skies were still filled with threatening clouds that looked to be ready to shower down on us at any moment. I finally had to stop; my breathes were labored and I was sweating profusely.

I had no idea where I was or even how to get back, not that I cared to go back. I had left everything behind. My clothes. My book. But I still had my last thirty dollars left in my back pocket. I didn't even have my pull over. My arms were starting to feel the cold as I aimlessly walked.

Rain started to trickle down upon me. Great. How far I've come since just a couple of days ago. Isabella Swan, one disaster after another, I thought. Stop throwing yourself a pity party and think. You're not going to get anywhere just standing out in the cold. I need some place I can go to to keep warm. Some shelter that I can seek at least until after the storm is over.

McDonald's.

However not having any way of knowing where one was, my only choice was to keep wandering and hope one would cross my path. For being such a busy city I started to wonder how the streets could be so bear as I walked quietly down them. I guess that was the wrong question to ask...

Suddenly I heard someone whistle. I looked up to see three men stand in my path. My body was so cold that at first all I could focus on were their nice heavy coats that they all seemed to wear.

"Wow, who is this fox?" one of them asked as he started to swagger his way toward me. I didn't answer.

"Looks like the entertainment just arrived." Another one cracked a joke and they all started to bump fists with one another proud of their intelligent remarks.

I could hear my breathing begin to accelerate as I realized that I needed to start forming a plan of action. Some how I didn't think these were the type of men who would just spit out their disgusting degrading remarks and move on.

There was a sharp crack from above as the Thunder began from the storm.

I eyed my surroundings; looking for a good place to run toward. However, I was still pretty winded from earlier, the cold weather taking a toll on my lungs.

Slowly they approached each fanning out and taking a side as I slowly backed up.

"So what's your name?" one asked.

"Leave me alone." I stuttered. They all laughed at me and the first man finally was able to reach out and touch me. I tried to pull away but he took a firm grasp right on the back of my neck. I was about to start pleading for my life.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." A voice came behind me and all four of us turned to look back and see who had said that.

The man walked forward toward us and I recognized him. Even through the rain that was now pouring down on us, I recognized him. It was Seth, Edward's driver. What was he doing here?

"Hey, buddy I suggest you move the fuck along." The man who held my face said.

"No. I suggest you move the fuck along." Seth replied cold and calculated.

The man who had a hold of my face let go of me and looked back to his friends.

"I think we need to teach this asshole a lesson."

"Bella, stand against the wall." Seth ordered.

I tried to back up, fearful for what was about to happen.

One of the guys tried to hit Seth and he easily blocked the guy and danced around him kicking the other guy in the chest. The whole thing seemed like a dance as Seth easily disarmed two of the men and just as he managed to take one down to the ground, the third guy took a run at me and placed me into tight hold.

"Touch them and I'll break her fucking neck." He tightened his hold on me. I could barely breathe. I tried to push his arm away but he would just tighten it.

"You made a really poor decision." A Deep voice. A different voice from that of Seth's.

Edward.

He was here. In the rain. In this ally.

Now it was two against three. Well, I'm pretty sure Seth had knocked out one of the three guys so now it was even.

Edward walked forward as Seth kept watch on the other two. I hadn't even realized that I was crying.

"Bella, you're going to be fine. I promise." Edward said to me.

"The fuck you are." The man squeezed me tighter causing me to groan.

Suddenly something went whizzing past my ear and the man yelled out while releasing me.

"What the fuck!"

I dropped to the ground and Edward stepped past me to advance on the man screaming out in pain behind me as I laid there on the cold wet ground trying to catch my breath.

Once again Seth went into fight mode and began to fight his guy.

"Nobody fucking touches my girl and lives." I could hear Edward as he approached my attacker with his dark deep voice.

My attacker tried to fight him off even though he had a knife in his shoulder but suddenly Edward began to fight him. He moved around him, hitting, kicking like some kind of kung fu master. Who the hell was he? This was so not the Edward Masen I once knew.

It was like a switch had been hit and he turned into a completely different person. My attacker was lying on his back and Edward was on top of him just about to take the knife and stab him one last time.

"NO!" I screamed out.

Edward immediately stopped and looked at me. He looked ferocious, like a wild animal. It scared me. I hadn't done anything physical but I was panting like I was the one fighting. The rain was pouring down hard now and I couldn't even tell if I was crying or if that was just the rain.

Edward stayed in place; the knife in his right hand dangling over the man's chest. I couldn't take it. I needed to get out of here. Edward was just as dangerous, maybe even more so then my attackers.

I jumped up from the asphalt and took off running once more.

"Bella." I heard Edward shout but I didn't stop.

I got down to the end of an ally and ran into a chain link fence. There was a small hole near the bottom where the fence had been pulled back and I pushed my way through it. The damn fence cutting up my arm and jeans as I went. I fell into a deep puddle, my clothes now thoroughly drenched but I got up and continued my run.

Just as I was running out of breath; Edward caught up with me.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Would you stop?" He said while jogging beside me.

It was futile to keep up with my jogging but I kept pushing forward.

"Please go. Just leave me alone." I cried through gasps for breath.

"God, I'm so sorry. I'll do whatever you want. Please just give me chance to explain." He growled.

"Explain what?" I snapped. "You went crazy back there. I don't know who you are. Just stay away from me."

"Bella, come on; it's me. I'm Edward. You know me."

I looked over to him. "No. I don't."

I was soaked. I could hardly feel my legs anymore; they were numb from the cold.

"Let me take you home. You're freezing. You're going to get sick." Edward warned.

I pushed him away and turned to a different direction.

"What's the matter with you? Those guys back there were probably going to rape you or worse. I protected you. I saved you." Edward yelled.

A car pulled up next to us and I could tell that it was Edward's.

I turned back to Edward. "Go home. Just forget about me. You can't help me. I'm not yours to save." I shouted.

"You're out of your mind if you ever think I am ever going to forget you or give up on you."

Swiftly Edward leaned down and picked me up.

"Hey, let me go." I screamed.

Into the car I went and he shut the door on me before I could get up from the seat he had laid me on. He went around to the other side and managed to pull me from the door as I tried to open it and get out.

"Home." Was all he said to Seth.

"Edward, what are you doing? Let me go." I tried to pound on his chest with my fists but he took a hold of them and turned me around securing me tightly around the waist so I couldn't even kick him.

"This is illegal. You can't kidnap me. HELP! HELP!" I screamed.

"You can scream all you want. No one can hear you." Edward said softly.

I started to cry. "Oh god. What are you going to do to me? Please just let me go." I begged.

This afternoon I would never have believed that my former best friend could be capable of this but now after seeing what he did in the alley, I suddenly wondered if I knew this man at all anymore. What was he going to do to me?

The car sped off in the night and it was so dark all around that I wondered just where did Edward live. With the storm everything looked darker and more threatening. Edward never once let up on his firm grasp of me even when I would fidget.

The car came to a slow pace and stopped in front of tall looming gates connected by a high wall. The gates opened and Seth drove on. I could barely make out the residence that Edward called home. With the bad weather and lack of lighting I could only make out that there was a vast tall object maybe three stories high in front of me.

Seth opened Edward's car door and Edward said, "Now can you walk civilly or am I going to have to carry you?"

I didn't answer. I just stared back at him unable to keep my shivers at bay. He got out of the car and helped me out. Once I was out, I ran for it but it didn't take long for Edward to catch up with me and he picked me up easily tossing me gently over his shoulder.

"All right, I'll carry you."

I balled up my fists and pounded on his back to try to get him to let me go but it was like pounding on a concrete wall. Once we were inside the warm house, Edward set me down and I tried to make a run for the front door but there was no handle just a key pad.

"Bella, you're soaked and you're hurt. Just stop and come with me." Edward sighed.

"Who are you? What happened to you? You are not Edward Masen. Please just let me go." I eventually collapsed right there in his grand entry way. I hadn't even given his house a fair glance.

Edward took off his suit coat and tossed it to a nearby chair. He walked back over to me and picked me up, carrying me through the hall ways of his mansion. As we walked all I noticed was that every room that we went into, all of them had one thing in common. One wall facing inward was completely made of glass from floor to ceiling. I couldn't see what was on the other side of that glass wall as it was pitch black.

Edward set me down in a living area next to the fireplace which he started up for me.

"Please just stay here. I'm going to get you something you can change into. If you try to leave; I will find you. I know this house far better than you do." He walked over to a cupboard and pulled out a blanket and wrapped me in it before he left.

I didn't know who I was more upset with at the moment. Part of me was still mad at Rosalie. If she hadn't pissed me off; none of this would have happened. Then another part of me was upset with myself; back in high school whenever Edward pulled any weird shit, all I needed to do was to slug him in the arm really hard and he would immediately desist.

But the largest part of me was mad at Edward. Who did he think he was kidnapping me? I mean I wasn't to blame, was I? Just because I asked him to leave me alone…in a dark and dangerous area in Los Angeles, that didn't make me crazy, right? On the other hand if the roles had been reversed I probably would have done the same thing. Well I wouldn't have taken down three attackers with knifes, kung fu and shit but I would have tried to save Edward if the roles were reversed.

"Thank you." Edward broke me from my thoughts.

"For what?" I sighed.

"For doing what I asked. Here, some clothes. I can send Alice to get you more appropriate things tomorrow." He handed me a bundle and showed me to the closest restroom.

Edward had given me his clothes to wear; a t-shirt, pajama pants and boxers. I didn't know how I felt wearing Edward's boxers so I didn't put them on opting for my puddle soaked panties instead. The shirt was one of our old gym shirts that had the Forks High emblem across it.

I walked back out to the living room where he was waiting. He must have used the time I was gone to change himself as he was now in pajama pants and a fresh t-shirt.

"I left my clothes in your sink since they're kinda of wet still." I said quietly.

"Come here." Edward said.

I walked slowly over to him.

"Can I get you a drink?" he asked. "I'm going to need to look at that arm. It might hurt, would you care for something?"

"No. I don't drink…anymore." I replied.

I sat down and held out my arm to Edward. He was all ready with alcohol and bandages. He started working on my arm where it had been cut into from that damn chain link fence. I cringed a little feeling the alcohol seep into my wounds.

"You should have been a doctor. Lord knows I gave you plenty of practice back in the day." I said quietly.

"Thought about it but I didn't want to follow in my father's footsteps. I wanted to make my own way in the world."

"Edward, what are you planning on doing with me?" I asked.

He looked at me in the eye, stopping his work on my arm.

"I just want you to understand how dangerous it is out there. I can't lose you again. I won't." He went back to working on my arm. "Why is it such a horrible thing for me to want you to stay here? I'm not expecting anything from you. I just want my friend who I care deeply for to be safe at least until she can get back up on her own two feet."

I sat there staring at the fire and even though I was close to it, I still was cold.

"Is there some place I can sleep? I'm freezing. I'd like to get in a warm bed or something?" I asked.

"Of course. This way." Edward finished with my arm and stood up to show me to a room. I couldn't get over how quiet everything seemed. Even when I was at home by myself while Jacob was on duty it was never this quiet. There was always something cooking in the kitchen or the washer and dryer on. I never seemed to be in pure silence.

"If you need anything just pick up any phone in the house and press zero, one. It will find me and I will help you with whatever you should need. Okay?"

As far as I could tell Edward's house was rectangular and in the direct center of the house was what I could only imagine a large rectangular courtyard that could be seen from every single room in the home through the large glass walls that I had seen as I walked from room to room.

The other thing I couldn't help but notice was the lavish wood that was used throughout. It was actually rather beautiful I must say. I had never really liked the modern look that was used so often these days. I liked the wood and older feel. I felt safer surrounded by it.

"What is this place, Wayne Manor?" I quipped.

"You think I could pull off Batman?" Edward smirked.

"I don't know after you're little knife show you and Seth put on tonight, it certainly makes me think so."

"Well, if you're good then maybe I'll show you my bat cave." Edward said just as we arrived to the second floor.

"That sounds disgusting." I cringed.

"Then get your mind out of the gutter, Swan."

Edward showed me to a guest room. I was completely beat unable to fully appreciate the room he wanted me to stay in. I climbed into the massive bed, the sheets unfortunately seemed cold as well.

I couldn't contain my shivers.

"Let me get you another blanket. I will also start up your fireplace." Edward walked over to what I am assuming was the closet and brought out another two fluffy heavy blankets and spread them out on the bed over me. He started up the electric fireplace.

"Thank…you." I stuttered.

"My god. This is just like the last time we had a camp out." Edward sighed and sat down at the foot of the bed.

"I…think…that was…worse." I gasped. "You never did…have another…campout with me after that."

"Of course not. You were so damn stubborn, it was nearly snow temperatures but you refused to leave the tree house. You were sick a whole week after and left me to face the tormentors on my own at school." He replied.

"I always thought you didn't want to have another campout because you had to sleep with me."

It was the beginning of February when I planned another one of our epic campouts. The forecast was saying possible snow but I was determined. That night Edward had to climb into my sleeping bag and help warm me up with his body temperature. It helped immensely but the morning after I woke up with something poking in my back and when I realized what it was I tried to play it off like I was sleeping while Edward woke up and got himself under control. I never did tell him that I felt his boner.

"Of course that wasn't it. You just never planned one." He paused seeing me still shivering under the covers. "Give me your hands."

And just like so many years ago, I gave him my hands so that he could warm them up with his hot breath. I placed my hands in his and he jumped.

"Geez, they're like ice." He began blowing on them and rubbing them back and forth the friction from them helping marginally.

"Edward…" I started to say something but stopped. We weren't kids anymore; it would be inappropriate. "Never mind." I looked down.

Edward got up and walked over to the head of the bed. "Move over."

He read my mind and I allowed it. Edward climbed into bed with me and held me like he had done so long ago.

"God, Bella you're freezing." He sighed. "You're definitely going to get sick."

His body felt amazing pressed up against mine and not in a sexual way either; just the heat coming from him was glorious. He started rubbing his hand up and down my side to try to warm it up. He placed his hand on my thigh and suddenly pulled my pajama bottoms down a little.

"What the hell? Why are you still wearing your wet panties?" he barked.

"Didn't feel right wearing your boxers and I didn't want to go without anything."

Edward ripped the covers off me. "Bella, go to the bathroom and take them off. I can get you some boxers but you're not sleeping in wet underwear. Do you have some kind of pneumonia death wish?"

I got up and stumbled to the bathroom to remove my underwear. Edward tossed a fresh pair of boxers and another clean pajama bottoms into the bathroom seeing how I now made the other pajama bottoms all wet as well.

"Here are some socks." He handed me a pair and I jumped back in the bed just wanting to get warm once again. I will admit I did feel a lot better without the wet panties.

Edward took a hold of me and I fell into the best sleep I have had in years.

* * *

**AN:** Thank you for taking the time to read and review. I hope that this story will continue to please you all.


	9. Chapter 9

**EPOV**

**CHAPTER NINE**

It was early the next morning when I woke. I couldn't believe my good fortune that my dreams had come true. Bella asleep in my arms and just like so long ago; I awoke with a boner. God, did nothing ever change? Thank god Bella never found out about the first one I had after that last campout we had.

I knew that what I had done was wrong. I had taken Bella to my house unwillingly. But she had no fucking idea what kind of dangerous situations she could get herself into being in the crime riddled areas of downtown Los Angeles.

I mean here was a girl who had a very real encounter with some assholes who probably planned on raping and killing her and she ran from me like I was the asshole. I may not have handled the situation lawfully but in those parts where the law was afraid to go; I would take matters into my own hands.

After last night I knew that Bella and I needed to have a serious sit down with a friend of mine so I got up briefly to make a call. I would pay heavily but it was worth every cent if it would help heal the mistakes that Bella and I have made.

"Thank you for coming, Dr. Harper." I greeted Dr. Caroline Harper at my front door.

"Well, I will say I was rather intrigued. Why are you, as you said planning on paying me a mint for coming this morning?" she asked.

"Bella's here." I stated. Her eyes opened wide and mouth dropped a little.

"You found her." She whispered.

"No. In some ways I think she found me…it's a long story but she's here and there is a lot that has happened. I need you to have a session with us. There are quite a few things that we need help with."

I showed her to one of my living rooms and asked my housekeeper, Katherine to attend to her while I went to get Bella. When I arrived upstairs at the guest bedroom; Bella was still asleep.

"Bella." I gently shook her. "There's someone I want you to meet."

She slowly woke, "Edward….tired….ugh…sick." she mumbled.

"Would you like me to carry you downstairs? I can bring up our guest here if you like?" I knew that I should let her sleep and get her some medicine but I just really needed her and I to start on a fresh page and that wasn't going to happen until we both came clean about our past mistakes.

"Feel like shit. What's going on?" She opened her eyes and cringed. "So bright."

"Let me get that." I went over to the house panel and pressed a button. My house had a retracting roof that would close over the center atrium that ran through the middle of my home and it would go completely dark. I didn't want to explain to Bella right then about my center atrium. There would be time for that later.

I helped her up and walked with her through the house and down the stairs to Dr. Harper. After closing the roof my house always became rather dark so I turned lights on as we went.

"Edward, what's going on? You didn't even let me brush my teeth…not that I have anything to brush my teeth with." She complained.

"Geez, come here." I sighed. I pulled her into the nearest bathroom and pulled from the cabinet a _Sonicare_ for her.

"Uh…I'm not using your toothbrush." She huffed.

"Bella, no one has used this machine yet. I just put one in every bathroom just in case a guest needed to use it…not that I have many guests."

"You have the _Sonicare_ system throughout your house like people keep the cheapy free toothbrushes that they get from their dentists?" She paused and looked directly up at me with those condescending eyes, "How to know when you're living in excess."

"Would you just brush your damn teeth and stop passing judgment already?" I ordered.

I turned to leave the bathroom quickly irritated how right she was.

Finally Bella came out and I was able to continue our mission.

Dr. Harper stood as we came into the room.

"Bella, I want you to meet my psychiatrist, Dr. Caroline Harper." I introduced.

Bella looked at her and then at me and then back to her. "You have to deal with his crazy ass?"

Dr. Harper smirked. "Yes. Yes I do. Pleasure to meet you, Bella. I have heard quite a lot about you."

Bella narrowed her eyes at me and I slunk over to the couch.

"So…how did you come to be here?" Dr. Harper asked resuming her seat on a chair.

"Do you mean as in Los Angeles or as in Edward's house because I came by bus to Los Angeles and then Edward kidnapped me so now I'm here." Bella replied irritated.

I blew out air through my nose frustrated with Bella's tone. Dr. Harper looked to me for answers.

"I didn't kidnap her…I mean honestly she's like full-grown adult…not a kid." I wanted to hit myself in the face for that answer.

"Wow, now I wonder how you ever managed that A plus in Critical Thinking." Bella retorted.

"You are both being serious? Did you kidnap her, Edward?" Dr. Harper asked slightly outraged.

Bella folded her arms over her chest and waited for me to explain.

"You…you don't know what would have happened to her if I had left her out in the rain in a dangerous neighborhood. I wasn't going to allow her stubbornness to get in the way of common sense." I defended.

"Edward, please let Bella go. This is illegal." Dr. Harper warned.

I got up from my couch. I knew that I had to give her the option to go but I needed to plead out my case one last time hoping she would see reason.

I stood directly in front of Bella and looked deep into her eyes.

"Bella. I will let you go but I am begging you; please don't leave. I will do whatever you want of me, just don't leave."

She stood there looking into my eyes. She seemed to be searching for something and suddenly she softened.

"I will stay as long as you want me to stay but I want to know the code to leave. I will not be locked in here like some kind of caged animal."

"Okay, fine whatever. Six-one-zero-four." I breathed out a sigh of relief. She would stay as long as I wanted her to stay…then she would stay forever.

"Now that all of that is settled. Last time I met with you Edward, you had just left off at the night…"

"Dr. Harper." I quickly interrupted her. "Can we please just move on to find some way to…resolve our issues."

I just wanted to get a move on already. Katherine brought Bella some hot tea and I dismissed her asking we not be bothered.

"Edward, this is a process. Not just something that we can get done in an afternoon. Now I have heard a little bit from you on your past relationship and I believe that it has done wonders for your mental health but please be patient." She looked over to Bella who sat on the opposite side of the couch from me.

"Bella, Edward has only shared small amounts from his past about you. I am still unaware of the reasons for the falling out between the two of you. Could you tell me from your point of view how your friendship with Edward which he has stated was rather strong, ended so abruptly?"

"Uh…well…I…I don't want to do this." Bella jumped up from the couch spilling her tea.

"Oh….god…dammit…" She started to use her shirt to soak up the tea from the floor. I jumped down to stop her.

"Just leave it. Come on. It doesn't matter." I pulled her up and her shirt was soaked.

"No. I fucked up your rug…oh…god…" she started breathing heavily.

"It's okay. I don't care about the damn rug." I pulled her to me and held her tightly until I could calm her down. Her wet shirt pushing up on me, causing my shirt to become wet as well.

"Let me get you a different shirt. I don't want you getting cold." I left her and went straight away to my laundry room pulling out a nice warm shirt from the dryer. As I was walking back I could hear Bella talking to Dr. Harper.

"This isn't a good idea…you…you don't know…Edward will hate me…please I can't…"

"Bella, if Edward truly hated you for anything you have done in the past well then he wasn't a good friend to begin with. If you care about him then you need to be honest with him. Just knowing what I have heard; Edward cares a great deal for you."

I needed to put a stop to this.

I walked back into the room and handed Bella a fresh shirt. She looked up to me and looked scared.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She swallowed and placed the shirt down beside her on the couch.

"Edward…I did a horrible thing. Something unforgivable. I don't think you will want to see me after I tell you this…" Her eyes were brimming with tears as she tried to make it through.

"There is nothing you could say that I wouldn't forgive." I answered strongly.

"Don't say that. Just…." She breathed out. "I want you to know that…you have always been the best part of my life…"

I couldn't stop myself. I didn't want her to keep on torturing herself over this.

"Bella, I know about the abortion."

Her eyes flashed to mine as her mouth dropped. "What? How?" she started shaking her head like she didn't believe me.

"After college when I started my company; I used some of my startup money to hire someone to look in on you. He found your old hospital records. The day I found out I nearly drank myself into a coma. It was so clear to me all the sudden. I was angry not because of what you had done. I was angry at you for not telling me so I could be there for you. I was angry at myself for not fighting for you. I should have never let you go that day. If you didn't want to have that baby; I would have respected your decision but why couldn't you just tell me? I had the right to know. You were my best friend. God, I loved you. I would done anything for you."

I hadn't even realized that I myself had tears in my eyes.

"If I told you…you would have…talked me out of it." She stuttered.

"What would have been so wrong having a baby with me? Did you really never care about me?" I asked.

"What? No. I… I didn't want to ruin your future. You had every opportunity to go and be somebody. I didn't. I thought about keeping it and never telling you but my dad told me what a mistake it would be. He said that you would find out and you would give up your future to stay behind. I couldn't do that to you. I did a horrible thing and I have been punished over and over again but look at what you have become. You would never have had any of this if you stayed behind. It was all my fault what happened at prom. I did this. I needed to make it right."

I couldn't believe the things that came spewing out of her mouth. So many times I wanted to have this conversation but never once did I believe that I would want to….just...shake her and make her realize just how stupid she was being. If she had only told me. Even if she didn't want the baby, I still could have been there for her. Hearing about the crap Charlie had told her made me want to punch him…if he hadn't already been dead.

Did she really believe that staying with that abusive asshole Jacob was supposed to be punishment? God, how could she be so ignorant.

"Edward. I think there are things you need to talk to Bella about as well." Dr. Harper interrupted my thoughts. I had been staring at Bella as she broke down on my couch unable to even reach out to her because I was just so angry at her poor decisions. But then there was my confessions I needed to make; my own poor decisions.

"This isn't all your fault. Prom was all my fault." I breathed out slowly as I looked over to Bella.

"Bella, there's something I need to tell you." She looked up to me still shaking slightly as I prepared myself for this moment. "I sent you the secret admirer messages."

It was like time had stopped. She didn't move and her tears had slowed. I couldn't even find it in me to breathe while waiting for her response.

"Why….why would you do that?" He breathing labored as she tried to work though her mind probably every detail of those weeks we spent discussing the mysterious messages left in her locker.

"Bella, I…"

Her eyes snapped up to mine and there was no longer sadness but fury.

"How could you do that to me? Were you really that cruel to play such a horrible fucked up joke on me? What were you just laughing at me the whole time in your mind? You saw me every day…you saw what those notes did to me and then you just…."

"I didn't do it as a joke." I defended myself poorly.

"Really? Because I pretty sure you didn't come to the punch bowl and left me standing there like the unwanted idiot I was." She snapped.

"Bella, I…"

She jumped up from the couch. "For the last time, just leave me alone, Edward." She yelled.

"Bella. Wait." Dr. Harper's voice boomed and it practically made me wet myself.

Bella stopped and turned to face Dr. Harper.

"Edward, gave you a chance to explain the abortion. You should show him the same respect and give him a chance to explain the letters." When Dr. Harper spoke she did so with such authority; it was one of the reasons I stayed with her for so long. Hardly anyone could command such attention like her.

Bella walked back over to the couch and sat down at the farthest she could from me. I had only one chance to explain this and if I failed she could walk out that door and I knew that I would have to let her go.

I turned to face her even though she focused on the wall directly away from me.

"I fucked up. I am so sorry, Bella. But I didn't write those letters because I wanted to hurt you. I would never hurt you. I meant every single thing I wrote in those letters. I wrote that I had noticed you for a long time and how I wanted to take you to prom. I wrote how I couldn't wait to see you in your dress and dance with you all night. I meant every single word. But when it came time to reveal myself, I was afraid that you wouldn't feel what I felt for you. I knew it would crush me to hear you turn me down or laugh in my face."

Bella had slowly turned to me during my confession. "You really think I was the kind of person to laugh in your face?"

"You wouldn't have taken me seriously." I replied softly.

"You don't know that." She sighed. "Edward, when I received the first note…I truly did believe that it was someone who wanted to hurt me and then when the second note came; I decided to keep an open mind like you had asked and I allowed myself to hope. But the third note I finally allowed myself to picture prom with this mystery person and suddenly I realized I didn't want to go to prom with just anyone. I wanted it to be you. I waited by that damn punch bowel thinking that maybe you would walk up and you didn't. You just left me there. I have gone over in my head a thousand times the things I did wrong that night…" she trailed off.

"We both fucked up." I cut her off. "I wish I could say an apology that was great enough for what I did but I can't. Even though I knew that what we did was wrong…I don't want to forget it because it was one the greatest nights of my life."

"I don't really know what to say." She whispered.

"Edward, Bella." Dr. Harper reminded us that she was still in the room and called for our attention. "I think that you both have done great work today. Both of you can finally be on the road to heal. I don't know what type of relationship you two will have after this but I hope you will take it slow, whatever it may be. A lot of time has passed and there are things the past nine years that have happened in each of your individual lives that the other is not aware of still. You must have patience with one another and respect for each other's past. If you can find these things then I think you will both find a healthy friendship once more. Is that something you two can agree upon? Do you both want to continue this friendship?"

I waited to see what Bella would say. I was in a thousand percent. I hated that I needed to become friends again. I wanted more but I needed to respect that Bella may never want more. After all she had been through with Jacob; she could be done with men the rest of her life.

Bella looked to me as I sat there holding my breath.

"Yes." She whispered.

I breathed a sigh of relief and gave her a small smile. "So do I."

I would take whatever I could get.

"Okay, well I wouldn't mind meeting with the pair of you in the future and I think it could be beneficial for you to have separate sessions if that is something you would like to consider."

Dr. Harper rose up out of her chair and placed her note pad in her satchel.

"Thank you so much for coming, Dr. Harper." I stood up to walk her out leaving Bella to sit on the couch.

Just as we approached the door Dr. Harper turned to me one last time, "Edward, you can't force her to love you. You need to give her time to see what she wants and if she decides to not choose you; you need to let her go."

She closed the door behind her and left me there in my entry way thinking over her words. I hated them. What if Bella didn't choose me? What meaning would my life have?

"Edward?" Bella called from behind me.

"Yes." I turned to her.

"I'm sorry but I'm…hungry." She looked embarrassed to say something but then I realized that it had been quite a long time since she had been able to eat anything.

"I'm sorry. I'm the worst kidnapper; aren't I?" I tried to tease.

"Maybe I'm just the worst…hostage." She replied before sneezing.

Great. She really was sick.

"Don't look at me like that. I refuse to get sick." She stomped her little foot just like she used to when she was being stubborn.

"Come on, Swan. I'll make you some soup." I took her hand and pulled her along to my kitchen. I sat her down at the table in the corner and got busy trying to find what I would need. I started looking through my cupboards but I hadn't a clue what I was doing. I never cooked anything.

"Uh…Edward were you planning on starting sometime today?" Bella asked.

"Would you just give me a minute?" I huffed and turned back to my cupboard.

"Oh Mister Cullen; what are you doing?" Katherine walked in and threw her hands up in the air seeing the mess I was making.

"I was wondering the same thing." Bella mumbled.

"I can't find anything in this damn kitchen." I growled.

"What would you like? I will make it for you." Katherine asked.

"Soup. She needs some kind of soup. I don't know, chicken noodle or something." I responded.

"Edward, you don't need to be so mean to her. She's just trying to help." Bella reprimanded me.

I looked over to her and knew that if I was going to win this girls heart I needed to be more patient and nice to others.

"I apologize, Katherine. Bella please let me introduce you to Katherine; she runs the house."

Bella smiled over to her and Katherine looked taken aback my sudden shift in demeanor.

"I'm going to take Bella upstairs. She needs rest." I guided Bella out of the room.

"I'm still hungry." She whispered.

"Katherine will bring up the soup once she is done. You need to get back to bed. I don't want you getting any sicker."

"Edward, why are there glass walls everywhere. What's out there?" She pointed toward my atrium.

"That's for later. When you're better."

I helped Bella back into bed and went off to find her some medicine she could take after her meal. My cell phone began to ring and I pulled it from my lounge pants. I was immediately irritated to see Alice's name appear. She had been trying to get a hold of me but I ignored her.

"What Alice?" I snapped.

"Did you find her? Oh god Edward, we've been worried all night." She sounded panicked.

"Of course I found her. You tell that Rosalie that I don't want Bella having anything more to do with that place."

"Edward, she's our friend. We care about her. Rosalie feels awful."

"She doesn't need any more friends. She has me. There was a reason she ran away. Please just leave us alone."

"What are you going to do, kidnap her from the world? You can't keep her away from me." She threatened and I couldn't listen to anymore so I hung up and turned my phone to silent.

I walked back over to her room and sat myself in the chair near Bella's bed. I had waited nearly my entire life for this opportunity. To be able to live with Bella. Take care of Bella. I would do anything to make her mine even if that meant I had to give up everything.

"Are you just planning on staring at me while I sleep?"

"No…I don't know." I didn't want to leave her but I guess I could see her concern.

"Well, can you at least turn on the TV so it doesn't feel weird." She said.

I walked over and turned the television on and went to hand her the remote.

"I know this is a really bad time to ask but…does your company have sick time available?" she asked.

I furrowed my brow, "Bella, don't worry about it. There are perks when sleeping with the boss." I teased and then jumped right up in bed with her. I don't know why but it just felt natural.

"Don't be gross. I don't need perks; thank you very much. If you were being serious and will allow me to keep my job until such time it becomes inappropriate for me to do so then I'd like to earn my pay, the right way."

I rolled my eyes at her absurdity but if that's what she wanted.

"Fine, whatever. You can ask Alice what our company policy on sick time is."

I would get to Alice before her and tell her that we would be paying Bella for these days off. I was pretty sure she would be better by Monday but I didn't want her losing sleep over it.

"And since I am staying here; I will pay rent." She stated.

"Absolutely not!" I replied outraged.

"Rent or I walk." She looked determined.

"Fine. I will expect five dollars on the first of the month." I huffed. Two can play this game.

"I will give you more than that. But, we can come back to that. Edward, how did Seth know I was in the alley?"

Just fucking fantastic.

I sighed and she wasn't going to give up. She had that determined look upon her face.

"I…had him watch you."

She gasped.

"Look, you wanted to stay in that damn rundown neighborhood. You can't imagine the things that could happen. Well maybe you can and I'm not going to apologize for it because if he hadn't stayed, god knows what would have happened to you."

I hadn't even realized how loud I had been.

"Do not yell at me." She gritted through her teeth and I immediately felt like shit for doing so.

"I'm sorry."

"Just…you can't talk to me like that." She was having trouble with her words. Her hands were balled up into tiny little fists, shaking as she looked down at the bed spread.

I took her hands in mine and tried to calm her. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry."

She managed to calm herself and I couldn't take it any more I had to know.

"What did…he do to you?"

She looked away, "I…nothing I didn't deserve."

WHAT?

I tried to remain calm but I could feel myself start to lose it. So I got up from the bed and left. I didn't want to do something I would regret. I went to my room and started to beat the shit out of my pillow. I probably should have gone up to my gym and used the punching bag but the feathers all over my room told me it was much too late for that.

I calmed myself down before I entered Bella's room. I could see that Katherine had brought up lunch. She had left me a bowl of soup and a grilled cheese as well on the side table.

"I didn't know if you were coming back." She whispered. "I didn't want Katherine to have to track you down…I have a feeling in this house that could take a while."

I sighed and picked up my tray.

"Look, we have trays. Just like high school." I said.

"Edward, please don't ask me about Jacob…I don't think it's a good idea to bring up my past."

"Bella, you heard Dr. Harper; she said that we needed to have patience and respect for each other's past. I'm sure there maybe things you will find out about my past nine years you may not like. I hope you will have patience and respect for that."

"I just don't want to make you mad. What happened to me is none of your concern."

I had to focus all my might on something else. When she would talk like that it made me want yell at her. Shake her. Wake up, Bella. She was so smart; what happened?

"If you want me stay calm and sane then this will be the only time I tell you this. Do not tell me that what happened with you and Jacob was your fault."

I was practically shaking I was so pissed off. I could see now that Bella was just as in need of Dr. Harper as I was. She needed someone who had years of experience and multiple degrees to get it through her thick skull that what happened to her was wrong and not the result of her past decisions.

I helped take the tray away when she was done and before I allowed her to snuggle back down under the covers I gave her some medicine. I covered her up good and tight and couldn't stop myself from sitting next to her as she started to drift off to sleep.

"Hey Bella? Are you still my B.F.F.?" I whispered.

She was half asleep but she groaned a little and sighed, "Always."

* * *

**AN:** Thank you for taking the time to read and review! For those who are reading The Working Title Series, I apologize for not updating this weekend. I am working on the new chapter now and hope to post tomorrow. Sorry, I was just really lazy week with my writing.


	10. Chapter 10

**BPOV**

**CHAPTER TEN**

The past couple of days, Edward practically had me under lock and key. Well only in the sense that he wouldn't allow me to leave the bed except to go and use the bathroom. He didn't mess around when I was sick. However the moment he was called away on a business call I took my opportunity to go and explore.

I felt like Belle in Beauty and the Beast when she was exploring the castle. Unfortunately I had no idea where Edward's west wing was so I hoped there wasn't any rooms I wasn't supposed to go in.

I didn't get too far as the first thing that still had me pretty curious were the glass walls. Part of my bedroom wall was glass and it stretched into the bathroom which I have to say is rather unnerving when you wanted to go to the bathroom or take a bath. What could be on the other side? Were there cameras? Edward, wouldn't watch me in the bathroom while I sat on the toilet would he?

Don't get me wrong there were drapes in my bedroom and a light cloth drape in the bathroom if I needed to close it but these walls were the biggest mystery of all.

I only made it a couple of feet out of the door to the room I was staying in, to a cozy sitting area before I pressed my face up against the glass wall and tried to strain my eyes to see what was behind it.

"I don't think Katherine particularly likes cleaning fingerprints and face prints off the glass." Edward had startled me.

"Sorry." I apologized abashed.

"You shouldn't be out of bed." Edward replied.

"Edward, I can't take one more second being in a bed no matter how comfortable it is. I'm fine. I think the sickness has past." Of course right then I couldn't help the reflex action of turning my head while I sneezed.

"The one thing Katherine hates more than fingerprints on the glass." Edward smirked as I looked at my snot residue which splattered all across the glass wall.

"I'll clean that." I cringed.

"No, leave it. If you really are feeling up for a little tour…" Edward started.

"I finally get to see behind the glass?" I asked way too excited.

"Maybe. If you're good. Follow me."

Edward took me around his vast mansion. Even though it was built in a rectangular floor plan; I still didn't think I would be able to find my way back to any of the rooms. So far he had shown me a gym, his office, a whole game room, a library and an even bigger media room then the one he had downstairs. We weren't even through half the house when I became hungry.

"Come on, just tell me what you think is behind the glass. I won't laugh if you're wrong which I can already tell you; you will be." Edward was smug and I hated when he was right.

"Some kind of cameras?" I guessed.

"Nope." He laughed.

"You said you wouldn't laugh." I huffed.

"Sorry, I apologize. Go on."

I thought for a minute.

"Does it have something to do with…sports? Like some kind of an arena or court?" I only guessed that because I couldn't help but notice how much Edward had changed physically since I last saw him.

"No."

He was much larger and beefed up. I'd be lying if I didn't say that he looked rather good. I looked into the glass wall and saw my reflection and I hadn't changed one bit. I still looked like my old nerdy self from high school.

"Hey, what happened?" Edward stopped walking and I snapped out of it.

"Uh…nothing. What?" I was confused. What were we talking about again?

My stomach growled saving me from answering further as I grasped my stomach.

"Lunch should be ready. Ready to see what's behind the glass wall?" Edward smiled like a kid but he also had to take a breath which was something he used to do when he was nervous.

"Yep. All ready."

I forgot about my reflection wanting to put that on the back burner for now.

We walked down the stairs to the main entry way. I hadn't even noticed the first night when I was here that there was a beautiful etched glass door directly opposite from the main entrance door.

This was the entrance to the vast rectangular room that was looked down upon from nearly every room in this house.

"I was thinking maybe we could have lunch in here." Edward said with his hand on the gold door knob. "But first you have to trust me."

Boldly I walked up to him. Of course I trusted him.

I heard him open the door and through the door I could see absolutely nothing. Even inside it was still pitch black.

"Give me your hand." Edward took my hand and walked into the dark room. He carefully guided me however this is me we're talking about. I could barely walk without tripping when I could see where I was going.

I went stumbling into Edward's strong arms and he stopped my knees from hitting the ground.

"That's your fault. You know how clumsy I am." I huffed.

Edward laughed a little. I still couldn't see anything so I gave a small yelp when I felt myself being picked up. "I got you."

"Again with the picking up. Just because you have new muscles doesn't mean you need to keep showing them off." I grumbled.

"New muscles? I've had these muscles for some time now and I wasn't aware that you thought I was showing them off. I didn't realize you noticed them so much." He teased.

"Please just put me down already." I complained. I was embarrassed that I ever said anything. I didn't want Edward thinking I was checking him out…okay maybe I was checking him out but Edward is way out of my league so it wasn't like anything could ever happen there.

He finally set me down on my feet and I took notice of the squishiness my socked feet felt.

"Okay." Edward sighed.

"Edward…" I said cautiously still wondering why we were in complete darkness.

Suddenly I heard a noise overhead and watched as I could see the sky begin to appear. The sun slowly lighting up the whole area as the shadow descended down the glass walls and finally to the ground.

I was surrounded by flowers. Hundreds and hundreds of flowers. There was a large circular grass circle we were standing in and a path that led from the front glass door. With the light from the sun I could now see through the entire house.

My heart was racing. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I stood with my mouth open completely in awe.

"Edward…" I whispered.

"Do you like it?" He asked softly.

"It's like our…uh…the meadow."

Every glass wall had a rich wooden frame. I could see into the house and I wondered what it must look like being in the house and looking out. I imagine just as impressive.

"I designed this. I wanted to try to recapture the meadow we spent so much time at. It's not as great as the original…"

"This is truly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." I cut him off. "I can't believe it. How did you even accomplish something like this?"

"I'll tell you more over lunch." Edward went over and picked up a big blanket and spread it out.

"Are we having a picnic?" I asked with a smile on my face.

"So much better than the picnics we used to have." Edward replied.

When we would head out to the meadow when we were young we usually bought along a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a small snack size of chips each. Katherine walked in carrying a large tray and Edward ran over to take it from her as I went to sit myself down.

Edward placed the tray down between us.

"My goodness. This is a feast." I remarked.

"Yep and this is just the first tray of food." Edward replied.

"Edward, I can't eat all this." I replied looking at the tray which had for each of us a small salad, bowl of soup and some type of filet steak with veggies and a potato.

"Sure you can. I'm not going to make you race me. Take your time. Plus there's still dessert."

Overwhelmed I began with the soup. Edward started telling me about his design process for this house and how he went through several drafts before being content with the overall structure. He always knew he wanted to bring a piece of home with him but also wanted this house to be a haven from the notoriety he had gained.

Being successful and powerful at such a young age, Edward had quickly found that he became a target. People would try to use him. He was unable to have a successful relationship with any woman in the past because he was constantly worried about the motives of the women.

"So mostly I have tried to stay to myself. Of course I did my duties for my company and would go and attend functions when needed but I bought and designed this place so I could come and unwind and have no fear of anyone causing me problems while I was within these walls."

"But now you have to deal with me…"

"Bella, I don't have to deal with you. I have waited for so long for you to come here. I have thought about you every step when I went to design this house." Edward confessed.

"If you truly designed this house while thinking of me, you would have made it one story and the walls padded knowing of my clumsiness." I tried to dismiss his thoughtfulness.

"Stop joking. Tell me what you think. I have waited to hear whether or not you like this house." Edward pushed.

"But why? I mean…we only knew each other for less than two years. I just don't understand why you would care of my opinion. I have been out of your life for far greater than I have been in it."

"So you're telling me that in the past nine years…you never thought about me?" Edward asked solemnly.

I thought about him every single day. I thought about him even when I shouldn't have. I would think about him when I was cleaning. Imagining myself in a home we shared waiting for him to get home while I made dinner. I even imagined him when Jacob would climb on top of me and hold me down while he fucked me.

"Of course I thought of you." I whispered. Images haunting me of what I just thought about. "I love your house. You did a really great job. Even your office at Cullen International is beautifully designed."

"Thank you. It means the world to me." Edward said.

It started to get cold as the sun slowly moved west. I started to rub my arms.

"It's getting kind of late and we have work tomorrow…" I stated.

"Oh…yeah…I guess." Edward looked upset at the idea of having to go back to work.

"Why so sad. I imagine being in your position at work would be fun. I mean so better the high school, right? People have to listen and respect you." I teased.

"Well for the first time in years…I don't want to go to work. We should take a week off." Edward suggested.

"I can't afford to take a week off. I only have thirty dollars to my name. Speaking of which, what happened to my clothes the first night I was here. I left them in the sink…"

"Oh, well…they were pretty beat up. I just…I was just going to get you some new clothes." Edward replied.

"Wait, what do you mean? You still have them right?" I asked a tad excited.

"Uh…no…I think Katherine threw them away. I will buy you new clothes, Bella. The pants had holes in them and the shirt was torn…"

"Edward, why would you do that? My last bit of money was in those pants. You didn't even ask. What's the matter with you?" I jumped up from my spot on the blanket and started to hurry out of fake meadow.

"Bella." Edward called as he scrambled to get up. "Where are you going? I'm sorry."

"Where's your trash? I'm going to get my pants back." I snapped.

"Is this just about the money? I will pay you back." Edward pulled out his wallet. "How much?"

"No. I…you don't have to do that. Just show me where your trash cans are." I demanded.

"Stop it, Bella." Edward cut in front of me and grasped my arms to keep me from walking. "What does it matter if I give you the money? I took the money, let me pay you back."

"It's the principle. I don't need your money. I don't want you to buy me clothes. I don't want you to buy me anything. I already owe you more than I can ever repay you."

"You're talking nonsense. You don't owe me shit. Here. Take it. I don't care. I have more money than I ever fucking wanted." He pushed his wallet into my hands and stormed off leaving me on the entrance steps to fake meadow.

I walked into the entry way and placed his wallet down on a table. Edward and I could always get into some rather heated matches and afterward I always felt guilty and then scared. Back in high school after we had become friends a part of me was always worried that after one of these fights he would never come back or worse what if he managed to become popular and leave me behind. Stupid thoughts but I thought them.

I walked over to his main entrance door and punched in the code he gave me; six-one-zero…

The code.

June tenth two thousand and…four. It couldn't be a coincidence. I carried that date around in my head for far too long. No way Edward would make the code to his house the very same date I had my abortion.

I paused there not able to punch in the four, just lost in thought.

"One little fight and you're leaving?" Edward said from behind.

"Six-one-zero-four." I turned to him.

"The last day I ever saw you." He whispered.

Oh… that's right.

"Sorry, I…that date." I said with tears in my eyes.

"I'll change the code." Edward replied.

"No. It's fine. I should be reminded."

"Bella, you can't keep torturing yourself like this. It's not healthy. I'm not upset with you. I don't blame you and don't you think if you really believe that you should be punished for what you did…Jacob shouldn't be the one to punish you. If you really believe that; I should be the one to take that right."

"You're right." I whispered. I wronged Edward. Not Jacob.

"Then as punishment you have to not go out that door, Bella. Face me. No running from me anymore."

"That's not really…how this works." I mumbled.

"I'm not going to abuse you. I would never hit you. I want you to get over that idea this instant. If you really want to make this up to me; I want you to go and see Dr. Harper. Sit and talk with her. She has helped me immensely."

Another person who wanted me to talk. Why all the sudden were people trying to get me to open up about my past. The past nine years no one gave a damn about what my life was like. Now all the sudden in the course of a week that's all people wanted to focus on. Couldn't I just get on with my life already?

But I owed him. I owed him more than I could ever repay…even my own life wasn't worth much.

"Fine." I replied.

"Come upstairs with me." Edward asked.

I looked back at the door once more and sighed. Edward walked over to the stairs and waited for me. Together we walked up the twelve steps to the landing of the second floor. Now that it was dark once again I could barely see out the glass walls.

"It's a shame you can't see fake meadow all the time." I said softly.

"Fake meadow?" Edward shook his head. "I could put lights up in there I guess."

"No. I like it the way it is now. Kind of like a gift that you get to open every morning."

We reached the room I was staying in and on the bed were two different outfits.

"I don't want you to get upset with me. I pulled two different things to choose from for you to wear tomorrow. There's a whole closet full of clothes behind you but I don't want to fight with you so hopefully in time you will come to accept them." Edward explained.

"Also there are some essentials in the chest of drawers and if you can please just accept this for now, I promise with your fist paycheck I will take you shopping and if you want you can blow the whole check on whatever will make you happy."

"Edward…thank you but I don't want to use you. I just want to try and figure out how to do something on my own…something I can be proud of."

I truly did appreciate everything that Edward was doing for me but I was at someone's mercy for so long that now all I wanted in this world was to be independent. I would never get over owing Edward and every nice thing he did whether it was providing me with food or lodging or now clothes was one more thing on the list I had of things I needed to repay.

"It's getting late and I think it would be best if you have your heart set on going to work to arrive a little early since I…we didn't go to work on Friday. Good night, Bella."

Edward didn't even wait for me to respond before he left. I think I hurt his feelings. I would try to find some way to make it up to him tomorrow.

I climbed into bed after setting aside the two clothing options. My curiosity was driving me crazy, telling me to look into the closet but on the other side of my brain it kept telling me to be afraid.

While I was sick Edward would stay with me all through the day, leaving only to handle a couple of calls or go to the restroom. But at night he would leave usually after I fell asleep. Now I just stared up at the ceiling unable to count one damn sheep.

After an hour I kept telling myself to just snap out of it but no luck. I needed something. Deciding to creep down to the kitchen for a glass of milk was my only option. The house was much creepier and darker at night. There were no lights just the moon peaking through the windows. I clung to the walls and railings to get myself down to the first floor but now came the tough part. Remembering the path to the kitchen and getting there with hardly any lights.

I may have stubbed my toe at one point and ran my arm into wall but I managed to make it. There were an electronic panel to the left of the kitchen door; one of them must turn the lights on. Everything in this damn house was hooked into these electronic panels from what I had seen of Edward when he would go and press upon them.

I hit the first button and I could hear the roof begin to retract over the atrium. Worried the noise would wake Edward I pressed the next button hoping that it would stop it. Instead a voice came out over an intercom and said, "Alarm deactivated."

Shit.

The roof was still retracting and now there was a beeping noise that sounded like it could wake up the neighbors.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up." I whined.

Where the fuck are the damn lights I can barely see anything.

The lights turned on with the third button I pressed and I exhaled happy that I could at least stop working in the dark.

I could hear the clearing of a throat come from behind me.

Edward was on the other side of the kitchen next to a regular old light switch.

"Having issues?" he asked.

"You're stupid panel over here wasn't turning on the lights." I growled.

"Sorry, I haven't been able to update my technology. You'll have to settle for the old-fashioned light switch right behind you on the other side of the wall." He teased.

"I'm going to bed." I huffed. I was so embarrassed.

"Bella, wait." Edward called. "What are you doing up? It's really late. Don't you think you should be sleeping?"

"I don't need a babysitter. Geez." I rolled my eyes. Edward folded his arms across his strong….hard…chest. I think I was actually turning red. Cut it out Bella. Stop looking at him like that. I looked away and tried to play it off that I was just pissed but Edward just stood there staring at me.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" I snapped agitated.

"Tell me." He coaxed.

Tell him what? I couldn't tell him that I thought he may have physically grown even more attractive over the past few years. I cringed.

"Bella, did you want something? Was there a reason you were in the kitchen at eleven o'clock retracting my roof and de-activating the alarm?"

Oh… that's all.

I breathed a sigh of relief and brushed it off, "glass of milk was all."

"Okay, this way." He headed over to his impressive refrigerator and pulled the milk out. He grabbed a glass and poured some for me.

"You're acting weird." He said.

"Just…can't sleep." Well not a complete lie.

"Hope this helps."

Doubtful

I drank my milk and Edward reset his control panel and then made sure I was able to get back up to bed without incident. He left me at the door and mumbled a 'good night' before rushing off back to bed.

He was being weird. I couldn't understand what had happened to make him act so weird.

The next day wasn't any less awkward. We both sat in the back of the car as Seth drove us to work. I didn't know exactly how this was going to work out. Somehow I didn't think that it would be a good idea for Edward and I to work so close together especially in a subordinate role I played. But if it didn't work I would be sure to ask for a transfer straight away.

"Uh…here." Edward awkwardly handed me some cash. "Just to make up for throwing out you money the other night. You said thirty, right?"

I took the money and nodded. I didn't have a purse to put it in and the dress I wore didn't have any pockets. I could do the hoe thing and stuff it in my bra but the dress I was wearing was high collared and I didn't think it would be appropriate so I just held onto the money with my hand. I would barrow an envelope once we got to the office.

I said a good-bye and thank you to Seth before departing the car. I never did properly thank him for saving me a few nights ago. I should do that.

Edward walked at a brisk pace the moment we entered the building. People would constantly stop to try to say their good mornings.

"Edward…Mr. Cullen. I don't have my key pass. I left it at Rosalie's" I said as we approached the elevator.

We entered the elevator and no one would join us. Edward turned to me the moment the doors closed.

"You don't have to call me Mr. Cullen. I would prefer if you didn't."

He looked completely different. In that moment there was no trace of my best friend and suddenly I wondered if this place brought out a different side of Edward.

"Are you upset with me?" I asked.

"No. Just…have Alice take you down to human resources to get you another card." He huffed and then turned away from me.

The elevator door opened and he was off like a race horse. I followed behind trying to at least keep pace. Alice rose from her desk when she saw us.

"Alice, I need a minute." Edward barked and then walked in through his office doors without saying even a good morning. Alice looked at me for a couple of seconds.

"Now." Edward yelled from inside his office and Alice sprang into action.

Jessica was there already and was sitting back at her old desk…my desk.

"Didn't think you'd be back seeing how you missed your second day of work. So you and Edward? What are you some kind of relative?" She asked.

A relative would make some sense I guess. I shrugged my shoulders and decided to go toward the kitchen and grab myself some coffee. If I was going to have to put up with a grumpy Edward, I would do so caffeinated.

I was still carrying around my thirty dollars so I stopped by the supply room to pick up an envelope. When I came back around to the desks, Alice was still gone. I wasn't sure what files I needed to start working on and at the moment I had nowhere to even sit. I decided I best go and sit in the corner where Alice had put Jessica.

A few minutes later Alice finally came out the double doors and looked over to find me in my corner.

"Edward said you needed a new key card. Come on." Alice said.

I got up and followed her. The second we got into the elevator it was like a piñata had exploded. Alice was asking a thousand questions a mile a minute.

"Whoa, just….calm down." I said.

She took a breath, "So…what's going on? You just left. No call. Nothing. Rosalie feels just awful. Please say you'll come back. You don't have to stay with Edward."

"I know. I…I don't know what I am going to do right now. I told Edward I would stay but…I need some time to think."

"So…what were you and Edward? I mean I still don't really know what the hell happened on Thursday."

The elevator door opened and we continued walking on toward HR.

"We…used to be best friends. Back in high school. We were social outcasts together. I hadn't seen him in over nine years." I confided.

"What happened that would cause your friendship to end? I mean why didn't you remain friends?"

Alice was entering no go territory.

"It was senior year…you know how that goes."

"Were you two…ever…" she asked and I didn't know what to say.

"We were just good friends." I didn't want to tell her and honestly it wasn't her business. I mean I really liked Alice but I didn't feel like telling her about the time I got her boss drunk and then begged him to fuck me and oh yeah…then I killed his baby.

She could sense that I didn't want to share anymore so she dropped it for now.

"Well, I'm really glad you came back to work. I wasn't sure if you would. I'd like to take you for lunch if that would be okay."

"Of course. I'd love it."

We got my card all figured out and went back upstairs.

Alice and Jessica got back into it over the seating arrangements while I stood awkwardly in the corner. It was a whole morning ordeal. Finally I think the squabbling became so much that Edward came out.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Thank god, Mr. Cullen, Alice is trying to send me to the corner. She thinks she's the boss of me." Jessica whined.

"Alice is the boss of you. If she asked you to move your things to the corner then I suggest you do so."

"I don't need the desk. If it makes her happy to be there, really she can have it." I spoke up.

Edward's eyes flashed to mine.

"It has nothing to do about what anyone wants. It's about efficiency and productivity. Jessica will take the corner table and Bella will go sit in the desk." Edward snapped and then turned back toward his office.

I couldn't believe his attitude. What the hell was wrong with him?

I marched right through his office doors and decided to confront him.

"Is this how you treat people all the time? What happened to you? You never acted like this back in high school."

"That's because we're not in high school any more. I now run a multi-billion dollar company."

"Oh wow a multi-billion dollar company?" I sang sarcastically. "Do they pay you well because if I were you, I might want to take some of that multi-billion dollar money and buy some manners." I spit.

"When we are at home you are my friend but here you're my employee so start acting like it." Edward growled.

I can't even remember when I was so upset with a person before. I could feel my skin becoming hot and for the first time I wanted to hit him. I mean like really hit him.

"You're right, Mr. Cullen. My apologies, sir." I bowed and then turned to storm out.

"Bella, wait. Come here." He ordered.

"I'm going on my lunch break." I snapped. I slammed the door behind me as I exited.

Okay, that was unprofessional.

"Alice, are you ready?" She looked at me in shock but snapped out of it to gather her purse.

Edward managed to open his door and practically growled at me. "Bella, I told you to come back. I want to speak to you."

"I said I was going to lunch. I'm pretty sure that in the great state of California there is some kind of law that permits me to do so. Right, Alice?" I looked over to Alice for confirmation. She nodded her head.

"She's right." Alice confirmed.

"I don't want you going out with her." Edward ordered.

"Hey, what's wrong with me?" Alice whined offended.

"You're starting to remind of Jacob." I could immediately tell that my words affected Edward. "You don't get to tell me what to do, who to eat with, or how I choose to live my life." I turned to Alice, "Let's go."

I wouldn't hear any more from Edward. I couldn't believe how he was acting towards me. Was this what I had turned him into? Was all of this my fault? Edward Masen was always so kind to me and others. There were times when he would get upset or mad but he never treated anyone like they were inferior.

As Alice drove us out from under the skyscraper that was Cullen International I finally started to wonder if I had made the right choice for Edward nine years ago.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you for taking the time to read and review. Happy Hunger Games for all my HG friends. Can't wait for tonight!


	11. Chapter 11

**EPOV**

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

I watched as Bella walked into the elevator and the doors close behind her and Alice. She said I was like Jacob. I was nothing like that asshole. How could she even think that? What if she never came back? What if Alice talked her into moving back in with that Rosalie?

I could feel my chest tighten. Suddenly it was like I couldn't breathe.

"Seth." I barked into my phone. "I need to go somewhere. Be ready with the car."

I didn't even wait to hear a response. I hung up the phone and tried to put all my focus into getting down to the lobby. I needed air.

Oh god. What if she was gone? What if I never saw Bella again?

I climbed into the car, "Dr. Harper's office, now."

I focused on my breathing and pushed any thoughts of Bella out of my mind. If I started to think about her leaving I could become violent.

When I arrived at the doctor's office, I didn't even acknowledge the receptionist.

"Mr. Cullen, you can't go in there. The doctor is with a patient." I heard her anxiously tell me but I didn't care.

"Edward." Dr. Harper exclaimed when I busted through her door.

"I'm sorry but I had to see you. I need you…I need…I can't breathe…"

"I am with a patient." She scolded.

"You know what, Dr. Harper go ahead…he looks like he needs you more than I do right now." This girl who couldn't be more than twenty said standing up from the couch.

She pulled the door closed as she left. Dr. Harper did not look pleased.

"You can't come in here whenever you feel like it, Mr. Cullen." She started.

"This is an emergency…I…feel…" I couldn't get out the words. My fists started shaking.

"All right, let's calm down Edward." She soothed. "Have a seat…let's work through this."

I sat down on the couch and continued to focus on my breathing but it wasn't helping.

"Edward, what happened?" she asked.

"Bella."

I couldn't even start to talk. I was so angry.

"Okay, go to your meadow. Picture yourself there. No one is around. Just you and the wind and the trees and the flowers. Can you do that?"

I nodded and did as I was told. My meadow…Bella and my meadow.

"I'm sorry." I whispered after a couple of moments.

"Are you feeling a little better?"

I nodded my head slowly.

"Okay, what set it off?"

"Bella…she said I reminded her of Jacob. I…I'm nothing like that asshole. I would never hurt her." I started to get agitated again.

"Edward, calm. Who is Jacob?" Dr. Harper pushed.

"He's her ex fiancé. He abused the shit out of her. I found out when she came here and even when I start to think about how he hurt her it makes me want to….grrrrghh." I yelled out in frustration jumping up from the couch like I was about to hit something. "I am this close to jumping on my plane and going up there to take care of the problem."

"Edward, you know you can't do that anymore. You were lucky before only getting off with a fine and court ordered visits with me. You go up there and it will be so much worse. Let's work through this. Why would Bella tell you that you reminded her of her ex?"

I sighed and sat back down trying to calm myself once more.

"She…she was upset with me…I was an asshole. I don't even know what happened. We got into a fight last night over money and she…she's just always so damn stubborn. She never lets me just help her. I want to help her. Why can't she just accept the things I give her? I have more than enough money, it's not like she'll be taking food out of my mouth by accepting some clothes or food or lodging. All I have ever wanted was to be successful so that I could take care of her."

"What about what Bella wants? Do you care about her enough to respect what she may want?"

"I don't know what she wants." I whispered.

I wanted her to want me. Everything I have done in my life after meeting her; I did it for her.

"I think that is a problem. If you care about her the way you say you do then you need to talk to her. Find out what it is she wants and needs from you. You can't expect her to just jump into your arms and wait for you to pay for everything. Women who have been in abusive relationships are controlled in nearly every single part of their lives; they often seek finding their own independence. She has agreed to live with you but as her friend, you can't put her back into the same situation. Your intentions I'm sure are good but try to see this from her point of view. She is away from Jacob and finally able to make decisions for herself. She needs to find value in herself once again and she can't do that if you just provide everything for her, she wants to work for it."

I sat there letting Dr. Harper's words sink in. Of course I cared for Bella, I loved Bella. I didn't want her to feel controlled. I couldn't help that over the past nine years I had become controlling. It was what got me to where I am today.

"Dr. Harper, I have to confess something. The other night, the night before you came to see us…I…I had a relapse."

"Edward." Dr. Harper sighed.

"I know. I'm sorry…but…Bella was in trouble. She was living in a dangerous part of LA and she was accosted by three guys. My valet took care of two of the men but when I saw one of them hold Bella and threaten to break her neck…something snapped inside of me and to be honest if Bella hadn't screamed I probably would have…"

I put my head in my hands.

"I understand that having Bella in that situation could bring that side out however I know you love this girl. She's going to find out eventually about your past. I would hope you would tell her before she found out from some other source. I know you have hopes of building a relationship and if that is what you both want then both of you need to be honest about the past nine years. I want you to work on this. The next time you start to go down that path of violence I want you to picture Bella and hopefully you can overcome that need. Would she be happy if she knew what you had done? It's not worth it. If you love her then going out and seeking violence isn't worth it, is it?"

Silence.

I thought back to Bella's face when I was just about to make sure her attacker would never attack again. She looked frightened but not frightened of the situation. She was frightened of me.

I never wanted to see that face again.

"I just wanted to protect her." I replied softly.

"You can't go back to high school and make it right." Dr. Harper said.

We had made a complete circle. The reason why Dr. Harper ever asked me who Bella Swan was in the first place.

Dr. Harper was trying to search for the key to my past that had made me what I was today. Not Edward Cullen the successful capitalist. She wanted to find out why I was focused on searching out individuals for a good fight.

It started five years ago when I was first out of college. I was still pretty nerdy and I'm sure a gust of wind would have knocked me over but while I spent time starting my company and building it, I put time into building myself as well. I hired a nutritionist to help beef me up and a personal trainer. I trained in nearly every martial art style I could find. I trained in weapons. Anything where I would never be weak again. I wanted people to fear me. And it was all because I couldn't get out of my mind what happened to Bella the last day of school before winter break.

I had been waiting around by her locker after school had ended. She usually was very prompt as P.E. was a subject she tried to hurry out of but today she wasn't showing. Finally I decided to trace back the path I knew she would have taken to the gym lockers.

I waited and waited searching around for her while the student body dispersed from the campus for the holidays. I finally had enough so I went into the girl's locker room.

_"Bella."_ I called out.

I could hear a shower running and knew I should probably just leave but I needed to know so I walked down the rows of lockers and she was nowhere in sight. I continued on finally to the showers.

_"Bella?" _

_"Edward…"_ I could hear her say through a trembling voice.

_"Are you okay?"_ I didn't want to go around the shower wall afraid she was naked.

_"No…I…everything hurts."_ She whimpered.

I took a towel that had been sitting on the side and threw it into her shower.

_"Here, I'm coming around."_

I gave her a couple moments to place the towel around her private areas. I walked around cautiously and saw her sitting on the tiled floor to the shower.

_"Oh my god, what happened?"_ I gasped and practically jumped toward her. I turned off the shower heads and crouched down beside her.

_"I…don't want…to talk about it."_ She said shivering.

_"Let me get you a dry towel and your clothes. What locker is yours?" _I wouldn't dwell on the how and the why. I needed to get her dressed.

_"My clothes…they're over there."_ She pointed and I turned around to see them sitting in the shower across the way completely drenched. I know knew one hundred percent that this wasn't something as simple as falling in the shower. She was bullied in here.

She didn't have a dry thing to wear so I started to pull my jacket off and wrap it around her. I turned away so she could put it on fully and zip it up. Now I just needed some bottoms for her to wear.

_"Can you stay here? I'll go to my locker and get my gym pants."_ I jumped up and ran off to my locker. I tried to hurry as I didn't want her to have to sit in that dank cold shower for long.

I arrived back practically winded from the run and handed her my gym pants.

_"Edward, I…can't get up. My wrists are sore from trying to break my fall…I…I think I sprained them."_

_"Okay, I'll help you_." I went to pull her up and she helped as much as she could but she had to keep the towel across her waist so I had to use all my might which was pathetic since she only weighed like a hundred pounds.

I turned away after I helped steady her so she could put the pants on. Afterwards I gathered up her wet clothes and carried them with both of our book bags to my car. I helped her in before throwing our stuff into the back and then put the heater up on max. She had to be freezing, my god it was December.

_"What happened?" _

_"I don't want to talk about it. Just forget it."_ She whispered looking out her window. I drove on toward her house.

_"I don't care. Tell me."_ I demanded.

She sighed. _"Lauren…I…accidently hit her in volleyball and she lost her balance and landed on the ground. Everyone laughed and I apologized profusely but…"_ she wiped a tear from her eye as I pulled into her driveway. _"Sometimes, I really hate being me."_

_"Bella, Lauren's a bitch…come on."_ I tried to cheer her up but it was a rather pathetic attempt. _"What did she do to you?" _

_"I was taking my shower and she came in and pushed me full force. I slipped and she said that if I ever made her look like an ass again she would beat the shit out of me next time. Guess I got off fairly light."_

I could feel myself become hot. I couldn't believe that girls where just as horrible as guys were. What's wrong with people in this world? I wanted to hit Lauren. I knew that I should never hit a girl but she hurt my friend and now all I wanted to do was make sure she'd never hurt Bella again.

_"I should probably get going."_ She said and placed her hand on the door handle.

_"Bella, don't let this ruin our winter break. I will be by tomorrow with the Godfather trilogy just as planned…I'll even bring you your favorite."_

She nodded but didn't say a word. She just got out of my car and walked on up to her front door. It killed me to see her like this. I will admit part of me had horrible visions of her doing something stupid like killing herself. In that day it was becoming common for teens who were bullied to kill themselves. No one understood what if felt like to be ostracized and picked on every single day.

I drove on to my house completely in rage for what had happened to my friend. I could see as I passed that there was a group of the popular kids outside at the local diner. Fueled by my anger I made a stupid decision.

_"Lauren."_ I called out as I jumped out of my Volvo.

Everybody turned to see me stand there. I slammed my car door and started to approach.

_"What the fuck do you want?"_ She laughed.

She was surrounded by a sea of her worshipers who laughed along with her.

_"Leave Bella Swan alone. She has done nothing to you."_ I said through gritted teeth.

_"The fact that she exist is more than enough. What do you care? Is she your little girlfriend?"_ She taunted.

_"Lauren, if you ever hurt her again…"_ I started to threaten.

_"What are you going to do about it? Are you threatening my girl?"_ Tyler stood up from the outside table and started to approach me.

Then I did something incredibly stupid.

_"Just keep your bitch in line." _

It took exactly five seconds…

Three for Tyler to work through what I said. One second for him to pull his fist back and the last second for it to connect with my face.

I didn't make it over to the Swan house the next day for our Godfather trilogy. By the time that Tyler was through with me I was lucky I could even make it to my car. I was covered in my own blood and I was sure that it would have been worse if not for the waitress who came running out of the diner and said she would call the cops if we all didn't leave this instant.

I spent the next week in bed trying to heal from my wounds. My parents were of course upset and started to wonder if they should transfer me to a different school but I told them that if they did that I would leave. I wasn't about to leave Bella.

Over the past nine years I found a way to direct my anger. Not exactly in a healthy manner as Dr. Harper would point out over and over again but it helped me and in some small way I kind of hoped that it helped others.

When I was caught…I got off light since it was my first offense and well I did manage to save that girl from being raped. However the prosecution tried to link me to other incidents in the area since I did have a signature but since the evidence was circumstantial my lawyer managed to plea out on self-defense even though the man I was caught attacking was defenseless long before the cops arrived.

That was a couple of years ago and since then I have been a good little citizen…at least that's what the fine peacekeepers of Los Angeles have been lead to believe.

"Edward, I think if you and Bella are to have a successful friendship then you need to learn patience and practice listening to her. I recommend that when you leave here and go and see her you should start with an apology and then listen to what she has to say and how it makes her feel when you try to control her. Do. Not. Get. Upset. With. Her. Listen, Edward."

I would. I would listen to Bella and beg her to give me another chance. I would do anything for Bella.

When I left Dr. Harper's office I could instantly feel myself become anxious. I prayed when I returned to the office that the time apart will have cooled us both down. As the elevator at Cullen International rose higher and higher I practically felt a full-blown panic attack come on as I had visions of Bella's empty desk and Alice stating that she jumped on a bus and left town.

"Jessica, where is everyone?" I demanded.

There was no Alice and no Bella.

"Uh…I think Alice took Bella home. Said something about needing to leave…or something."

Idiot! Damn this woman couldn't even relay a simple message.

I could feel myself trembling as I turned from my place and headed back down.

"So does this mean I can leave too?" Jessica called after me.

I practically shook the walls with my roar of frustration and I didn't wait around to see if Jessica got the message.

I focused on my breathing. On my meadow.

"Oh God, please. Please." I prayed standing alone in the elevator car.

I jumped back into the backseat of my car. "Go to the shelter. The one Bella stayed at."

I was practically shaking the whole car with my jittery leg I was so nervous. We pulled up in front of My Sister's Helper and I tore out of the car and stormed up the stairs.

Calm Edward. You can't win her back if you go all crazy on her.

I struggled to knock nicely.

"What are you doing here?" That Rosalie answered the door.

"Is she here? Where is she?" I barked.

"Don't take that tone with me. I'm not your employee and even if I was I still wouldn't put up with your shit. You're lucky that Alice is practically a saint."

"Just tell me where Bella is?" It took everything in me to not yell at her.

"She's not here. I tried to talk her into coming back but…you're a lucky man. If you had treated me the way I heard you treated Bella I would have socked you in the nuts. Bella is at your place."

Instant relief. I breathed out and my body sagged into the door frame.

"You two must have had quite the friendship for her to give you another chance…don't waste it." She turned and went back into her house closing the door in my face.

I stumbled back to the car and slowly sat back down in the back seat.

"Where to, sir?" Seth asked.

"Uh…home….wait go to a flower shop. I need to pick up something…wait no go to McDonald's."

I knew Bella wasn't going to look at any flowers I brought her. I needed to bring an offering that reminded her of our past. Something that told her that I cared enough to remember her favorite.

When I returned home I cautiously walked into the front door wondering just what I was going to find. Where would Bella be?

"Welcome home, sir. Can I bring you something?" Katherine asked as she approached me to take my McDonald's bags.

"No. I…will keep the McDonald's. Can you tell me where Bella is? She is here, right?" I asked unsure.

"Yes, sir. I believe Miss Swan is in your library."

Again I breathed out a sigh of relief and started up the stairs to the third floor. I noticed that the roof over the courtyard was retracted but it was getting dark and soon you wouldn't be able to see anything.

I entered the library quietly and could see Bella curled up on a couch with a book in her hand. She looked up at me the moment I stepped into the room and started to sit up.

"Uh…I brought your favorite." I said thrusting the Vanilla ice cream and bag of French fries out to her.

She didn't say anything. She just stared at me as I slowly walked forward with my offering in my hands.

"Bella, I wanted to apologize for my behavior this afternoon. I was a jerk and I hope you can at least talk with me so that we can fix this."

She looked at the bag of McDonald's in my hands and after a long couple of seconds she finally reached up and took them from me.

"Thank you." She replied quietly.

I sat down in a chair across from her and was happy that she was at least communicating with me.

She pulled the French fries from the bag and started to dip them in her ice cream. I couldn't help but cringe.

"Really? After all the times I have done this, you still think it's disgusting?" She rolled her eyes.

"It's just…wrong."

"You can't say that because you've never tried it. It's salty meets sweet, what could go wrong?"

"Soggy fries." I stated.

She sat there eating the treat I bought for her.

"So…I'm waiting." She said.

"For what? I already apologized."

"For you to explain why you turn into an incredible douchebag when you're at work. I understand the need to maintain this strong powerful role you play but you crossed the line and from what I hear, you do so often. You shouldn't treat people like that. I have to say that…if you continue to do so…I don't think I can be friends with you. At least…you're not the friend I once had."

She looked genuinely upset and I knew that all of Dr. Harper's words were right. I was scared. She talked not only of leaving me but not even being friends with me.

"I'm sorry." I apologized once more.

"I understand but I'm worried that you'll do the same thing all over again tomorrow."

"I won't…I promise. It's hard Bella. I…for so long I was this weak reject who no one respected and I'm afraid to go back to that."

"Well to be honest I liked you a lot more back then. I didn't think you were weak in fact I thought you were strong. Much stronger than you are now."

She paused and set her French fries and ice cream to the side. "People think that we were the weak ones because physically we were unable to defend ourselves but it's taken a lot of time for me to realize that we weren't the weak ones, our bullies were. I hate to say this but after what I witnessed today you became my worst fear. You became one of the bullies. I used to be afraid back in high school that you would become popular. I knew that you came from money and I knew that if the popular kids ever found out then they would recruit you and you would leave me or worse you become just like them. The way you treated me today in your office, you made me feel bullied all over again."

My heart broke listening to her and seeing her eyes brim with tears. For the first time today I now understood the comparison of me to Jacob.

"Bella, I…I don't know what to say other than I am so sorry. I wish you could understand just how horrible I feel for ever making you feel like that. I was mad at you…"

She looked taken aback.

"I went and saw Dr. Harper today. I had to talk to someone because I knew I fucked up and was scared you would leave me. She helped me work out a lot of my issues. Yesterday with our argument, it carried over to today. I was upset because I just wanted you to let me help you. I wanted you to do what I would tell you to do. Whether that was accepting money or any other help I could provide but Dr. Harper explained to me that if I cared about you I should respect your wishes and let you figure stuff out on your own. I was controlling and disrespectful to you. I have trouble because I know I can just fix whatever issue you have. Money, clothing, food, whatever your heart desires I can give it to you but…I now know that, that is what you may not need from me."

"Thank you…but you fucked up pretty bad, you know that right?" she asked with a small smile on her face.

"I did." I agreed.

"So…one would say that you owe me."

"Where are you going with this?" I asked. I could see the deviousness brewing in her eyes.

"Do you agree that you owe me?" she pushed.

"Okay, I'll bite. I owe you."

If she would forgive me it would be worth whatever she had devised.

Bella picked up her fries and her now melted ice cream. "Try it."

"Awe come on. The ice cream isn't even ice cream anymore." I complained.

"Well it's not my fault you needed to take so long with your speeches of apology." She said waving a French fry in front of me.

I loved this Bella. Playful Bella.

"Fine. If it will obtain your forgiveness…" I rolled my eyes and picked up the fry and dipped into the melted ice cream.

"More. Not just the tip."

Don't think dirty, Edward.

I put the fry in more and pulled it out of the dripping goo. Cringing I stuffed it into my mouth and swallowed it whole.

"It's not a worm, Edward. You're supposed to chew it."

"Hey you never said how I was to eat it. I think we're done here." I picked up another fry and dipped it into the ice cream. Bella smiled up at me shocked that I would think to try it again.

"Liked it?" She giggled.

I flicked it at her. It landed in her hair.

"Dammit Masen." She huffed and jumped up. "You got it all in my hair."

I couldn't stop laughing at her. She dipped her hand into the cup and before I could react she slapped me lightly in the face with her melted ice cream covered fingers.

"You're so gonna get it now." I said wiping the ice cream away from my eyes.

She took off running, screaming through the house as I chased after her. Our food forgotten in the library.

I caught up to her and easily picked her up. She was squealing the whole time.

"Okay, okay…put me down." She tried to surrender but I wasn't done with her yet.

"No way. I think you are in desperate need of a bath." I trotted down the stairs with her.

"What are you going to do? You better not." She started threatening.

"Edward, I'm being serious."

I walked through the door to my indoor spa and gym and held her over the water.

"Edward, stop it. This isn't funny anymore." She wasn't really pissed, this was Bella fake pissed.

I dropped her down and she screamed the whole way.

She came up from the water and started screaming.

"Edward Masen….Cullen I'm going to get you back for that."

"Calm yourself down, Princess. It's just a little water."

She splashed me as hard as she could.

"Oh you missed my face, would you mind trying again?" I taunted by lowering my face down to her. She didn't disappoint as she splashed me again hard.

I don't know if two people ever had to work so hard at being friends but I wasn't working hard to be just Bella's friend. I would never stop working at being a better man for her. I wanted everything that I had pictured nine years ago. I wanted her to be my wife.

* * *

**AN: WISHING YOU HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOURS!**


	12. Chapter 12

**BPOV**

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

I don't think I have ever been more upset with Edward then I was after I saw the way he treated people now. Not even the kidnapping or finding out that he was my secret admirer because I could justify all of those actions as being from the heart.

However seeing how he would yell at his employees and growl at them made me horribly sadden by what he has turned into. How could my best friend be…some kind of monster? I think back to all the times in high school when he was so dear to me and so thoughtful and respectful to others. I used to think that his parents had done a great job especially after looking around at the male population of the student body and how poorly they had turned out.

But he apologized and I sincerely believed every word he said to me. I wondered if both Edward and I had been damaged so greatly by our days in school and the bullies that we faced. I couldn't help but think on Rosalie's words to me…

Edward turned to anger as a way to deal with our past. I wasn't angry but maybe I wasn't strong either. What if Rosalie had been right? What if I couldn't allow myself to fathom what Jacob did to me because I wasn't ready?

I laid there in the bed Edward provided me and stared up at the ceiling thinking back to my lunch from earlier that day.

_"Uh…Bella, I really hope you don't kill me."_ Alice cringed as she drove on toward the restaurant.

_"Alice, I'm not going to kill you. What's up?"_

_"Well, I kinda sorta maybe invited Rosalie to join us." _She continued cringing.

_"That's okay, Alice. I owe her an apology."_ I sighed.

_"Well, she feels awful. I really hope you two can work this out."_ Alice added.

_"I'm sure we will."_

Alice pulled the car into a parking lot of a cute little Mexican restaurant. We both got out of the car and went inside where Rosalie was already holding down a table for us. She stood up as we came over.

_"I hope you don't mind if I join you. I just really wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the other night. I never should have come at you like that. I know better." _

_"Rosalie, I'm sorry. I just…you were so nice to me and I acted ungrateful. I'm sorry."_ I replied.

_"No Bella, you have nothing to apologize for."_ She took a hold of my hands.

_"That's not true…"_

_"Okay, you're both sorry. Now can we margarita this shit up?"_ Alice huffed.

We all three sat down with a laugh.

_"Damn Alice, what got into you?"_ Rosalie asked.

_"Well….Edward…."_ Alice stopped herself and looked over to me.

_"Alice, you can say it. I don't care. Edward was an asshole today." _I stated. I could tell that Alice for the first time seemed nervous complaining over Edward. I didn't want her to think I would just run off and tell him. I wasn't that kind of person.

_"What's new?"_ Rosalie said waving her hand up in the air to get the waiter's attention.

_"Although, I really did think he would try to tone it down for…well you."_ She added looking at me.

_"No. It doesn't matter how long you know someone apparently he's an asshole to all kinds but it does bother me. Edward was never like this before. I mean don't get me wrong he was rather impatient back in the day and of course he had bad days but he was always kind and respectful. I just don't know what happened to him."_ I confided.

_"What did he do today?"_ Rosalie inquired.

Alice and I looked between one another.

_"Well, mostly it was his arrogance that bothered me. He…made me feel…like a bottom dweller."_ I sighed and picked up a tortilla chip.

_"Bella, don't be sad. I love that you stood up to him. I'm really proud of you." _Alice squeezed my hand.

_"I know but I feel just awful calling him Jacob. Did you see his face? I knew that he hated Jacob and I think I said that because I wanted to hurt him…what kind of horrible person am I?"_

_"I don't think you're a horrible person. Edward needs to understand that he can't treat people the way he does. There's no excuse for it and maybe you are the best thing that could ever happen to him because you just might be the person who can reach him."_ Alice replied.

_"Bella, did…Jacob ever hit you?"_ Rosalie cringed asking the question.

I stared at the salsa not really knowing if or how I should answer that. _"He…"_

_"You don't have to answer…but do you think Edward would ever…hit you?"_ Rosalie asked.

_"What? No! I mean he has told me that he would never even though he probably should. I have wronged Edward in so many ways. I could never earn his forgiveness."_

_"But that's what I'm trying to tell you, Bella. There is nothing you could ever do on this planet that would justify a person abusing you. I don't care if you have robbed a bank or killed a person…there are ways to be punished that are far more humane. If you committed a crime you would go to jail…not be beaten up by a person. And I highly doubt you committed a crime."_

_"I did something far worse. I took advantage of Edward."_ I closed my eyes trying to keep my tears locked up inside. _"I killed his baby."_ I whispered.

I finally was able to open my eyes and look upon Rosalie and Alice who sat there with tears in their own eyes.

_"I had an abortion…I was in high school and I wanted better for him. Edward was incredible. He was smart and charismatic if you could believe. I truly believed that he was going to be someone. If I kept that baby, he would have been tied down to me and our life in Forks and over one silly drunken night."_

_"Does he know?"_ Alice asked softly.

_"Yeah…apparently he's known for quite some time even after all my efforts of keeping it from him."_

_"Was he mad?"_ Rosalie asked.

_"I…I don't know. He said he was more upset that I didn't tell him. I should have told him instead of just breaking off our friendship. I killed something so innocent. I deserve every punishment god has for me."_

_"Bella, please come back to My Sister's Helper. I know that we can help you. I have been where you have been. It took me a long time and lot of friends and family to help me get where I am today. I know how you feel. I promise if you come back, I won't pressure you to tell your story, when you're ready then you're ready."_ Rosalie said.

_"Thank you but I told Edward I would stay with him as long as he said it was okay. I…I owe him a lot and I miss my friendship with him. I know that you see Edward as this overbearing tyrant but I know what Edward is capable of and I have to believe that there is still goodness there. He just…I just have to have patience."_

_"Okay, if you think that's best but you are still welcome at the house anytime you need us, we'll be there. Even if you have questions or just need someone to talk to, everyone who lives at the house can relate to you and just being around women who understand me has helped me so much. But you're not ready. I understand that. When you're ready to face your past, we'll be there. Please just promise me…that you won't go back. Please don't ever think that going back to Jacob is a good idea."_

_"I don't ever want to go back to Jacob. I didn't love him. He needs to find someone who will love him and that he will love in return. I just want to move on with my life and figure out what's best for me."_

Would I ever truly be able to move on from the past nine years? Since I have been in Los Angeles, it seems my past is all anyone wants to talk about. How could I move on if people kept dredging it up?

I turned over and saw that the clock on my bedside table read a little past one in the morning. I felt like sleep would never come. I had enough. I needed to figure out some way for me to get my mind off things so that I could finally find sleep. I climbed out of bed and turned on the light.

Maybe I could manage a successful trip to the kitchen for a glass of milk. I wrapped a blanket around me and started on the path that I had managed to memorize. It was one of the only rooms I succeeded in remembering where it was.

The house was mighty creepy at this time. Hardly any light and I was afraid to turn on one for fear of waking Edward so I had to feel my way down the stairs which I did more accurately this time around since I didn't stub my toes or ram my arm into a wall. As I reached the kitchen I could hear something. It was faint but it was there. It sounded like grunting and groaning.

It became louder and louder as I abandoned my thoughts of warm milk and walked on slowly searching for the sound. A door with just a small crack of light coming from it was were I ended up; it was the gym. I couldn't help myself as I peeked through the crack and saw Edward sparing with a sturdy punching bag.

It was amazing watching him. His strong broad shoulders glistening with a nice sheen of sweat. The way his feet gracefully danced around as he would go from punching the bag to kicking it. The muscles in his legs and arms had me in awe. He was in a zone. He looked like nothing could touch him and for a moment I was positively envious. I wished I could be like that, untouchable.

Suddenly Edward reached back and using all his might he slammed into the bag with his fist letting off a guttural roar. It scared me for an instant and I think I must have yelped slightly because Edward's head snapped toward the door and I managed to back away quickly and quietly trying to place as much distance from myself and that door.

I hauled ass back to the kitchen and practically slid right into the refrigerator trying to put myself back on task, hoping that Edward didn't see me. My heart was racing, partly from Edward's display of athleticism and partly because I was worried that he caught me peeking in on him.

I pulled open the door to the refrigerator and took a moment to feel how nice the coolness filled me. I hadn't even realized that I worked up a small sweat. Finally I pulled the milk jug out and closed the refrigerator door. As I shut it, Edward was right there.

I gasped and clutched my chest as the milk jug went crashing to the floor.

"Holy mother of penguins. Dammit Edward, you scared the shit out of me." I yelled.

The milk was all over the kitchen tile mixed with the glass from the jug.

"Don't move. Why don't you have shoes on?" Edward spat as he went to grab a mop and bucket.

"Why would I wear shoes to come to the kitchen? Besides you're not wearing shoes." I started to tippy toe my way around.

"I said don't move, Bella. I don't want you cutting your feet. I can handle it if I cut my feet."

"Why would you have a glass jug anyway? What are we in the nineteen fifties? Does a milk man still deliver this?" I huffed.

"Why are you yelling at me? I like the way it tastes when it's in a glass jug. It tastes better." He retorted mopping around me.

I was embarrassed and embarrassingly enough, misdirection was something I was famous for when I was embarrassed. I think Edward was used to my arguments I would inflict upon him.

"Well…you shouldn't sneak up on people. It's rude." I argued.

"Okay, pot." He smirked using a nickname I hated.

"Don't call me that!" I started to stomp my foot.

"Don't do that." Edward reprimanded me. "I'm still not finished." He sighed and dropped the mop and came over to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he got closer.

"I can't clean up properly knowing that you are going to step on a piece of glass any moment." He replied and then picked me up with ease.

"Ugh, more with the picking up." I rolled my eyes trying to not be impressed with Edward's strength.

"Well then stop putting yourself in dangerous situations." He replied setting me down over at the entrance to the kitchen on the carpet.

He went back to finish moping.

"So, why were you spying on me?" he asked.

"I wasn't spying on you. I heard a noise so I was just trying to figure out what it was." I defended.

"Bella, how many horror movies have we watched over the years? And how many start off with a person hearing a noise and then going and investigating said noise?"

"And here I thought all that money you put into such a high-tech security system would keep me safe." I sassed.

"Whatever, you were spying and you know it. I mean once you saw it was me…why didn't you just come in?" he raised an eyebrow.

Damn he had me.

"I didn't want to disturb…you looked very intense."

"You could have interrupted. It wasn't like I was practicing weapon training."

"Weapon training?" I asked.

"Yeah…wanna see?" Edward asked with a gleam in his eye.

"I don't know. I don't want to get hurt." I replied uneasy.

"Bella, do you really think I would ever put you in any kind of danger?"

"No..but…I mean this is me we're talking about. Danger finds me."

"Come on. That's bull shit. You just need work on your core. Find your balance. You will find that is all in your head."

He took my hand and pulled me along back to his gym. He left me in the center of the room and went over to the wall to press a code into his panel. Suddenly the wall rose up and a light panel came on to display his massive collection of weapons.

Everything from swords to throwing stars to…well things I didn't even know what they were or what they did. I was almost in a trance of all the shiny sharp objects in front of me. I was compelled to move toward them to get a closer look.

"Hold it right there." Edward voice woke me. "You see the matt. You don't leave the matt while the panel is down. I don't want you anywhere near them until you've been trained properly."

I rolled my eyes. "Like I will ever be trained properly."

"I mean it Bella. Your pretty little toes aren't to leave that matt." Edward picked up a couple of knives and went to stand in front of his target. With ease he hit every single mark.

"How did you do that? How could you possibly learn that in the short time we were apart?" I asked fascinated.

"The time wasn't short and I had absolutely nothing better to do with what free time I did have." He answered with a shrug.

"Don't you have any friends? Girl friends? I mean you must have had some sort of social life."

"I never really wanted any…I…you were my only friend. Girls?" he shook his head. "That was a disaster, so eventually I gave that up too."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Edward who had money by the boat loads was lonely. I was lonely too but I hadn't changed much from high school. Edward had changed quite a bit. He had changed into a rather attractive, strong and rich man. Things that made it rather easy to be surrounded by friends a plenty.

"Do you…ever wish you were in high school what you are today?" I asked. It was a stupid question. I know if I were him, I would want that."

"No." he answered instantly.

"Why? I would…if I were you of course."

Edward sighed and walked over to put his knives back.

He turned back to me. "Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes even the shittiest things happen but it's for a reason. If I had been rich or powerful when I was back in high school or even athletic then I probably would have never met you. I would take every single torturous thing I have been through all over again as long as I met you."

I couldn't understand why he would say that.

"Me? But…why? I…was a loser. A nerd. A geek. I couldn't dress myself. I never wore makeup. I don't even know if you could call me a girl."

Edward stared at me. I could see his eyes almost shake. It was kind of weird.

"Would you go back to high school, being what you are today?" he finally asked.

"Well…not much has changed for me. Still a nerd or geek who can't really dress themselves except with the help from you or Alice and I'm pretty sure if my breasts hadn't come in I probably would barely pass for a girl." I laughed.

"GOD! WHAT? Just…" Edward threw his hands up in the air and started to walk away. "WHAT?" he bellowed toward the ceiling.

"What…what?" I asked confused.

He turned back to me and he looked upset.

"What happened to you? You used to be so intelligent. Hell, you were top of your class. What happened to you?"

"Well, first off…you were top of our class. I don't really understand why you're getting so upset."

"Bella, you…." He paused and came over to me. "Even when we were bullied as kids, you never talked about yourself the way you do now. You're smarter than this. I hate when you put yourself down. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you…you're not a loser and yes you are a woman…an amazingly beautiful one at that. The only thing I would change about you is I want to pull your head out of your ass."

He let out a loud sound of frustration and turned to storm out of the room.

What happened? One minute everything was fine and the next he's yelling at me. I just don't understand how Edward could really think those things about me. I walked over to the mirror and stood in front of it.

"Amazingly beautiful." I scoffed.

There was nothing beautiful about me. My hair was stringy and flat. My body had absolutely no curves. My face was pale and practically lifeless. The more I looked in the mirror the more upset I became. Why couldn't I have changed physically the way Edward did. But Edward didn't change all that much…I mean he was always handsome. He may have bulked up a bit but I could still see my friend very much alive in him.

Again why did I still look the same? Why couldn't I have turned into a bombshell over the past nine years? I imagine people like Lauren getting sexier and hotter every year while I, plain Jane Bella Swan stayed exactly the same.

I looked at Edward's wall of weapons. The years he must have put in to train on all these. The time and effort. I wanted to be good at something. Maybe if I could be good at something then the physical part of me wouldn't matter any longer.

I walked over and picked up one of the knives that Edward had thrown and walked over toward the target. I took a stance, copying what I had seen Edward do and gripped the knife in my hand. I pulled back my arm, ready to try my best.

"What the fuck are you doing? Have you lost your damn mind?" Edward's booming voice caused me to drop the knife to the ground.

"I was just going to try…"

Edward snatched the knife from off the ground. "Try what? Kill yourself? FUCK!" he walked over and placed the knife back in its spot. "I don't want you ever touching anything on this wall ever again. Do you understand me, Bella?"

His voice got louder every word he spoke. I squeezed my hands in to fists and then took off running to my room. I was practically out of breath by the time I reached it. I really needed to start jogging or something. This was pathetic.

I collapsed on my bed and curled up with my pillow. I hated that Edward yelled at me. But I hated myself more for doing something so stupid in the first place. He was right. I shouldn't have touched his things.

It was a couple of minutes after that Edward knocked on my door.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"Your house." I replied with a sniffle.

I heard him sigh and walk over to the bed.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. You asked me not to yell at you and I did it again…but what were you thinking? God, do you even realize how dangerous that was? You shouldn't ever handle a weapon you aren't trained in."

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I shouldn't have touched your things."

"Bella, you can touch whatever you want to in the house, just not the weapons unless I teach you how to use them properly. But never by yourself."

I sniffled and tightened my grip on the pillow.

"Come on, Bella. Please don't cry." He whispered and laid down beside me. "Hey, sorry I'm an asshole…see not much has changed since high school."

That's the problem. Not much has changed for me since high school. I didn't even achieve higher learning. I stayed exactly the same. That thought brought out more tears.

Edward pulled me over to him and I finally allowed myself to cry in his arms. I felt safe. It was wrong. I shouldn't be touching Edward like this. It was so intimate but I couldn't help it.

"Please tell me what you were thinking? I had just gotten through making it perfectly clear that I didn't want you touching anything on that wall." Edward asked softly.

My tears started to slow and I took a small breath. "I…I don't know."

"Did you do it to spite me? Because you knew I didn't want you touching them?"

"No. I…I just wanted to be good at something. Stupid I know. But…" I sat up pulling myself out of his arms. "It's not fair." I wailed.

"What…"

"You got to change. You became stronger and more intelligent, more attractive, more competent in every single way. I'm jealous of you. Are you happy? I wished that I had grown as a human being the past nine years but being here and seeing you makes me realize that nothing has changed for me. I didn't even finish community college which is a joke I know. You looked down on community college and the people like me who went and I don't blame you because I didn't even finish it. I hate that I am stuck in this body with absolutely no evolving. I wasted nine years of my life and I have nothing to show for it. You took those nine years and went to Dartmouth which was my dream school. You didn't even want to go to Dartmouth. You created a supremely successful multi-billion dollar company and in your down time apparently became a master of martial arts and weapons. You evolved and… I'm just…nothing."

Once again my tears had come and exhausted I fell back into the pillow placing as much distance I could from Edward. I shouldn't have gone off on him.

"I'm sorry. It's not your fault. This is what I wanted for you and I'm glad you got everything you could ever want. You deserve it." I sniffled.

"Everything I could ever want?" he said to himself.

"Bella, I didn't get anything I wanted. I didn't want to go to Dartmouth but I did because stupidly part of me hoped that one day you would come. I went to Dartmouth because I thought in some small way I could be closer to you. I walked down those damn halls every single day and imagine you were right beside me like it should have been. My company? I didn't want that. I just wanted to be successful because I had visions of seeing you again someday and using my successes to woo you. The martial arts and weapon training was something I did because I never wanted to be helpless again. I failed you in high school. I should have protected you better but I was such a weakling that I could barely pick you up, maybe that's why I pick you up all the time now, it's because I can. I never wanted all this. I would have been perfectly happy having just this small amount of space as long as you were in it. You were my friend. All I have wanted was for us to be together. This past week was what I have been striving for, for the past nine years."

I had moved an inch closer. "I don't know what I did to ever deserve such a good friend."

"I'll always be here for you, Bella." Edward scooted towards me. "If you're really unhappy about not evolving like you said then I will do everything I can to help you."

"Alice said I should look into night courses…maybe just at a local Jr. College." I replied.

"What about Dartmouth? I'm sure you could still go. You were accepted." Edward offered.

"I…I don't know. I don't think I want to go far away again on my own. Coming to California was hard in the beginning. I was lucky I met the right people."

"I'll go to New Hampshire with you." Edward replied.

"What? No. You can't leave your company. I'll be fine at a community college here. I hear Los Angeles has some good schools. Maybe someday…"

"Bella, Dartmouth is your dream. I don't care about the company. I can pick the company up and move it to New York if I want. I don…"

"No, Edward. No." I interrupted. "Thank you but…no. You have already given me so much. No." I laid back down and Edward didn't reply.

"Hey, come here." Edward pulled me to him after a couple of moments. Once again I laid my head back down on his chest and his arms wrapped around me.

I shouldn't.

But I did.

* * *

**AN: **hope everyone had a good holiday! THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ AND REVIEW!


	13. Chapter 13

**EPOV**

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

I loved Bella lying in my arms. It was the single greatest feeling in the world because she was here, safe and in _my_ arms. This was the way it should be but I couldn't celebrate the feeling because after tonight, I now know that Bella, my Bella was broken.

She ranted about all the things I accomplished and how she had nothing to show for the past nine years. The way she looked at herself had me disgusted because I knew there was only one person responsible for that. Jacob. He had not only abused her physically, he had drained her of any confidence and self-respect she had left.

I swear, if I ever happen to cross paths with that asshole…

Stop Edward. Bella doesn't need a vigilante.

Bella snuggled in closer to me and her soft snores calmed me once more. I couldn't resist leaning down and kissing her gently on the head. God, I wished we could be more. I would take such care of you, Bella. I would make sure that every dream you had would come true. Please give me that chance.

She didn't seem to react to my confessions from earlier but I didn't miss the part where she called me attractive either. I felt like such a girl when my insides welled up with pride. I wanted to dance around and sing, "She thinks I'm cute."

But I couldn't focus on that because she was hurting. She never wanted to talk about Jacob and she didn't understand how what he did to her was wrong but she needed help. I would do everything to help heal her. She needed her confidence back.

Maybe I could help train her. Not with the weapons…well not for a while but I know that when I was learning from Seth it helped me a great deal in learning confidence and self-respect.

I should ask her to go and start seeing Dr. Harper. Maybe between the two of us, we can save Bella.

I was finally able to drift off to sleep now that I had a plan of action.

The phone on the bedside table started to ring shrilly the next morning.

"Mister Cullen sorry to bother you, I have Miss Alice on the phone. Do you want me to transfer?"

"Uh…yeah. Go ahead." I replied wiping the sleep out of my eyes. I could see Bella start to stir. Dammit. I wanted more time with her.

"Where are you?" Alice barked into the phone.

"At home, obviously."

"You were supposed to be here for you ten am meeting." She was practically scolding me.

"Oh…well…just move it." I sighed looking over to the clock. It was just past ten a.m.

"Move it? You did remember that this meeting was with James Hunt. You do realize that he is not very happy right now." She continued.

"Oh shit. It's already ten?" Bella gasped. Great, now she'll never go back to sleep.

"Calm down. We can be late." I tried to pacify her.

"Ugh!" Bella growled at me and took off for the bathroom.

"Was that Bella? Were you two sleeping together?" Alice started.

"Alice, we will be in soon. Send James my apologies and tell him that I will make it up to him." I hung up the phone and sadly left the bed to go and get ready. Bella was going to kill me.

I hurried through my shower and shave because I knew Bella would not want to waste any more time getting to the office. She was completely dedicated on being the best employee she could. I started feeling a bit nervous knowing that I needed to show patience today when dealing with my subordinates. I didn't want a repeat of yesterday.

"You look nice." I complimented her as I came down the steps and saw her pacing while waiting in the entry way.

"I went into the closet. You are completely ridiculous. You do know that there are more clothes in there then I have worn in my entire lifespan?" she huffed.

"Wow, did someone wake up on the wrong side of the four-posted bed?" I cooed remembering Alice's words to me once.

"Edward, this is the second day that I am late for work. I know you don't take it seriously but it's important to me. I don't want people thinking that I'm a slacker. I think I may have to find my own way to work from now on."

"You don't have to do that. Would you just relax? If it makes you feel better you can work an hour over to make up for it." Sometimes she truly exhausted me.

"Well…no offense…but I don't think we should be…sleeping together any more. It's…well…it's inappropriate and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put you in that position."

"Whatever you want, Bella." I couldn't keep the irritation out of my voice. I was upset. Of course I was upset. I loved Bella sleeping beside me.

"Don't be mad. I…just don't think that it's proper. I mean…we're friends and I'm sure that you would love to get back to having the bed all to…"

"I said I get it." I snapped.

We got into the car.

"Seth's not driving today?" she asked quietly probably afraid I would bite her head off again. Patience, Edward.

"No. I gave him today off."

"Oh…" she dragged out the word.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"No…it's just…"

"Out with it Swan."

"Well, do you even remember how to drive? I mean I figured your fancy pants must have forgotten since you obtained a driver since last we met." She smirked.

"My fancy pants can drive circles around you, Miss Daisy."

Fight over.

She rolled her eyes and for good measure I shot down the road like my car was on a speedway.

"Stop it, Masen. You're going to crash." She squealed.

"I'm not going to crash." I rolled my eyes but slowed down.

We walked into Cullen International and I kept repeating a mantra in my head. "Be polite to people. Be nice."

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen." Some young girl said up at the main reception desk.

"Good morning." I gave her a wave and smile as I passed.

"Good morning." I repeated when Bella and I stepped into the elevator. I could see the looks of surprise in people's faces and it told me that I had done well.

"Good morning, Alice. Good morning Jessica." I greeted.

I walked into my office leaving Bella off at her desk. Alice walked in a couple of moments later.

"What was that?" she asked.

"What was what?"

"The good mornings and smiles." She furrowed her brow and then it was like a light bulb went off. "You had sex. Did you have sex with my friend?"

"What? No." I defended.

"You are way too happy and this morning I could hear Bella with you. Edward, how could you? She is obviously not ready for that kind of relationship." She reprimanded.

"Alice I didn't have sex with her. And if I did, it wouldn't be any of your damn business. I was simply trying to be polite." I yelled.

Alice stood there for a minute and then gave me a big smile.

"You were trying to be polite…for Bella. I knew that girl would be the one." She placed some files down on my desk and skipped out of my office.

I didn't know who exhausted me more, Bella or Alice.

I sat down and got to work knowing I should put some hard time in. I had been slacking the past couple of days and within good reason. Hell, I never took vacations so it wasn't like my company was suddenly going to fall apart.

Vacation. That sounded nice for the first time in my life. I wanted to go on a vacation and I wanted Bella to come with me. The places we could go. If I could talk her into it; I would sell off my company and spend the rest of my life traveling with her.

Children. Would she want to have children? We couldn't travel the rest of our lives if we did have children. It wouldn't be right. I hope she wanted children.

It's not fair.

Once again I sat there in my desk chair thinking about the little boy or girl who should be in school at this moment. I would go and pick him or her up and maybe go out for ice cream as he or she told me all about their day. I wouldn't care if it was a girl or a boy as long as it was mine and Bella's.

I put my head in my hands and had a weak moment while I tear up thinking about this child once again. Stop it Edward. It's over. They don't exist and it's your fault.

I sat there wasting my day thinking about something long gone. I couldn't snap out of it. I tried to not think of that child because I knew that it would render me useless. How long I would find myself trapped in memories as the world passed me by practically paralyzed.

I remember when I found out about the abortion and how it sent me into a drunken stupor for nearly a week. If it hadn't been for my parents I might have done something stupid. My dad threatened to pull his money from my company if I didn't shape up but my mom…she just hugged me and held me while I broke down about Bella and our baby.

She told me that she believed that all things happen for a reason and if I wanted to ever have a chance at finding happiness with Bella, I would need to work hard and prove I was worthy. She didn't think Bella would be too impressed with my drunkenness. I had told her that Bella already had moved on but she just squeezed me and told me to have faith. At the time I scoffed at her faith but now I realize that she was right. Everything happens for a reason and if the past nine years were a test to get to this point then I have to believe that we passed and now it was up to us.

But still that baby. How much better our lives could have been. Bella said she didn't tell me because she was worried I would try to talk her out of it. She said that she wanted better for me. I told her that I would have supported whatever decision she made but deep down, she was right and I knew that. I would have talked her out of it and I probably wouldn't be here now, sitting in my grand office in the building I made.

Given the option of the two lives; it was clear which I would choose over and over again.

"Mr. Cullen." Bella knocked gently on my door and opened it slowly to call out to me. "I'm sorry but Alice wanted to know if you were done with the Hunt's file yet?"

She walked forward and I tried to blink away the watering in my eyes.

"Edward….Mr. Cullen…are you okay?" She asked as she approached.

"Yeah…uh…take the file. I'm not done but I need to get out of here for a moment." I jumped up from my desk and grabbed my suit coat and rushed past her.

I climbed the stairs in the stair well to the roof. I had found that it was a great place to find peace.

"Snap out of this Edward." I whispered to myself.

I had been day dreaming for so long that I hadn't even realized that the day was nearly gone. The sun was going down and it was getting colder. But the cold felt good. It wasn't as easy to focus on the past when you your whole body was fighting to keep yourself warm.

"Edward…uh…it's five o'clock. I didn't take a lunch to help make up my time. Are you planning on staying?" Bella asked from behind me as I stared out over the city.

"Do you think Alice could give you a ride home? I need to stay and work more." I replied unable to look at her. Because every time I did look at her all I could see is what I lost. I didn't want to break down in front of Bella. I couldn't tell her what was wrong because the last thing I wanted was for her to feel like this was her fault. She already carried all the blame for what happened and I needed her to understand that there was plenty of blame to go around but she wasn't ready to accept that.

"Okay. Did you want me to stay? Maybe I can help?" she asked.

"No. please just go. Get yourself some dinner and I'll see you later."

I could hear the roof door open and the heavy door shut that marked her leaving. I finally made my way back down to the office and could see it empty. No one but me. In the past this was how I preferred it but now, I just felt incredibly lonesome.

I cracked the file open while pouring a glass of my finest scotch and stretched myself out on the couch.

_"Bella, do you want kids someday?"_ I couldn't help myself. Lately I had been dying to know and I saw an opportunity to ask so I took it.

_"Probably not the best question to ask someone when they're watching the Omen."_ She laughed.

_"I know. But let's say that you were guaranteed to not be saddled with Rosemary's baby…would you? Do you?"_

_"Uh…well seeing how I cracked my egg in that stupid child development class. I don't know if they would allow me to have one."_ She replied.

It was a cold rainy day in March of our final year at Forks High and Bella and I had decided to spend the Saturday watching scary movies. Charlie was out on duty and wouldn't be back until late. I knew he felt better knowing I was here so Bella wouldn't be by herself. He had seen that having me around severely decreased Bella's chances for having an accident and ending up in the E.R. Oh Bella definitely could not be trusted to stay out of harm's way by herself. She'd hit me if I said that out loud.

_"I don't believe that the stork only visits people who get an "A" in child development. The rumor is…"_ I lowered my voice. _"People can get pregnant without taking an exam or passing a class. I hear that sometimes it doesn't take much." _

_"I know. My dad told me that if a boy holds your hand, you can get pregnant."_ She mocked.

_"Really? My mom and dad told me that when two people love each other they lay down beside one another and that's when it happens."_

_"Oh shit!" _Bella jumped up from the couch. _"We've been lying next to one another all day! I best run out and grab a pregnancy test."_

She laughed and danced off toward the kitchen. I got up to follow her.

_"So…you're in love with me?"_ I said teasingly but I was a hundred percent serious. Maybe I wouldn't have to wait till prom if she gave me a sign that it was okay to express the feelings I have been having.

_"Get out of here…love…"_ she rolled her eyes and continued on with putting the popcorn into the microwave.

But she didn't say no.

_"So would you have a baby someday?"_ I asked again.

_"Masen, come on…what is up with the baby questions?"_ She shook her head.

_"I don't know…just curious. I would…someday…if it was with the girl I loved."_

_"The only way I would get pregnant is if I accidentally tripped and landed on some poor guy's dick…come on who would ever want to procreate with me."_ She dumped the popcorn into the bowl and all I wanted to do was shout out, ME! I would!

_"Don't talk like that. Obviously someone likes you…those secret admirer notes say it all…at least you have an admirer."_

Edward, pity party for one.

_"Masen, don't do that. We both know that this whole secret admirer thing will probably turn out to be some jackass who wanted to play a mean joke."_

_"Not this again. How many times do I have to tell you? It's not a joke. You can tell by the way the guy writes. He takes notice of things about you…no one would take the time to do that unless it was serious."_

I hated how much she doubted the secret admirer notes. I hated myself even more for being such a coward and not telling her.

Bella, I wrote the notes. I want to take you to prom. I want us to go to Dartmouth and leave open the possibility of having children someday.

There how hard is that.

_"Maybe..."_

_"Bella, there's something I have to tell you."_ I paused and waited as she looked up from the popcorn bowl.

_"Those notes…"_

_"Hey kids…why is it so damn dark in here?"_ Charlie called from the front door.

_"Dad, we're in the kitchen and it's dark because we were watching scary movies."_ Bella called back.

And there went my bravery window of opportunity.

I wake up from the couch with the file still in my hand unfinished. I look down at my watch and see that its past ten. I need to get going.

When I arrived home, all was quiet but that's how it normally is. Bella wasn't a loud person by nature. I wondered if she managed to get home all right. I should have called her to check up but she didn't have a cell phone. I needed to fix that, I could tell her it's a company phone so she would let me pay for it.

I went straight up to her room to apologize for my behavior. I didn't want her to think this was about her even if it was. I needed to shake these baby feeling or kid feelings. The reality was that Bella didn't have the baby. I don't have a child. Nothing is going to change that.

"Bella?" I knocked quietly on her door.

Nothing.

I opened it and peeked inside. She wasn't there so I went over to her bathroom and looked in.

Okay, where was she?

I walked up to the third floor and went through almost every room, even some I hadn't even shown her yet. She wasn't in the library. She wasn't in the game room. I was starting to worry.

This is a big house. I'm sure she was here somewhere.

I walked down to the kitchen and there was still no sign of her. Now I was panicking. I went straight for the security panel and tapped on the motion sensors. It showed in the main house there was movement in the kitchen, well that would be me and in the gym.

The gym?

A very bad image came to mind especially after last night and seeing Bella's disregard for dangerous weapons. I hauled ass toward the gym.

She was standing in front of the mirror straining to lift a barbell and looked to be dressed in my clothes because she was practically swimming in them. She dropped the weight and it narrowly missed her foot.

"Dammit!" she shouted.

"Bella, is everything okay in here?" I asked walking in.

"No. Everything is not okay. I can't even lift a fucking barbell. Stupid barbell." She shouted and then kicked said barbell.

"OW!" She gritted through her teeth.

"Okay, calm down. First of all, you started with far too heavy of a weight. You should start off with a five-pound weight." I replied picking up the thirty that she kicked and placed it back on the rack.

"Five pounds? I may not be as strong as you but I can lift more than five pounds." She replied irritated.

"Bella, you have to start off small and strengthen your muscles before adding weights. You start off with thirty and you could injure yourself." I placed the five-pound weights in each one of her hands. She was so small that I had a feeling she would be on the five-pound weights for a while.

"Now raise out your arms like this." I said demonstrating. She did as I told her and with ease.

"Edward, I told you this was too light." She complained. "I don't have time for baby weights."

"Do that fifty times in a row and then I'll move you up."

Bella practically started flapping her arms probably trying to show me how easy this was for her.

"Slower. You go that fast and it's just momentum. Those don't count." If she was going to do this, she would do it properly.

She started to do her exercises correctly and I took off my suit coat and placed it on a bench.

"Gee maybe after this I can move up to the six pound weights." She mocked.

"Gee maybe after this, you'll thank me." I retorted.

She was at twenty-five when I saw her start to waver.

"What's wrong Bella, having trouble with the baby weights?" I teased.

"Shut up." She huffed.

I started to wonder what had gotten into her. It was past eleven and she was working out instead of getting ready for bed.

"So…what spurned all this on?" I asked.

"I'm concentrating." She dismissed my question.

She was at forty and I could see her sweating.

"Put the weights down. You're done for tonight."

"No. I have to do this." She snapped.

"You don't have to do shit. Put the weights down and go to bed. You're the one who doesn't want to be late to work in the morning."

"You go to bed. I don't need a baby sitter. Just go already."

SO DAMN STUBBORN!

"Fine. I will." I grabbed my suit coat and stormed out of the gym. I could say I told you so tomorrow when she had bags under her eyes and had trouble staying awake at work. I took a hot shower and that seemed to calm me down.

I jumped into bed setting my alarm and wondered how long it would take for me to find sleep. Normally I was a horrible sleeper. Some nights I got only a couple of hours here and there. But when I slept with Bella it was different.

Eventually I must have passed out because when I turned over and looked at the clock it was past three a.m. I stretched and decided to go to the bathroom before getting up and getting some work done.

As I went to put my feet down, I nearly jumped out of my skin to see a small mound of blankets on the floor below me.

"Bella?" I said with confusion. Why was she laying by my bed?

I got out of bed and leaned down, trying to gently pick her up so I wouldn't wake her. Just as I went to place her on my bed she said something.

"Don't let him get me, Edward."

I set her down.

"Who? What are you talking about?" I asked urgently.

She snuggled into my pillow and didn't respond.

She didn't need to answer. I already knew who she was talking about. Now I needed to know what happened to make her suddenly realize that Jacob was as dangerous as we all have been telling her.

* * *

**AN: **thank you for reading and reviewing. I am so happy that so many of you have embraced this story and these characters. I apologize for those of you who are reading **WTS **Part 3 for not updating sooner. Unfortunately the only time I can work on the stories is when I am at work and since last week was a short work week I was unable to get it done. I hope to be done with the next chapter and post tomorrow. I will update this story come Thursday.


	14. Chapter 14

**BPOV**

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

Once again Edward had been acting off while at work. When I went into his office to ask him a question, it was like he could barely stand to look at me. I was starting to think that working together wasn't such a good idea.

"Where is he running off to?" Alice asked as Edward practically sprinted from his office. From me.

I shrugged. "I don't know. He wasn't mean but he seems off. I'm starting to think I should look for another job. Maybe me working so close isn't good for him." I sighed.

"NO!" Alice shrieked and came rushing over to me. "You can't leave me dumb and dumber." She said referring to Jessica

"Alice, I'm sure you could find someone more qualified than I am." I went to sit back down at my desk. "Maybe I could just move departments and stay at Cullen International."

"Nooooo. Bella, I know you don't see it but having you here is the best thing that could ever have happened. You don't see the changes in Edward that I do. So what if he's still a little moody. At least he's not all RAWR!"

I laughed a little at her bear interpretation.

"Okay, I'll stay but I just don't know if this is good for him or me."

We worked in silence only asking each other questions here and there but it was a good work. Alice had popped out for lunch at one and was kind enough to bring me back a sandwich but I had failed to eat it because I was so focused on trying to get my work done seeing how I came in once again, late.

"Hey, he's been gone for a while. Should I go check on him?" Alice asked.

"No. Let me. If it is an issue with me, I want to know." I replied getting up. Man it felt good to stand. I had alphabetized papers at my desk all day.

"He's on the roof. Just take the stairwell one floor up." Alice informed.

I carefully climbed the stairs and quietly opened the door to the roof.

He was standing there staring out over the city. It was actually quite a beautiful picture with the sun setting, the sky was filled with oranges, reds and yellows and there stood Edward, king of his castle on top of the building he built.

"Edward…uh…it's five o'clock. I didn't take a lunch to help make up my time. Are you planning on staying?" I cringed wondering if he was going to get mad at me for disturbing him.

"Do you think Alice could give you a ride home? I need to stay and work more." He replied quietly.

He still wouldn't look at me. He was being really weird. What had set him off? He was fine this morning…well other than the fact that I had told him that we couldn't sleep together any longer. But I did that for him. It wasn't fair for him to have to be uncomfortable lying in a bed with me while I snored or worse sleep talked.

But for some reason he did seem upset with me for telling him that it wasn't a good idea from now on. Should I say something? No. Just let it go.

"Okay. Did you want me to stay? Maybe I can help?" I asked hoping that he would at least look at me.

"No. please just go. Get yourself some dinner and I'll see you later." He sounded lost. Like he wasn't even in his own body anymore. I sighed and turned to leave. Maybe time apart was what we needed. Having me around twenty-four seven probably was wearing on him especially since he told me that he wasn't used to having people around.

I climbed back down the stairs and went back to my desk.

"Alice, would you mind taking me home. Edward said he wants to stay and work a while longer. I think he just needs a break from me." I confided.

"Trouble in paradise?" Jessica sang from behind me.

"Jessica, shut it!" Alice rebuked before turning back to me. "No problem. Oooo I have a great idea. Come home with me for dinner. Emmett and Rosalie will be there." Alice was smiling so wide one would think she was the Cheshire cat.

"Uh…" I started to say something, I still didn't know if Emmett could be trusted.

"Come on, Bella. I promise it will be fun. Jasper's making his lasagna."

"Okay. I guess. Maybe I should tell Edward."

"Please, I'll have you home long before he leaves this place. Besides he'll call me if there's a problem."

We gathered up our things and left for the day. I looked back at Edward's office one last time and felt a sadness come over me. What was wrong with my friend?

Alice's home was adorable. It was small but incredibly cute. It was painted yellow and had the perfect white picket fence all around with a beautiful garden.

"Oh, Alice…I love your home." I gushed.

"Thank you."

We walked in through the front door and I was overcome with the most delicious smell I think I have ever smelled. My tummy rumbled reminding me I hadn't eaten anything that day.

"Hello again, Bella." Jasper greeted me after his wife attacked him for a kiss.

"Hi, Jasper. Thank you for letting me crash you dinner party." I replied.

"Not a problem. The more the merrier." He smiled.

"Damn, I'm so hungry I could eat a bear." A voice roared from behind me and I couldn't help but jump.

"Shhh. The whole neighborhood doesn't need to hear you." Rosalie chided.

"Hey, look who's here. Bella, so happy you could join us." Rosalie said as she entered the house with Emmett.

"Um….yeah it's nice to be here."

"So dinner's about to be served. Can I get anyone a drink?" Jasper asked.

Jasper took everyone's order and Alice went to help him out.

"Bella, this is my boyfriend, Emmett." Rosalie bit her lip nervously and unfortunately I was mirroring her.

"Nice to meet you." I replied softly.

"Nice to meet you too, Bella." Emmett replied sincerely.

We all moved to the dining room table and took a seat. I dug straight into that lasagna as soon as it was appropriate to do so.

"God, Jasper…this is amazing." I boasted.

"Thank you." He replied.

"I told you it'd be worth it." Alice rubbed it in.

We sat around talking about this and that. Emmett didn't seem like a bad guy and I could feel myself start to loosen up around him but part of me still worried.

"So, you knew Mr. Money Bags long before he was rich…what was he like?" Alice asked.

"Well, Edward was wealthy back then so…he just never told anyone. I only figured it out by putting the clues together." I replied.

"Yeah but…you say that he was different, that he had soul…" Rosalie said in disbelief.

"He…was amazing. You have to understand that life for us wasn't easy. We were picked on horribly. Edward did everything he could to protect me. I remember it was Christmas break and he had promised me that he would come over and spend the majority of it with me. He said we would watch movies, he even said he was going to teach me how to ice skate but he didn't show until the very end of the break. I was so mad at him and I was hurt. I didn't even talk to him and I wanted to slam the door in his face when he did show up but I could see the traces of bruising on his face and for a minute I wondered if his parents had done that.

I didn't find out the truth until we arrived back at school. The last day of school before we had gone on break, a girl in my class well she did something really horrible to me. She hurt me and left me in the school showers with no clothes and two very sprained wrists. Edward found me and took care of me. When I returned to school after the break the girl who had hurt me started taunting me. She said that her boyfriend kicked Edward's ass and that he was lucky he was still walking. I actually had the courage to ask her what she was talking about and she told me. She said that Edward was mad at what she had done to me and that he threatened her and then her boyfriend pummeled Edward for it. He doesn't know that I know. I wished I could pay him back. He always looked out for me even when I didn't even know it."

"Wow." Alice sat back in amazement. "You see. I knew there was something in him."

"I…I…can't believe it." Rosalie looked sadden by my story.

"Well, like I said…Edward was my best friend. I owe him so much more than I could ever repay."

There was a loud knock at the door that had pretty much startled everyone. We all looked over at the door wondering who could be pounding on the door with such force. It sounded like they were about to break the door down.

"Excuse me." Jasper said wiping his face with his napkin and standing from the table.

We all watched on as he went to the door and opened it. I swear I thought that my heart had fallen straight out of my chest right to my stomach.

"Hello, can I help you?" Jasper asked.

"Jacob?" I asked quietly wondering if this was just a dream.

"Told you I'd find you." He smirked.

I got up from the table, "What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

"I was informed that you recently took a job at Cullen International and they had this address as your new place of residence. What do you think was going to happen? You thought that you could just run off? You're coming home, Bella. I'm not happy with you. I have wasted quite a bit of time looking for you."

"No. Jacob, I'm not. I told you. It's time to move on. I don't love you and I'm sorry because I know that's not fair to you and the time I'm sure you feel that you wasted but it's time to go and find someone who you love as well."

"You think this is about love?" he started laughing. "I don't give a shit about love. You're coming home because you're mine." He took a step forward and grabbed ahold of my arm.

"Hey, I'm pretty sure the lady made it clear that she doesn't want you. Now let her go?" Emmett stood up and walked over.

"Who the fuck are you? Have you been fucking this guy?" He asked tightening his grip.

"No." I cried.

"I said let her go." Emmett intervened and pulled me from Jacob.

"You're making a big mistake. You have no idea what you are messing with." Jacob growled.

"You think your badge is going to do anything here. Wake up, I have jurisdiction in this area and I suggest you take your sorry ass back up where you came from and leave Bella alone." Emmett towered over Jacob.

"You're a cop? What happened to honor among brothers?" He spit.

"I'm not brothers with anyone who would abuse women. Now get the fuck out of here before I make a stink up at your department." Emmett barked pulling me behind him.

"This isn't over, Bella. You're coming home whether you like it or not. Stupid bitch." Jacob yelled from the doorstep.

"You come after her, you'll be coming after me, asshole." Emmett slammed the door and Alice ran over to the window and pulled the drape back.

"He's gone." She announced.

"I…I…" I was in shock.

"Bella, sit down. It's going to be okay. Calm your breathing." Rosalie sat me down in a chair and I hadn't even realized that I had been breathing so hard.

"I…I..I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I should never have put your address down on my paperwork." I panicked.

"It's okay. Don't worry about that." Alice consoled.

"No. you don't understand. Jacob…he…could hurt you. I need to leave. I have to get out of here." I jumped up from the couch.

"Bella, he's not going to hurt you. He won't hurt anyone here." Emmett vowed.

Suddenly the past nine years flooded my mind with their memories and I understood what Jacob was capable of. I couldn't have him hurt my friends and if he came after me; I needed to find a way to take care of myself. I couldn't depend on anyone fighting my battles any more. We weren't in high school and I needed to start standing up and defending myself.

"Look, I really appreciate everything but I can't stay here. I need to…I should go to Edward's. Jacob doesn't know anything about Edward and Edward's security system rivals most nuclear testing sites."

"Bella, you don't have to leave." Alice pleaded.

"Please, I do. I should go." I started to go toward the door.

"Well, at least let Emmett and I take you to Edward's. You don't want to wander the streets at this hour." Rosalie offered.

I nodded my head, "Okay. Again I'm truly sorry." I looked over to Alice and Jasper.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. We'll be fine." Jasper replied.

I got in the back of Emmett's car and stared out the window as he drove towards Edward's mansion in the hills. I could see people walking down the street happy as could be while my world seemed to fall apart.

I didn't understand. Why would Jacob want me? He never loved me; in fact he made it very clear how much of a nuisance I was to him. I honestly thought I could move on and eventually he would get over me leaving. The only reason I feared him before was because I thought he would be upset for having to take care of me all those years. I had no job or income and I relied on Jacob's salary to feed and clothe me.

I used him.

But now I just feared him.

Would he find a way to take me from my new life? Take me away from Edward? I hated that I was putting Edward in danger with my drama but I also knew that Edward seemed to be able to take care of himself. I should leave and get as far away as possible from Edward but I needed Edward, now more than ever because I wasn't planning on leaving myself helpless any longer. I needed to train and get to a place where I could defend myself and Edward was the only person I knew who could help me. I would stay with Edward but I made a deal with myself; the minute Jacob showed up and knew about Edward I would be on the first bus out. It was only fair.

"We're here." Rosalie called softly waking me from my thinking.

"Thank you. Truly. Thank you, Emmett."

"It's not a problem. Call us for anything." Emmett replied.

"He's right. You can call at any time, day or night." Rosalie added.

I nodded and stepped out of the car. I walked up to the strong massive front door and put my code in to open it. Once inside I reset the alarm and looked around at my surroundings.

I wasn't planning on leaving this house until I was sure I could take care of myself. I went straight upstairs to find something to work out in. Unfortunately all the clothes that Edward had given me looked far too fancy to work out in. So eventually I made my way to his closet and pulled out a t-shirt and sweat pants. I had so pull the drawstring on the sweat pants tight in order for them to stay up but it was something.

I made my way down to Edward's gym and slowly walked into it. Everything seemed so daunting as I took in the punching bag and different machines he had. Where should I even begin?

I couldn't help but look towards the wall where I knew his weapons laid safely stashed behind.

"I'll get to you soon enough." I said determined.

I saw a wall of weights and decided to start there. If anyone needed muscle it would be me. If I had muscle then I could definitely defend myself properly. I walked down the wall and could see weights of all shapes and sizes.

I didn't have the foggiest idea of where I should even start. I pulled a weight off and I practically dropped straight to the ground. It was fifty pounds and it took everything in me to move it back to its spot.

Okay fifty and above, let's leave that for later.

I moved on down and saw a thirty. I picked it up and still had trouble but at least I could carry it. I thought back to every stereotypical movie I ever saw that had body building in it and tried to pump iron as best as I could but I couldn't even raise the barbell up to my chest without using both hands and even then it was a strain.

Dammit Edward. Where are you when I need you? I needed my trainer.

I put all my might into that stupid barbell but I lost my grip and it went crashing to the ground thankfully missing my toes.

"Dammit!" I yelled out with frustration.

"Bella, is everything okay in here?" Edward practically gave me a heart attack. I guess I should understand now why it's not good to interrupt a person while they are weapon training.

"No. Everything is not okay. I can't even lift a fucking barbell. Stupid barbell." I kicked the damned barbell and it wasn't the brightest moment of my life.

"OW!" I tried to keep in my pain. Pain is weakness leaving the body.

"Okay, calm down. First of all you started with far too heavy of a weight. You should start off with a five-pound weight." Edward reached down and easily retrieved my thirty pound weight like he was picking up a Twinkie. He walked over to the wall and came back with the smallest weights he had.

"Five pounds? I may not be as strong as you but I can lift more than five pounds." I grumbled. I probably shouldn't have been talking to him with such disrespect but I didn't have time to waste. The clock was ticking and I couldn't waste my time on baby weights.

"Bella, you have to start off small and strengthen your muscles before adding weights. You start off with thirty and you could injure yourself." He said handing me the stupid baby weights.

"Now raise out your arms like this."

I did as told trying to keep my irritation at bay but failing miserably. "Edward, I told you this was too light. I don't have time for baby weights."

"Do that fifty times in a row and then I'll move you up." He raised a challenging eye brow at me and I started. Probably a little too quickly at first.

"Slower." He barked. "You go that fast and it's just momentum. Those don't count."

I huffed and went slower for sir. A minute ago I was begging for Edward and now I wondered if I could do better on my own.

"Gee maybe after this I can move up to the six pound weights."

"Gee maybe after this, you'll thank me." He replied back using my same disrespectful tone.

I continued on. I could start to feel my arms having trouble but I brushed it aside and kept on. I won't be weak. I won't be weak.

"What's wrong Bella, having trouble with the baby weights?" Edward sang probably seeing the trouble I was having.

"Shut up." I snapped.

"So…what spurned all this on?" He asked.

"I'm concentrating." I wasn't about to tell him about Jacob. I had seen how he had reacted before when I brought up Jacob's name and I didn't want Edward to go all kung fu master on him. Jacob wasn't his problem. He was mine.

I started staining and I could feel the beads of sweat start to drip down from the top of my head. I won't be weak. I won't be weak.

"Put the weights down. You're done for tonight."

Edward didn't even let me get to fifty.

"No. I have to do this." I gritted my teeth.

"You don't have to do shit. Put the weights down and go to bed. You're the one who doesn't want to be late to work in the morning." He ordered.

I wasn't planning on going to work in the morning.

"You go to bed. I don't need a baby sitter. Just go already."

Leave Edward. I'll do this without you.

"Fine, I will." Edward lashed out. He grabbed his suit coat and banged his way out of the gym.

And then there was one.

I dropped the weights only making it to forty-eight. Pathetic.

I would never reach my goal at this point. I put my head in my hands and started to cry. Oh god, Bella. What have you gotten yourself into?

Suddenly the gym didn't look so inviting. I needed my trainer and he had already given up on me. My arms were sore and I was worse for wear after only an hour. I needed sleep. Maybe if I could get a real good night's rest, then I could start over tomorrow.

I checked the house alarm once more just to make sure and made my way back up to my room. I jumped into the shower and sadly started to get that feeling. You know the feeling…the kind that you get when you're walking down a dark path and you wonder if something's going to jump out at you.

I kept my eyes on the door the whole time I showered as if Jacob would come busting through that door and drag me out by my hair. It wouldn't be the first time.

I continued getting ready for bed and settled myself down in my bed but I was too scared to turn the lights off. I kept staining my ears wondering if that sense would pick up something first.

It was completely ridiculous. Jacob wouldn't just find me like that. He didn't know about Edward. I should feel perfectly safe here but I couldn't go to sleep. I wish Edward was here. Why did I tell him not to sleep with me?

STUPID BELLA!

The hours started to tick on by and I was completely wired. It was near two in the morning when I finally swallowed my pride and went to Edward's room. With my blanket wrapped around me, I peeked into his bedroom and could see him snoring peacefully in his bed.

This isn't right. You shouldn't be here. Go back to your own bed.

On the other hand, Edward can protect you. You can't even protect yourself. You can't even life a thirty pound weight properly.

Well, I don't have to sleep with him. I could lay down by his bed for a couple of hours and get up and out before he knows it. That way if something did happen, Edward would be here and if it doesn't then he never have to know.

I set my makeshift bed down on the floor beside Edward's bed. I wished I had brought a pillow but I was counting on the discomfort to wake me up every couple of hours so that I wouldn't over sleep.

But my plan failed and the next time I opened my eyes the sun was shining and I was warm laying in a comfortable bed with Edward's arms wrapped around me. My body jumped when I realized what happened.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked.

"Uh…sorry…what?" I looked around trying to remember what happened. Did I crawl into bed accidentally?

"I found you this morning lying on the floor. What happened, Bella?"

"I…don't…know." I rubbed my head. "Maybe I was sleep walking."

I lied.

Edward's phone started ringing and he reached over to his bedside table to answer it.

"Yeah."

There was silence as I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes and pat down my bed hair.

"I'll call you back." Edward shut his phone off and looked over to me with anger in his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me about last night?" he growled.

* * *

**AN:** THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I apologize in advance that there will probably be one update for this story next week.


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

I couldn't keep the anger out of my voice. I could see her look up at me with those guilty eyes and I was no longer going to tolerate her lies. I had been far too lenient on her and now it was time for some tough love.

"Why did you not tell me about last night?" I said every word slow and clear once more.

"Uh…what?"

"You know what. Don't give me that crap." I spit.

She looked down and I could see her breathing quicken.

"What happened last night…it doesn't concern you. It's my problem." She replied softly.

Wrong answer.

"The fuck it isn't. Jacob stops by and that's not my problem? The man who abused the shit out of you, shows up to take you away and that's not my problem/" I couldn't stop my voice from rising.

"No. It's not." Bella snapped. She jumped out of my bed and I could see her prepare for the fight she wasn't going to win.

"Edward what happened in my past, the poor choices I made is none of your concern. I am sorry that I have put you in this position. It was never my intention to have my ex show up and try to ruin everyone's life around me. I stayed because I thought you could train me. I want to stand up to him but I can't do that right now because I am weak beyond belief. I need you, Edward."

"Train you? Train you for what? You're not going to fight him, Bella."

She was out of her fucking mind. My god. Bella was out of her fucking mind.

"I'm not going to seek him out but I realized last night that he could show up at any time and make me go with him. If he finds me again…I want to be able to defend myself long enough to get away. I can't go back there. I can't go back to him."

That's the reason for the sudden interest in my gym last night?

"You're not going to fight him and he won't take you away from me. I will protect you…"

"UGH!" She threw her arms up in the air. "You can't protect me forever and even if you could that's not you job. This isn't you problem, Edward. I shouldn't even be here right now." And then she whispered to herself, "I knew I should I have left last night."

"You're goddamn right this is my problem." I roared.

Fuck, she pissed me off sometimes.

"How is any of this your fucking problem? I met Jacob. I stayed with him. You had nothing to do with that. You moved on up and out and went on to make smarter choices. This isn't your problem." She spit.

"I swear to god, Bella if you tell me this isn't my problem one more damn time…"

"Well it isn't. I never should have come here. I put you in danger and I'm sorry for that. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant for you to feel obligated to take on my battles."

"Obligated? I'm not doing this out of obligation." What the fuck was she talking about?

"You can't protect me. We're not in high school any more. The bullies now aren't like the ones back then. Jacob won't just beat you up, he could kill you." She said through her gritted teeth.

"He won't hurt me. I can protect you far better now than I ever could in high school."

"Jesus, Edward. Don't you fucking get it? You don't have to do this. Why are you doing this?" She yelled at me.

"Because I love you." I yelled back. "I'm not about to let the girl that I have loved for nearly my whole life, leave again. I will do everything in my power to protect you and you damn well better believe that if I ever did see that fucker, then his only problem is going to be me."

I was breathing hard and could feel my heart pound. Bella stood there at the opposite side of the bed from me trying to fight back her tears as she took in my every word.

Silence. Silence for what seemed like an eternity

"You're my best friend…I love you too…" she started to say.

"No…Bella, I don't just love you as a friend. I…"

Man up. All the problems you have now wouldn't have become problems if you had manned up all those years ago.

"I love you. I love that you're my best friend but I have loved you for years as more than just that. I would do anything for you. Do you think you could you ever see me as more than just a friend?"

I held my breath as I waited to hear the answer that I had been longing to know for nearly a decade. I could see her still stare at me like she was having trouble processing my confession.

"Edward…I…" she looked over toward the fake meadow but the roof hadn't retracted yet so it was dark and all she could really see was her own refection. She stared at it for a long moment. She almost looked angry and I could see her swallow harshly before turning back to me.

"I have to go." She whispered with watery eyes. But I wasn't going to allow her to because I knew her. I knew there was something going on that she wasn't telling me.

She walked toward my bedroom door.

"Stop, Bella." I ordered and I could see her stumble to a pause.

"You're not running anymore. I'm not going to allow it. You can either face me and tell me straight to my face that you don't love me or care for me the way I do for you or you are staying in this room until you do so."

She still didn't turn. Her back was to me and I could see her shoulders shutter the way they did when she was crying.

"Edward, please…" she whispered. "I…I have to get out of here...Jacob…"

"NO. No more running Bella. You owe me this."

"Edward…"

"YOU OWE ME THIS." I shouted. "You have always made decisions for the both of us. You never consult me. I'm not going to allow you to do this any longer. You owe me."

She finally turned back to me and I could see her face stained with a thousand tears, her shirt wet from their little droplets.

"If I love you…I should let you go…" her voice trembled.

"If you love me, you'll stay. If you need someone to fight, fight with me. You're not going to fight Jacob."

She started shaking her head. "No…he…I don't want him to hurt you."

"He won't." I vowed.

"You don't know that. He…he's a cop…you don't know what he is capable of, he's a cop, Edward…you try and do anything to him and you'll be charged."

I walked closer toward her as she tried to give me any reason she could find.

"Don't worry about that. I have friends in high places too."

"Edward…I don't want you doing something for me that will get you hurt or worse."

I reached her and I could now feel her body trembling all over. I placed my hands on her small arms. "Trust in me. I will be fine. I know you're scared but I promise I'm not going anywhere and neither are you." I pulled her too me and I could feel her collapse.

"What did I do? What did I do?" She chanted over and over as she completely broke down. I picked her up and carried her back to my bed and sat with her in my lap as she finally faced her past.

"I kept telling myself…that I deserved it. Every time no matter how much it hurt…I deserved it." She confessed.

"You never deserved any of it."

"I hurt you. I killed a baby, our baby. I ruined lives."

"I forgive you. You weren't ready and you were scared. You didn't ruin anyone's life…we just…it wasn't our time yet." I tried soothing her.

"It's just…just…" her breathing picked up again and more tears started flowing.

"Shhh. Bella, calm…it's going to be okay." I laid down with her and she readjusted herself, sobbing into my chest and clinging to me. "It's going to be okay. Just rest now."

I rubbed her back and waited for her to calm down and eventually fall back asleep. I let off a sigh as I thought back through everything that had happened last night and this morning. The confessions. The yelling. The lying. And the heartbreak.

I needed to get Dr. Harper. Bella needed her now more than ever. She had finally come to terms with what happened to her and now she needed to find ways to heal. I didn't have the foggiest idea of what would help her but I knew Dr. Harper would.

I picked up my cellphone and sent off a text to Katherine asking that she'd bring up lunch. I then fired off a text to Alice telling her that we would not be going into work today. Of course that was met with a phone call back in which I immediately hit ignore and then followed by a string of text messages ranging from question after question to demanding a reply.

Alice of course wanted to know if Bella was okay but the truth was that she wasn't okay and I didn't need Alice coming over right now to try to fix her. Bella wasn't Alice's to fix.

Technically Edward she wasn't yours either. Bella never did say if we could be more. She said she loved me but as a friend. Would she ever give me the opportunity?

Katherine walked into my room and quietly set our lunch down on my side table. Hot soup and a roast beef sandwich. I thought back to Bella and her preposterous scheme of wanting to train with me. She may have said it was for self-defense but I knew better and Bella when provoked could be lethal as I thought back to the few times she would get angry with me and haul off and hit me in the arm as hard as she could. It was always a surprise to her and to me when she would do this and she would immediately apologize after but I knew she had quite the temper.

"Bella." I gently shook her. She needed to eat. Even though she had been here for almost a week I could tell that she wasn't gaining weight as quickly as I wanted her to.

She moaned and snuggled in deeper to me and even though that feeling of having her lay beside me was glorious I knew she needed to eat. I laughed to myself as I devised a plan to wake her up. I reached over and grabbed my remote control and turned my television on. I pulled up the Netflix account and racked my brain for a minute before choosing Batman Returns. I fast forward to just the right part.

_"Who'd have thought Selina had a brain to damage. Bottom line, she tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window…"_

Bella jumped off me and stared up at the screen. I started laughing and she turned to me.

"You know how much Christopher Walken freaks me out." She smacked me in the arm as hard as her tiny hand could but that sent me into a fit of laughter.

"Turn it off, Masen." She growled.

"Damn, that works every time." I laughed and turned the television to a different channel. She had always been afraid of Christopher Walken which sucked for movie buffs such as ourselves because that took a lot of really great movies out of the running for us to watch.

She shuttered. "His voice gives me the heebie jeebies."

"Lunch is served. Here you pick." I handed her the remote and got up to serve us lunch. I set her tray down in front of her and saw he pick up the roast beef sandwich and nibble small bites off of it.

"So…why didn't you go to work?" she asked quietly.

"Took the day off." I shrugged.

"Why?"

"Because I was needed here." I looked her in the eye and she only held my gaze for a quick moment before retreating her eyes back down to her nibbles.

"So…" she started to say something but then stopped herself.

"Soooo….what, Bella?" I asked. I wanted her to know that she could talk to me about anything.

"Um…will…you…" she stopped again.

"Out with it, Swan."

"Are you going to train me?" she spit out quickly.

I sighed and was ready to tell her no but then I thought for a moment. I looked at her. I mean really looked at her and I could see that no amount of words from me would convince her that I would protect her. She was a scared little leaf and it reminded me of someone else a couple of years back, me.

"If I do…you have to agree to a few terms and conditions."

She sat up in anticipation for what I was about to say.

"First of all, you eat what I tell you to eat. If you want to be stronger than you can't eat like a bird. More protein and more…food overall."

She nodded and I was a little relieved that at least I could put some weight on her.

"Second, I want you to make twice a week appointments with Dr. Harper. In order to be strong physically you need to be strong mentally."

She sighed but nodded grudgingly.

"You will do what I tell you to do. If I tell you five more, you will give me five more. If I tell you that you're done for the day, you're done for the day. I mean it, Bella."

I could see her trying to not protest. She literally had to bite her lip to stay quiet.

"I want some kind of physical or vocal response from you if you agree." I pushed her but we were just getting started.

"Fine." She managed.

"And last I want you to promise me that no matter what, you will not seek Jacob out."

"Fine. Sure. Whatever." She shrugged my last condition off.

"Bella. I mean it. I want you to say to me, Edward I promise to not go looking for Jacob even if I feel I have the skill set to defend myself or take him on."

She sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes.

"Say it." I commanded

"Edward, I promise to not go looking for Jacob…"

"Even if I feel I have the skill set to defend myself or take him on." I reminded her of the second part.

"Even if I feel I have the skill set to defend myself or take him on. There. Happy now?"

"Eat your food." I took a big bite out of my sandwich and overlooked her sarcasm.

"So when do we start?" She asked still holding ninety percent of her sandwich in her hands.

"After you finished every bite of your lunch." I replied.

She looked down at her food and looked overwhelmed but I waited as I watched her finish it all. I sent her off to her room to get changed and started to scratch my head as to just how I was going to train her. I knew she needed muscle but she also needed endurance.

I decided to start with weights and show her several exercises with them. She showed up to the gym wearing the same baggy clothes she took from my closet. I needed to buy her workout clothes. She shouldn't be working out in clothes that big on her.

Bella found the same determination she had from last night and I could see her really try to focus all her energy on keeping up on my commands. It was hard for me to watch her struggle because I just wanted to tell her to stop and let me handle things but I knew she needed this.

"Okay Swan. Hit the showers." I finally called an end at six pm allowing her enough time to shower before dinner.

"Can we come back after dinner?" She asked.

"No. we're done for today." I replied.

"Well, I can come back after dinner. You can go…and get some work done or whatever and I'll work out on my own."

And this is why this arrangement wasn't a good idea. When Bella was determined to do something she never gives up.

"I said you're done for today. You have worked out for three hours already. That's enough. You need to give your body time to rest."

I could see that she didn't like me telling her no and mentally I told myself I should probably start locking up the gym so that she wouldn't try to go behind my back.

I saw her grab her towel and storm out, well not storm more like rainy day her way out of the gym. All I'm saying is that she wasn't happy.

For dinner Katherine served up roasted chicken and vegetables with a nice side salad. I could see Bella sit across from me at the dining room table as she picked at her food.

"What's the matter? Don't you like chicken?" I asked.

"Still kind of full from lunch." She replied softly.

"Well I want you to finish what's on your plate." I replied sternly.

"I don't think I can."

"Then you are not going back into that gym until you do." I answered.

"Edward, it's too much. I'm not used to eating so much food." She snapped.

"Hey, you asked me to train you. This is the Edward you asked for. You can eat it, Bella, it's not that much. I'm sorry but if you want to be stronger than you're going to have to gain some weight. A damn gust of wind can blow you over right now."

She looked at me with fire in her eyes and picked up the rest of her chicken with her fingers and started tearing it to pieces and stuffing it into her mouth.

Temper. Told you.

After two minutes she took a swig from her water and slammed her glass down, "Happy?"

"Never happier." I gave her a smug smile.

She pushed back from the table upset with me and this time it was a definite storm off. I didn't hear from her the rest of the night. I did check a couple of times on my video surveillance from my office to make sure she didn't defy me by going back in that gym. She must have stayed in her bedroom because I didn't find her in any of the common rooms. I only had surveillance in the common rooms.

At ten I decided to check on her and see if she went to bed. Her bedroom door was shut and I knocked softly before entering.

She was dressed in pajamas sitting on her bed just staring at me when I walked in.

"Are you going to bed?" I asked.

She looked down and nodded.

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked.

She took a minute to think about it before shaking her head back and forth.

"Okay…well good night." At least she wasn't mad at me anymore.

"Edward." She called to me before I could leave. "I'm sorry for how I acted earlier."

"Apology accepted. It's okay."

She looked horribly sadden so I walked over to her to find out what was going on in her mind.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

She sniffled and rubbed her eyes. "I…I…I can't sleep. I'm afraid to go to sleep. I keep thinking he's going to show up when I'm sleeping which is stupid because he doesn't even know I'm here but I can't turn my brain off. I feel helpless and…."

She flopped back down toward her pillow and stayed there in the fetal position.

"I could stay with you…until you fall asleep." I suggested. I wasn't going to be so presumptuous as to invite myself in her bed but it was something.

She looked over her shoulder at me and gave me a whispered, "Okay."

I pulled her covers over her and lay down beside her on top of the covers. I reached over and turned off the light. It was dark but there was a small amount of light coming from her window where the moon shined down.

"Edward…I'm really sorry for being a brat earlier." She said softly after a couple of silent minutes.

"Don't apologize for being a brat and I won't apologize for being a drill sergeant."

Another couple of minutes passed before she spoke again.

"Edward…do you really think I can get stronger?"

"Of course you can. If you work hard and discipline yourself, you will. Now go to sleep. We have an early day tomorrow. I'm sure Alice has missed us…well missed you." I tried to joke.

Bella turned over towards me and scooted closer. I moved closer and opened my arms for her. Timidly she slowly moved her way into them and I was so done with this awkwardness that I pulled her the rest of the way and made like it was no big deal.

It took only a couple more minutes before I could hear her light snores and I could feel the tension release in my shoulder and back. I closed my eyes for only a moment but when I awoke, the sun was shining and my arms were bare.

I scratched my head and wiped my eyes clear and I sat up.

"Bella?" I called out thinking she would be in the bathroom but she wasn't.

I walked over to the bathroom but there was no sign of her. Don't panic. She has to be here. I made my way out of her bedroom and down the steps toward the kitchen thinking that maybe she was eating breakfast but still nothing.

"Katherine, have you seen Bella?" I asked quickly.

"Yes. Sir, she's in the gym."

Relief and then frustration. This was becoming an obsession.

I walked down to the gym and saw Bella going over the exercise I taught her yesterday.

"What are you doing? Bella, we need to get ready for work."

Her arms dropped and hung to her side as she kept hold of the weights.

"I'm not going to work. I texted Alice. I quit." She shrugged and then picked her arms back up, going back to lifting the weights.

"What? Why?"

She looked at me through the mirror she was standing in front of never stopping with the exercise.

"This is my job now. I need to get stronger."

"You're being ridiculous. You're going to work." I ordered.

"No. I'm not. You can take my paycheck for hours already worked and keep the money. Eventually I will find a way to pay you back for leeching off you."

The last straw.

I walked over to her and stood directly behind her.

"Put the weights down now." I said quiet and slow.

"Please Edward, just go to work." She sighed and continued on like I wasn't even there.

I forcefully pulled the weights out of her hands, "Upstairs. Go and change. You're not going to stay here in the gym all day. If you no longer want to work, fine but you are coming with me."

I could see the defiance build up in her eyes. Suddenly she ran over to my punching bag that hung over on the side of my gym and clung to it. Why did this feel familiar. Oh right, the time I made her give ice skating a try.

It was the end of winter break when I finally showed up to Bella's house. I had promised to teach her how to ice skate however when we finally did get on the ice, she couldn't stand without falling and she cut her finger on the blade of her skate. It was a disaster and I could tell that she hated failing so I showed back up at her house the next day determined to have another lesson. I had to trick her to get her out of her house and it wasn't until we had arrived at the frozen lake when she realized what I wanted to do.

_"Why did you bring me here? I told you I didn't want to do this anymore."_ Boy was she mad.

_"Come on just give me one more chance. I know if you just had more confidence you could do this."_ I encouraged but she wasn't having it.

_"I still have bruises from yesterday. My finger is still healing and I said no. It's embarrassing."_ She crossed her arms over her chest and gave me the good ole stare down.

_"You're going to give me one more chance."_ I told her sternly. I started to make like I was getting ready to pull her down to the lake but she took off to the closest tree and wrapped her arms around it, clinging for dear life.

I rolled my eyes and walked over trying to pull her by the waist.

_"I just have to say you look like the most pathetic tree hugger I have ever seen."_ I commented.

_"I don't care."_ She huffed.

"_Come on, Bella. Stop being such a baby."_ I pulled and pulled but man she was strong. Or maybe I was just plain pathetic. Finally I poked her right in the side and smacked her butt.

She immediately let go of the tree and looked at me in shock.

We never did go skating that day. Instead Bella chased me back to the car and I was happy that I could excel at running because boy was she mad.

"Bella. We're not in high school anymore. I can't believe you're doing this." I walked over to the punching bag where she held on with all her might.

"What are you going to do, smack me again?" she taunted.

"You forget that I am a lot stronger than I used to be." I grabbed her around the waist and started to pull. She pulled the bag along with her but I could tell she was losing grip.

"Give it up, Swan. If you don't let go right now then I will ban you from the gym for a week."

She grunted as I pulled her a little harder.

"NEVER." She screamed.

I gave one last tug and she fell back into my arms. I pulled her the rest of the way out of my gym and shut the door behind me. I went to the panel beside the door and set it for lock which could only be opened with the right pass code.

She stood staring at me and the door.

"One week. Go get ready." I could feel the tension roll off me in waves as I stared down at her.

"I'm not going anywhere." She said in the smallest voice.

"You don't have to work but you're not going to stay home all day."

"Please." She started to cry. My undoing. "Don't make me go. Please."

She backed up into the wall and slid down it.

"Why don't you want to come to work with me?"

I couldn't understand what her deal was. Was I really that much of an asshole at work that now she was terrified working with me?

She shook her head back and forth not answering my question.

"Bella?"

"He knows I work at Cullen International. He'll be looking for me there. I just want to stay here until I'm ready."

I sighed and slide down the wall to sit beside her. It all made sense.

"It could take months, years before you feel confident. I don't want you staying in this house the whole time. It's not healthy. I told you I would protect you. I don't want my house becoming your prison.

"Please don't make me go." She whispered again.

"Fine I won't make you go today but I'm going to call Dr. Harper. I want you to see her. You need to see her." I replied.

Dr. Harper made great progress with me, in some ways she saved me however as I looked at Bella and what Jacob had turned her into, I prayed that Dr. Harper could save her too.

* * *

**AN: **Apologizing in advance that I have taken some time to post. I am on hiatus now with this story and A Working Title Series, until after the new year. I need a small break before I can focus back again on fanfiction. Since February I have written a little over a half million words which translates to nearly seventeen hundred words a day. So I am going to take the next two weeks off and spend them with my family and friends. I wish you all a very merry holiday and best wishes to you and your families.


	16. Chapter 16

**BPOV**

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

"And then he told me he loved me." I flopped back down on the couch and let out a giant breath. "I don't know what to do. He can't love me. It isn't right."

Dr. Harper sat in a high back leather chair in Edward's home office. After much debate, Edward decreed that this would be a suitable place for me to have my "sessions" with the good doc. I disagreed stating that if he wasn't going into the office the least he should do is be able to work from home. I didn't need tanking Edward's career on my conscience as well but he was adamant.

After a couple of scribbles Dr. Harper looked up at me to continue. Silly I know but I kind of wondered what she was writing. Was she drawing pictures to pass the time? Making grocery lists? Writing "kill me now" over and over? I wouldn't blame her. I can't imagine how awful it must be to hear me going on and on.

"Why couldn't he? Don't you love him?" she asked after she saw me stalling.

"Yes, but that's different." I replied.

"Because you only love him as a friend." She speculated.

"Yes. Well no. I don't know. It's different because…he's out of my league. He's a billionaire. He's sexy and intelligent and it's like some crime against nature for him to love me as anything more than just a friend and I shouldn't either."

"I am not approving or disapproving a relationship with you and Edward especially at this time but don't you think that you're being superficial? You shouldn't base your love on whether Edward has money or has a nice body or intelligence."

"Of course I don't. I wouldn't care if Edward was penniless and unattractive or dumb as a rock or… he…I love him because he has an amazing heart and is…the absolute best person in my world..." I started getting choked up thinking about my feelings for Edward.

"So why isn't it okay for Edward to love you based on your amazing heart? You think that he shouldn't have feelings for you because your bank account doesn't match his and even if you were unattractive which you're not then are you telling me that Edward should only be interested in you if you were physically appealing…wouldn't that make him shallow?"

Damn she was good.

"If he was shallow, I doubt he would be the man you love." She added.

I sat there on that damn couch and it dawned on me that I was just Harpered.

I laughed a little, "I don't think this is why Edward wanted me to see you. I'm sure I'm supposed to be spilling my guts out over…my ex…or how he treated me…you know all the reasons why he would be worried about me going crazy."

"Bella, we can talk about whatever you want to talk about. There is no clock. No time limit. No agenda. I'm to here to merely guide you. All I ask is that you be truthful. You don't need to divert attention else ware when you are feeling uncomfortable. You can just tell me that you don't want to go there at the moment. Just be truthful."

"Well that being said, I doubt my love life or lack thereof should be top priority. I think Edward probably thinks you need to fix me so that I will leave the house or at least that's what it sounded like he wanted."

I overheard Edward tell Dr. Harper earlier that I wouldn't leave the house and words like unhealthy and fix her.

"Edward may pay for these sessions but he doesn't dictate what is said in them. If you want to talk about your relationship with Edward then we will talk about that. If you want to talk about your relationship with Jacob then that's fine too. Whatever you say to me stays between us. I'm not going to give Edward a progress report so please feel free to talk about whatever troubles you or bothers you. You can tell me things that make you happy, whatever you want, Bella. The only thing I ask for is honesty."

I sighed and leaned back into the couch.

"Before I came to California…it had been years since anyone asked me how I was feeling…sat down and really wanted to know. Of course I was asked a couple of times when I went to the hospital. They would ask if I was abused but I just never saw it that way. I have only been here for a week and it seems that's all people wanted to know about. I don't really even know if I blame Jacob now because I never told him to stop. I never asked him to not hit me or hurt me."

"You shouldn't have to. There are certain things in this world that shouldn't have to be said."

"My father was killed when I was in my first year at Jr. College. I met Jacob at the college and he and my dad seemed to get along fine since Jacob was an aspiring police officer. After my dad passed away, I didn't know what to do. The bank took the house and my sad minimum wage twenty hours a week job just didn't sustain me. Jacob took care of everything. I understand why he is upset with me. I pretty much used him."

I looked around Edward's nice plush office and then down to the comfy leather couch that I sat upon.

"and now…I'm…using Edward." I shook my head as it dawned on me that I had gone from one man to another and brought nothing to the table in either relationship.

"How did my life turn out this way? I was smart. I should have done something. Been someone. Now I just suck the resources out of everyone I meet."

"Okay, I'm going to stop you. First of all I doubt that Edward or Jacob would feel that you used them. Relationships are give and take. Even though Jacob may have given you food and shelter, I'm sure you gave him things as well. I imagine you cooked for him. Cleaned for him?" she waited to see me nod my head in agreement.

"Even if Jacob felt like you owed him something it still would not excuse his behavior. That's not just a professional opinion; it is fact that in the United States it is illegal for person to abuse another person. As for Edward I would be willing to bet that he would agree that you bring to him as much as he gives to you. You don't always have to monetarily provide to be as important as your counterpart. Look at stay at home mothers. They don't get paid to stay at home and take care of their children but that doesn't mean that they aren't just as important as the bread-winner of the household."

I understood what she was saying to me but I was still having trouble justifying her words.

"But…I don't do anything here. I don't even clean or cook…I did more for Jacob then I have for Edward."

"I don't believe that. I know that you know Edward. You probably know him better than almost anyone besides his parents from what I have heard but I know quite a bit about the years that you were not in his life and I can without a doubt say that yes Bella you do give Edward a great deal. You should listen to him and be opened to what he has to say about the years you weren't here. However I'm afraid that you are unwilling to hear his words and trust that when he says something to you, he means it."

It was intense. One of the reasons I didn't really want to do these sessions was because I understood how intense it could be.

"So…how long until you can declare me sane?" I laughed a little trying to break up the tension.

"You are already sane but it will take a lot of work on your part to be…content with your life. Talking to me isn't enough. There are a few groups that I think you could really benefit from. Woman who have been in your position. It is much easier sometimes for an abused woman to seek counsel from former abused women. People who truly understand what they went through"

"I…actually have already been to something like that. Oddly enough when I arrived in L.A. it was the only shelter open that would take me in from the storm. I met quite a few amazing women there but…since I have moved out, I haven't really seen them."

"I think it would be quite beneficial if you were to go especially since you have already managed to make acquaintances with these women."

"I…can't…" Just the idea of going outside and exposing myself and location had my palms sweating. I looked around and started to get antsy at the thought.

"Bella, you can't stay in this house for the rest of your life. I know that coming to a realization of how dangerous you ex is can make you want to dig yourself a hole and stay in it but what kind of a life is that? You said that you were meant to be somebody; you can still be that person. You can accomplish your goals but you can't do that if you are always afraid of what could happen. Have a little faith in Edward. He…has the means of keeping you safe. I wouldn't say that to everyone but I think from what _I know _about Edward…he can keep you safe."

The way she said that last part it made me wonder what exactly did she know about Edward. She must be referring to the kung fu stuff that he did that one night when those guys were going to attack me but the look in her eyes made me wonder if there wasn't more.

Edward was pacing a couple of feet away from the door when Dr. Harper and I finally emerged. His eyes snapped to me the moment I walked out the door and I could see them filled with anxiety.

"Hey…you didn't need to pace a hole in the rug. I wasn't in there divulging all your dirty secrets." I smirked.

"How it go?" he asked ignoring my comment.

I shrugged and the walked past him toward the room I was staying in. I knew he was going to drill Dr. Harper and somehow I had faith that she would keep her word and not expand too much on our session.

Edward still had me locked out of the gym but there were plenty of ways I could work out without a gym. I put on the crazy baggy clothes I had borrowed and my only pair of tennis shoes that looked a little worse for wear but they worked and that's all that mattered.

I thought of running up and down stairs since there seemed to be a god awful lot of them in this house but decided to see what Edward's back yard had to offer knowing that me and stairs just didn't seem like a good combo.

The back yard was vast and beautiful. I could see the little apartment cottage that Katherine and Seth must have stayed in. There was a big pool and the grounds were surrounded in tall trees. It felt very safe here knowing people could not look over a fence and see me. There was a big grassy area so I decided that maybe I should start my jogging there away from the pool…far away from the pool. If I tripped and fell, I would only land in the grass.

I couldn't believe how out of shape I was. I hadn't even been jogging for more than two minutes before I became winded. I never was good at this sort of thing. I used to hate Fridays at Forks High when they would make us run for P.E. I hadn't really exercised since I left high school and now I hated myself for it. I was pathetic but I kept pushing on.

I started to focus my thoughts on Dr. Harper and our session hoping it would stop me from thinking about the pain in my lungs and calves. She said I needed to trust Edward. Trust him to be able to protect me and trust him when he said things to me that he really was telling me the truth. At the moment that second one seemed harder.

I pushed harder. The wind on my face was cold and the sky overhead had more threatening clouds. I thought California would be sunnier. So far it had failed and sadly I wondered if I truly did bring the bad weather with me.

We didn't talk about Jacob as much as I thought we would talk about him. That was a bit surprising but she did want me to seek out Rosalie's group and go. I didn't know how I felt about that. I wasn't ready to share. I wasn't ready to share because it was embarrassing.

I felt embarrassed for what happened to me.

"Hey. It's cold out here. I think you should come in." Edward called me from the back door but I kept pushing on.

"Bella, I'm serious. Come in." he ordered.

"Just give me a few more minutes." I panted.

"No. This is ridiculous. I told you if we were going to do this, we would do it my way."

I stopped and stood in place while I tried to catch my breath. I hated that I had put him in charge. I knew it would send him on this power trip. Edward always liked being in charge and I used that to my advantage when we negotiated this deal because I needed him. I wouldn't do even half as well if I was on my own.

"Bella!" He called again more forcefully.

"I'm coming. I'm coming. Geez, don't get your panties in a twist, Cullen." I huffed. I walked toward him slowly. "So did I get a gold star for therapy today, master?"

"According to Dr. Harper…yes you did. She was pleased…I guess and we agreed to having you see her two times a week."

I walked past him and he shut the door behind us.

"And please, keep up that master shit. I rather like it." He puffed out his chest all proud.

"Of course you did." I rolled my eyes.

"Well seeing how you have completed your first solo session with Dr. Harper I have a surprise for you." Edward walked past me and I followed him.

"You're opening the gym again?" I asked excited.

"No. That's not your surprise." We walked into the living room and Alice was there waiting.

"Alice." I gushed.

"She's not your surprise either." Edward grumbled.

"Oh yes she is. The very best of surprises." I remarked.

"Well, it's nice to know that someone appreciates me." She replied as I gave her a hug.

"I think this was supposed to be the surprise Edward was referring to but if I were you, I would hold out for a purse…or diamonds." She held up a Nike bag with a look of repugnance.

"What is it?" I asked looking to Edward.

"Open it." He prompted.

I took the bag and sat on the couch as I dug out the contents. Inside were a couple of sports bras, t-shirts, pants and shorts. All to work out in. At the very bottom was a pair of brand new tennis shoes.

"Now that I look at you, this may be better than a purse." Alice commented.

"This is wonderful. Thank you, Edward." And then I don't know what got into me but I actually jumped up and hugged him. It was weird because it was the first time since I had been here that I hugged him out of joy. The moment I realized what I had done which was about point one second after I had wrapped my arms around his neck I immediately retreated hoping that I wasn't blushing.

"Uh…I'm happy you like them." He replied softly.

I looked over to Alice embarrassed to even look at Edward and she looked like she was about to explode with glee.

"So…I…should be getting home. I will just…leave you two." Alice was absolutely smitten with my embarrassment.

"I'll walk you to the door." Edward stiffened as he walked to show Alice to the door.

"Oh and if you don't come tomorrow to work, I will personally come here and pull you out." Alice threatened as she left.

For a moment I dwelled on the hug but thankfully I had the new bag of goodies to distract me. As quickly as possible I went upstairs to the room and started to pull things out and try them on. Alice was spot on with her assessment of my sizes and I couldn't help but model them in the bathroom mirror.

"Bella?" Edward called out.

"I'm in the bathroom." I walked out in the new clothes, "Ta da!"

"Very nice. How do they feel? Better than my baggy clothes?" he asked with a smile as he plopped himself down on my bed.

"At least I won't have to worry about my pants falling down anymore. This is really great. Thank you, Edward." I paused and looked at myself in the full length mirror. "I'm going to try to find a way to pay you back…it may take a while but I promise."

"You don't have to pay me back. I want you to have them. I'm just happy that you accepted them."

"No. It's not right." I turned to him. "It's not fair. I…can't just use you. What kind of person would that make me? I can't keep using people." Words from my session started to invade my mind and it didn't matter how much Dr. Harper made sense. In my mind I could only see all that Edward gave while I continued to take.

"Cut it out, Bella." Edward stood up from the bed and started to walk towards the door. "Just once I would love to hear thank you, Edward and then nothing else after that. Can't you do that, just once?"

He sighed and shook his head and left. Left me standing there in the brand new clothes and I knew I had fucked up.

I wasn't sure how to make it right. In high school whenever I pissed him off, I just lay low the rest of the day and then gave him a night to cool off. In the morning I usually mustered up an apology for him but by then he was over it.

I wanted to give him the night off and hopefully in the morning it could be forgotten but then that meant that I would have no choice but to sleep alone in this room knowing that Jacob was out there and I'm sure as determined as he could be, he was still looking for me.

I got into bed after going through my usual nightly routine and laid there staring at the clock on my bedside night stand. I watched as the numbers flipped over and I hoped that this alone would be enough to get me to sleep but it wasn't. One by one and minute after minute nothing happened. My mind still wired from my last moment with Edward and jumping back and forth to my session today.

At three-forty-three in the morning I saw a shadow at my door and it didn't scare me because I knew it was Edward. I could see him staring at me from the door, still dressed in slacks and his dress shirt. I could hear him sigh and I couldn't help myself.

"I'm really sorry." I whispered.

"What are you still doing awake? You should be asleep, Bella. We are both going to work tomorrow." He replied standing still in my door frame.

"Dr. Harper said just because I can't monetarily bring anything to…this…relationship that it doesn't mean I don't bring something. But what do I bring? Edward, how is me being here in your house, taking up your space, eating your food, wearing the clothes that you paid for…what do I bring?"

That's all I could think about the past couple of hours as I watched the minutes tick on by.

"Dr. Harper told me that she wants you to work on trusting me. I have to admit that I was upset when she said that to me because I have always thought that me of all people…you know you can trust me. But she and I know that you don't. When I say something to you, like I love you. You don't trust those words. You think that in some way I must be lying. Maybe it's because I fucked up so badly when we were younger and hurt you with all that secret admirer crap but I never did that to hurt you. I did that because I was a coward and was afraid that you wouldn't feel what I feel for you. Bella, I have loved you for so long and if it takes the rest of our lives for you to believe me and trust me, I will wait."

He walked closer and closer until he could reach out and touch me. He kneeled down and was mere inches from my face.

"You give me hope. That's what you bring me. You give me something that no amount of money can buy. Hope for a future that plays in mind over and over." He reached out and caressed my face, "I'm so sorry, Bella. I was a coward and because of my actions it brought on a series of events that have ruined our lives. Things that you have been through, happened because of me. Please forgive me. Please give me a chance to make it up to you."

"It was both of our choices. You can't take it all on yourself. I trust you. I know and truly believe that you will always be there for me. I know that now but I…just can't fathom how you love me. You are no longer Edward Masen, the kid who was a social outcast at Forks high. You can finally have your pick of the Lauren Mallory's of the world."

"Lauren Mallory." He scoffed. "Why would you wish that on me?"

"I don't wish that on you. I meant physically, you could find an attractive girl. Even though she was ghastly, I can't deny she was beautiful. I'm sure there is a ton of girls out there who are beautiful inside and out."

"Why would I need to look for a beautiful girl inside and out when I have you?"

"Now who's being ridiculous." I scoffed.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Edward stood up hastily and let go of me.

"Uh…I…"

"Bella, get up." He demanded. Edward walked over to the light and turned it on as I started to sit up wondering what he was about to do.

"Come on. Over here right now." He waved me over but I still sat in the comfort of the bed. "It's almost four in the morning and once again it's not looking so good on us getting to work at a decent hour so if you would please…"he waved his hand at me violently to get up and join him ASAP.

Nervous I got out of the bed and tentatively walked over to him. He took ahold of my shoulders and placed me directly in front of the glass wall where I could see our reflections clear as day. Edward's strong frame behind my slender boyish one.

"How can you not see what I see? Stop being so damn negative. Look at yourself. Tell me what you see."

What the hell was he talking about? I looked exactly the same as I did in high school. I hadn't changed a bit and it killed me.

"I see…weakness." I glowered. "My spaghetti arms that can barely hold on to a thirty pound weight. I see my scrawny legs that I…I'm amazed they can even hold me up. For god sakes, I haven't changed a bit. Even my boobs are still pathetic, my hairs a mess, I'm too pale." I scowled at my reflection hating myself even more.

I felt Edward's grip on my shoulders momentarily tighten and after a few seconds he let go and started to run his hands down my arms. Embarrassingly I felt the little hairs on my neck stand on end.

"Well since you only want to dwell on the physical… I see a beautiful girl with a slender frame, who yes I will admit could benefit from a few extra pounds. Your hair is amazing. It drives me crazy when you flip it; it's the perfect shade of brown with natural highlights that I bet girls would pay high money for. Your skin is flawless…not like mine used to be. You always had nice skin, something I would have killed for back in high school. You have no idea the amount of work I had to put into it but yours is like porcelain. You're not weak, Bella. You're not physically strong like me but if that is what it's going to take for you to have some self-confidence then I will work with you…but if you stayed like this…you're perfect. You are perfect to me. But you also have this strength inside you that rivals superheroes. You are truly good and pure and I wish I could tell you every single thing I love about you but I'm afraid words would not justify it."

He leaned down and kissed my neck and I could feel my breath quicken and parts of my body react that I never even knew I had. I closed my eyes for just a moment and took in the wonderful sensation as Edward made a small journey from the top of my neck down to my shoulder.

"And believe me when I tell you, from my firsthand experience…your boobs are far from pathetic."

I practically gulped just hearing that.

"I will wait until you are ready but I hope you will give me at least one chance." Edward let go of me and walked back toward the bed.

"Ready for bed?" He asked and began removing his shoes and slacks. I just stood there staring at him like an idiot as he got under the covers in just his boxers and pulled my covers back for me to join him.

Absently I nodded my head slowly and went to join him. I got in under the covers and he pulled them up and wrapped his warm body around mine. This was all so backwards. Him holding me, it was so intimate and so backwards. But damn did it feel right.

I love Edward. I did. I can't deny that. Our relationship was backwards but I was the one who needed to move forward with my life. I would place my heart out there and pray Edward would never abandon it.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you for taking the time to read and review. I am feeling really positive for 2014 and hope that you all have a very positive year as well. Don't wish for it, make it happen!


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